After my last rant on this topic, SportsChump sent me a link to an article with the simple comment “You’ll love this.”
So I read it.
As I read, I was forced to rush for the duct tape in a futile attempt to keep my skull from exploding.
I was too late.
As I was picking up bits of brain and skull from around my office, it became clear this was SportsChump’s attempt to goad me into another rant. After all, he posted a pretty good take on this situation as well.
His plan worked. By the time I had Humpty-Dumptied most of my head back together, I could feel the new rant fulmenting. The rant comes in the patented Dubsism breakdown format. The article in question was written by Teresa Puente form Chicagonow.com. It’s pathetic. Read further at your own risk.
Ozzie is being Ozzie.
No matter how much Ozzie Guillen apologizes for his misplaced respect and love of Fidel Castro, he will never be forgiven by the Cuban community in Miami.
“I feel like I betrayed the Latino community,” Guillen said in Spanish at a press conference that was broadcast on ESPN Tuesday morning.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…there’s nothing quite like the supreme assholery of those who are so quick to label something “unforgivable.” That is EXACTLY the type of intolerance upon which dictatorships like the abhorrent one of Castro are built; the soul of tyranny is the stamping out of that which is deemed arbitrarily to be “unfavorable.”
Not to mention, isn’t the first sentence basically dismissive of this entire article? If this is just another example of “Ozzie being Ozzie;” meaning yet another time that an outspoken guy said an outrageous thing, then why does anybody give a damn? For one reason and one reason ONLY… so that some writer can take on some high moral tone which will prove to be complete bullshit.
This is true. But his remarks are offensive to all people who believe in democracy.
The people in Cuba are not free. They are not free to travel. They are not free to vote for the leader of their choice. They are not even free to use the Internet.
I know this because I have friends who fled Cuba or still live in Cuba, and they have shared their stories with me.
I could be petty and point out the disconnect between the control of information in Cuba and just how this writer shared these tales of woes with all her Cuban friends who are still on the island. But I would rather cast aspersions on this article with the real meat; the complete hypocrisy it contains. Note how the author climbs up on her high moral horse in a defense of democracy, yet the entire tone of her “Fire Ozzie” argument relies on the same shop-worn, intellectually vapid pillars used by the typical American hypocrite anytime they want to censor something they don’t like. Democracy and civil liberties are great for me, but they stop for you the minute you say something I don’t like. One of the great lessons I ever got in life came from my grandmother who told me to never trust people who claim to have the “moral high ground.”
Now I know she was talking about people like Teresa Puente.
One thing the “moral crusaders” love to do is make you feel guilty based on the suffering of others…hence, Puente trots out a whole list of tear-jerkers intended to make you break out the crying towel.
One friend was so hungry that some days all he had to eat or drink was a glass of water with sugar.
I have another friend who was not able to legally live with his wife in Cuba. She was from another province and the government wouldn’t give them a permit to live together because the square footage in his house was too small.
She was afraid walking around Havana of being stopped by the police and sent back to her province several hours away.
Average Cubans are not allowed to step foot in hotels that are reserved for tourists.
And of course there have been many political prisoners of Castro.
Ask any Cuban-American and they can tell you a story of struggle or suffering in Cuba.
Are you shocked, appalled, and feeling compelled to action yet? Don’t feel guilty if you aren’t; nobody else is either. There’s a great reason why you aren’t. In order for you to feel as outraged as the author intends you to feel, you have to believe Ozzie Guillen’s blunder-tongued comments either created the suffering in Cuba or exacerbated it. All you have to do to see that is separate yourself from the emotion being used here.
Are these things all horrible? Absolutely. In an ideal world, would suffering on this scale not exist? Of course it wouldn’t. Does anything Ozzie Guillen says have any effect on any of it? Not a chance.
Now for another trick the “moral crusaders” love…pointing to somebody who is being brave in the face of brutal oppression.
Now, to be fair, I read this woman’s blog, but I didn’t read every single word; it has a five-year history and is clearly well-written, not mention well-read. But for Puente to try to ride this woman’s coattails is a complete joke. Sanchez’ blog is about real problems facing real people, not a bunch of candy-ass hypocrites who heard words they didn’t like. This is exactly why Puente completely avoids the real issues of human rights abuses in Cuba to get back to some powerless words uttered by a baseball manager.
