The Twelve Most Useless Statistics in Sports

16 03 2012

12) Minutes Played 

Let’s be honest. In basketball, it isn’t about how often you get on the floor, it’s what you do when you get there. That’s probably why all the leaders all-time in minutes played are (or will be) in the Hall-of Fame.  This statistic gets even more worthless when you add the divisor “per 48 minutes.”  To quote the great Charles Barkley, the only reason you need to calculate what a player would do in 48 minutes is because he’s not good enough to play all 48 minutes.

11) Penalty Minutes 

In general, the more penalty minutes you have in hockey, the more of a goon you were.  It would make more sense to me to simply count fights won vs. fights lost like we do with boxers. If you have a lot of penalty minutes and weren’t a goon, you were just a cheater. Either way, a minute count just tells me how often you weren’t available because you broke the rules.

10) Time of Possession 

Fans of football have been duped into believing this statistic is an excellent predictor of wins.  The logic is that the more you can control the ball, the more you can control the outcome of the game.  This thinking ignores some crucial issues, such as quick scores – as in long passes, kick returns, and turnovers in general.  Plus, hanging on to the ball for eight minutes then settling for a field goal after stalling inside the 20 doesn’t really help a team.

9) Shots On Goal 

This one really perplexes me. If you think about it, this stat really counts the number of time a hockey player fails to score, and uses that as an indicator of success, as if the team who takes the most shots scores the most goals.  Actually, the team that makes the most shots scores the most goals, which should seem pretty obvious.

8 ) Wins 

This statistic applies to baseball pitchers, hockey goalies, and Tim Tebow. Remember last fall when we were in the throes of Tebow-Mania? Remember how his defenders obfuscated the discussion about his lousy number by claiming “he just wins?” See, the problem is that in team sports, individuals don’t win; teams do. The Tebow-philes never seemed to remember that in almost all of the Broncos wins with Tebow at quarterback, it was the defense who kept the team in position to have a shot at winning the game.

Many baseball purists may revile at this thought, but that a pitcher has the sole determination in whether his team wins or loses completely defies logic, because the is no hard correlation between the pitcher’s performance and that pitcher earning a win.  How many times have I watched Tim Lincecum pitch eight scoreless innings, then give up a solo home run and lose because the Giants can’t score? Conversely, how many times have I watched (insert Yankee pitcher here) serve up half a dozen earned runs and still get a win because the Bronx Bombers plated 10 runs?

Don’t even get me started how a “win” recorded by a relief pitcher is usually just a blown save…

The same applies to netminders, with the distinction being goalies are far more dependent on their team’s defense, specifically it’s ability to kill penalties. A goalie who has a bad won-loss record very easily can be a guy who has to play short-handed too often. Imagine what would happen to a pitcher if he had to play an inning without a shortstop?

7) Holds 

While holds are not an official major league baseball statistic, they do show up in some box scores, and they are exceptionally worthless. While intended to measure the effectiveness of middle relievers, it lacks a uniform means of calculation.  In some means, particularly that used by the now-defunct SportsTicker, it doesn’t even matter if pitchers can get batters out.  A pitcher can get shelled, not even record a single out, but still be credited with a hold if the next pitcher out of the bullpen cleans up his mess without giving up the lead.

6) Saves 

Saves are really just “wins” for the guy designated to pitch the ninth inning.  But, just like wins for a starting pitcher, this is a flawed measure of a reliever’s performance. First of all, the criteria are completely arbitrary; it really can be just a circumstance such as being the last guy to pitch for the winning team.  If a pitcher enters the game with a lead and pitches the final three innings and the team wins – even if he comes into a 10-0 game and gives up 9 runs – that pitcher gets a save. Pitchers also can earn a save for pitching with a three-run lead in the 9th inning.