Back to Ozzie.
The former Chicago White Sox manager deserves to be suspended by the Miami Marlins.
I love it when the “moral crusaders” think they get to play judge, jury, and executioner. Why did he deserve to be suspended? I’m willing to listen to any explanation that does not include the word “offensive.” Shit, you might even get me to agree with one that included the term “crushing stupidity.” But give me something more than the emotionally loaded and intellectually lazy.
They made a big mistake. Marlins’ management should have known that Guillen has a big mouth.
“Should have known?” This suggest to me this woman didn’t give a shit about baseball two weeks ago. Anybody who has been paying attention for any amount of time knows that given enough time, Ozzie Guillen will stick both his feet in his mouth up to the ankles. That’s “Ozzie being Ozzie,” remember?
Guillen is a hypocrite.
Takes one to know one…again, Puente “believes” in democracy, but wants de facto censorship.
Remember how Guillen chastised actor Sean Penn for praising iron-fisted Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez?
No, because smart people don’t bother putting any creedence behind the words of a loud-mouth baseball manager. If they did, don’t you think the gay community would have protested his hiring remembering the time he called then Chicago-Sun Times columnist Jay Mariotti a “fag?”
Guillen deserves the suspension by the Marlins and more.
But no amount of suspension or apologies will undo the political damage he has caused and the economic impact it will have on the team.
The best thing Marlins management could do to repair the damage is to tell Ozzie, “Adios.”
Here’s the best part…she jumps from suspending Guillen to handing him his hat and showing him the door, all while tacitly admitting punishing him won’t make a damn bit of difference. The proof comes from a story on Yahoo Sports which laid out the complete non-impact of the supposed “outrage” in the Cuban community.
MIAMI (AP) About two dozen protesters are outside Marlins Ballpark, expressing their displeasure with manager Ozzie Guillen. The demonstration Thursday came before Miami’s afternoon game with the Chicago Cubs. Many waved Cuban flags, held signs and used a megaphone to criticize the manager.
Two dozen? I can see more people waiting in the check-out lines at a Wal-Mart. Two dozen isn’t a protest, two dozen is a bus stop.
If even the Cubans won’t turn out to pissed off over Guillen’s comments, they why should I give a shit what some self-righteous writer thinks?
Oh that’s right, I don’t, and it seems nobody else does either.
Over the past few weeks, there have been two issues that really chapped my ass. I’ve been trying to just let them go, but then I realized I’m a blogger; it’s my non-paying job to bitch about stuff. So, here it goes…
1) The Bobby Petrino Situation
The guy is a scumbag, pure and simple. But Arkansas got what they deserved, and the only person I’ve seen say that is the guy over at Klown Times.
Keep in mind that (Arkansas athletic director Kevin) Long is the same AD who hired Petrino away from the Atlanta Falcons DURING THEIR SEASON. If that wasn’t bad enough, Long did so without asking permission to speak to Petrino.
Plus, I find it hard to believe that Long did not know of Petrino’s past transgressions. After all, this is the same Petrino who secretly flirted with Auburn while former coach Tommy Tuberville was still employed there. And of course there was that Atlanta Falcons “thing.”
Let’s take Klown’s position as a starting point. I’ve always had a sort of “three strikes” rule when it comes to forming opinions, and this latest incident with Petrino was clearly worthy of ringing him up as a complete dick…100%, USDA Prime, Grade A Tube Steak.
Look at the Auburn situation. You know what kind of guy flies into town secretly to discuss ripping a job out from under another coach? The same kind of guy who pretends to be your best friend, then bangs your wife the minute you are out of town on business. Not to mention, this tells you a lot about how much this guy values loyalty. He was perfectly fine not only with leaving town unannounced in the middle of the night, he was willing to sneak in the back door at his secret destination. I understand that valuing loyalty in college sports is like cornering the sunscreen market in Alaska in January, but at some point you simply cannot advertise you are willing to stab anybody in the back at anytime; karma can be a real bitch. We’ll come back to that point later.
Then, there’s what happened with the Falcons. The way that situation ended in Atlanta could have been a 500-level class in douchebaggery. Not only did Petrino actively seek to bail the minute things got tough mid-way through a failed season, he secretly campaigned for the Arkansas job while then-Hawg head coach Houston Nutt was embroiled in his own scandal, and when Bobby-Boy got the job in Fayetteville, he informed the Falcons of his mid-season departure with a letter. The Falcons, and their owner Arthur Blank made a huge commitment to Petrino on the assumption he would be the big-time coach to make the transition from college to the NFL. Fat chance; instead the Falcons realized the hard way they had married their future to a guy who couldn’t wait to skip town the minute a greener pasture presented itself. Perhaps if Arthur Blank had paid Petrino in 25-year old motorcycle riding suck-sluts…
As much as the douchiness already oozes out of this issue, there’s two things that really pissed me off here. First of all, there’s the people who thought Petrino shouldn’t have been fired. Tell that to Houston Nutt. For those of you who may not recall, Nutt got himself run out of Fayetteville for some extra-marital cannubial bliss. To make a long story short, Nutt’s relationship with local news anchor Donna Bragg hit the public arena when a fan who was angry with the Nutt filed a Freedom of Information Act requesting Nutt’s email and phone records, at which point he exposed his carnal canoodling with Bragg.
Of course, this led to Nutt’s firing, not for his won-loss record, but for his extra-curricular activity. I will admit I’m a fan of the Nutt, if for no other reason as he makes wonderful blog-fodder. But this is more about the potential headache Arkansas could have faced. If the university had not fired Petrino, the Nutt could have excoriated the Arkansas administration, especially since Petrino upped the ante over what the Nutt did by a) messing with a University employee who b) Petrino got on the payroll nad c) tried to cover up the motorcycle accident, up to and including trying not to call 911 to aid his injured mistress, which led to d) the filing of a false report on the incident to university administration.
Speaking of coaches who have no love for Petrino, do you wonder what Tommy Tuberville thought of all this? Sure, now Tuberville has his own issues to deal with at Texas Tech, but don’t forget that Tuberville hired Petrino at Auburn to run his offense. In a move of complete foreshadowing, Petrino stair-stepped that experience into the head coaching job at Louisville, the very same job from which Petrino then tried to secretly steal Tuberville’s gig at Auburn. Here comes that karma thing again…
St-eeee-rike Three. Grab some bench, Bobby…you are out.
As far as blog-fodder is concerned, here’s a classic bit from the Dubsism archives about Bobby Petrino, Houston Nutt, Tommy Tuberville, and the classic Vietnam War story…
2) The Overblown Ozzie Guillen “Controversy”
I really don’t know where to start with this one. I don’t know for whom I have the most invective for in this case. It could be the douchebags in the media who asked the outspoken Guillen a loaded question when they knew both the answer he would give and how they would attempt to explode the statements of a baseball manager into some sort of geo-political catastrophe. It could be the dumb-asses who stood in front of the Marlins’ ball-park acting as if Guillen’s statement about the murderous scumwad known as Fidel Castro had somehow been responsible for all the misery caused throughout the annals of human history. Hell, it could also be the people who acted as if this was the worst thing that could ever happen, then completely lost interest as quickly as they became so righteously indignant.
Let’s start from the top.
First of all, it is a sad state of affairs when I have to agree with that pompous bag of anal leakage known as Bill Maher. But his defense of Guillen, while done for reasons ideologically different from my own, is still nonetheless correct.
“If you say something Communists don’t like, they take away your job and send you to a re-education camp until you come out with the one approved opinion,” Maher said sarcastically. “We wouldn’t want that here in America.”
Granted, the blood of tens of thousands of innocent people is on Castro’s hands. If I were in Cuba and made the anti-Castro comments I’m making here, you can bet your beard and cigar my ass would be in a cell in no time. That’s what dictators do. But in America, the press has the right to ask a loaded, pre-meditated, and/or albeit pointless question, much like Guillen has the right to answer it even if it means sticking both feet in his mouth up to the ankles.
Am I the only person who was reminded of the Marge Schott incident? For those of you who don’t recall, Schott was sand-bagged by ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio when she made some pro-Hitler comments. For this she was run out of baseball, despite the fact that all she did was answer a question. If you read the transcript of the interview, two things should leap off the screen at you. First, what she said was hardly a ringing endorsement of Hitler, and second, you should find it curious that the exact wording of Paolantonio’s question is missing.
Here’s why that matters…if you are going to ask an out-spoken person like Schott or Guillen such loaded questions, aren’t you doing so EXACTLY to illicit such a quote you as a journalist can use to gin up a tempest on a keyboard? Doesn’t that then mean that the very same journalists who are fanning the flames of indignation are doing so while hiding their matches and gasoline cans?
Then, there’s the people who were so whipped up over all of this? This whole thing dripped with so much hypocrisy; people who don’t even go to Marlins games threatening boycotts unless Guillen was fired, yet they were noticeably absent when Guillen returned from his suspension. Oh, that’s right, they weren’t going to show up anyway. Not to mention, many of these Cubans who were supposedly so upset by Guillen’s comments are the very same who have done nothing to help those people still stuck under Castro’s thumb. I understand this in no way applies to all Cubans, but there is a sizable portion of that community who have taken a decided “I got mine, you get yours” attitude towards those still in Cuba. If you want to create change, you have to do more than show up for three hours with a cardboard sign.
Not to mention, there’s nothing quite like the supreme assholery of those who are so quick to label something “unforgivable.” Guess what, you sign-waving dipshit? It is your very intolerance upon which dictatorships like the abhorrent one of Castro are built; the soul of tyranny is the stamping out of that which is deemed arbitrarily to be “unfavorable.”
Now, for the most important question. Why does anybody give a frog’s fat ass about what Ozzie Guillen thinks? He’s a baseball manager, and that’s all he is. He’s not the President, a Governor, or any sort of politician or government leader. He’s not an ambassador to the United Nations, he’s not even an over-paid entertainer who gets away with saying stupid shit on a daily basis. But like those entertainers, his words carry no weight, so outside of baseball there is no reason to give a damn about anything he says. One of the items in the Bill of Rights is the right to free speech; which is why one thing that isn’t there is the right not to be offended. There’s lots of truly offensive things in the world, and if you get your hackles up over the ramblings of a half-wit baseball manager, you really need to get out of the house more often.
As I’ve said before, the month of May was one of moving for me. But now that the boxes are unpacked, the computer is rebooted, and I’ve found a reputable electro-shock therapist, it is time to get back to the keyboard.
The Umpires Strike Back
First, there is the obvious; Wednesday night’s unfortunate prison-raping of Tigers’ pitcher Armando Galarraga. In case you’ve been living in a cave for the last 48 hours, Galarraga had a perfect game going until this happened.
But, from every cloud comes a silver lining. Sure, thanks to umpire Jim Joyce, Galarraga had his place in the record books traded for the never-never-land of being the answer to a trivia question (Harvey Haddix, anyone?), but this also allows us to see the power of the interwebz in action.
Once again, the good people at Deadspin have captured the dynamism of the Web, specifically by watching the evolution of Jim Joyce’s Wikipedia entry. But what I never knew is somehow making a mistake and owning up to it makes you gay. I guess I’m just too much of an “old-school” guy to understand this new sexuality.
But this is not the only case of umpires garnering headlines lately. Take umpire-turned-country-singer-turned-douche-first-class Joe West for example. Last week, during a White Sux-Indians getaway day affair, where West decided to help speed things along by calling White Sux pitcher Mark Buehrle for two questionable-at-best balks in the first three innings. Naturally, the first one allowed Chicago psychopath manager Ozzie Guillen an opportunity to visit the showers early, while the second did the same for Buehrle.
Normally, I am not a fan of anything that gets a fatbag idiot like West any attention; but since it got him called a few choice names in a way only Guillen can do, and since it screwed the White Sux, frankly I’m fine with it.
While Ken Griffey, Jr. is a lock for Cooperstown, one can only wonder how lofty his career number might be had I never drafted him on my fantasy baseball team. You have to understand, I was the king of the “Curse;” all of your twaddle of Bambinos and Billy Goats means nothing to me.
See, back in my fantasy baseball days, I was legendarily cursed. The first time Alex Rodriguez went on the disabled list, guess who had him? Flash the clock back to Griffey’s first year in the National League. I drafted him just in time to watch him shred a hamstring rounding third in one of the last spring tune-ups. Of course, this lead to what seemed like a never-ending parade of seasons filled with injury upon injury, all with Junior lodged on my roster.
To cut my moaning a bit shorter, suffice it to say Junior’s 630 career homers and the fact his name escaped the steroid scandals guarantee his induction into Cooperstown in five years. But what would those career number have looked like had I not cost him five years?
Sorry about that, Junior.