5) Plus/Minus Rating 

This may be the ultimate in useless statistics, because a player can rack up numbers here simply by being on the ice. While being specifically defined as a measure of a player’s “goal differential,” it really is just “minutes played” combined with “minutes where good stuff happened.” In other words, anytime a goal is scored (not including penalty shots or power-play goals) the Plus/Minus rating is increased by one (“plus”) for those players on the ice for the scoring team; likewise for those players on the ice for the team giving up the goal, their rating decreased by one. While this is purported to be a measure of defensemen and forwards who largely play a defensive role, two of the top three single-season ratings belongs to two of the great scorers of all-time (Wayne Gretzky and Bobby Orr).

4) Championships (as an individual statistic)

The two groups of people most responsible for using championships as an individual statistics are basketball fans and people judging the greatness of NFL quarterbacks. You’ve heard the argument; a player can’t be truly great without having won a championship. It’s a complete load of crap because championships are team accomplishment. Charles Barkley never won a ring, yet he is one of only 4 players with 4,000 assists, 10,ooo rebounds, and 20,000 points. Stacy King has three rings and only led the league in weight gained on the bench. Which would you rather have?

3) Batting Average 

Baseball fans love this stat; and as much as I love baseball, I find it to be largely irrelevant on its own.  To me the prime example is in a comparison between the average season’s of a high-batting average player like Tony Gwynn (.338/9 HR/76 RBI/92 runs scored) and a run producer like Jay Buhner (.254/34 HR/106 RBI/88 runs scored). Gwynn collected more unproductive hits, whereas Buhner produced more scoring. Scoring wins ball games, not singles.

2) Player Efficiency Rating (PER) 

Here’s the first example of a statistic that was created by ESPN. PER attempts to account for just about anything a basketball player does by mashing positives like points, rebounds, shooting percentages, blocks, et cetera into a gargatuan complex formula with negatives like turnovers and fouls. The trouble is that it is nearly impossible to understand, and it does almost nothing to quantify defensive contributions other than rebounds.

1) Any System for Rating Quarterbacks 

Whether it is the Passer Rating or that goofy Total Quarterback Rating that ESPN dreamed up, they are both so convoluted they manage to do exactly the opposite of what they were intended to do. The entire concept of either of these formulas was to give a clear and quantifiable value accounting for all the things quarterbacks do. Of course, you could just watch the damn game and figure that out.  Besides, when’s the last time you heard somebody say “Wow, did you see that game last night? That quarterback must have had a rating of at least 95!”

-Dubsism is a proud member of Sports Blog Movement





The Ten Worst NFL Draft Picks Since 2000

23 02 2012

10) Troy Williamson: 2005 Draft: Round 1/Pick 7; Wide Receiver – South Carolina taken by the Minnesota Vikings

When the traded Randy Moss to the Raiders, this pick was part of the deal. The Vikes used it hoping Williamson would at least replace Moss’ speed. He did have 4.32 speed; he also had bad eyes and had trouble seeing the football to catch it. Williamson finished up his three-year career in Minnesota with 79 catches, 1,067 yards and three touchdowns.

Could have Drafted: Antrel Rolle (8th overall),  DeMarcus Ware (11th overall), Jammal Brown (13th overall), or Aaron Rodgers (24th overall)

9) Jamal Reynolds: 2001 Draft: Round 1/Pick 10; Defensive End – Florida State taken by the Green Bay Packers

The Packers traded Matt Hasselbeck and the 17th pick to move up to draft a guy who racked up three sacks for his entire 18-game NFL career.

Could have Drafted: Dan Morgand (11th overall) or Steve Hutchinson (17th overall)

8 ) Wendell Bryant: 2002 Draft: Round 1/Pick 12; Defensive Tackle – Wisconsin taken by the Arizona Cardinals

If it weren’t for Andre Wadsworth, Wendell Bryant might be the worst Cardinal draft pick in recent memory. Bryant’s career totals: 29 tackles and 1.5 sacks;  it only took him three years to do it.

Could have Drafted: Jeremy Shockey (14th overall)

7) Mike Williams:  2005 Draft: Round 1/Pick 10; Wide Receiver – USC taken by the Detroit Lions

Mike Williams had two great seasons at USC; he notched 176 catches in only 26 games. The problem is that his entire NFL career only lasted 30 games which contained a scant 44 receptions. Naturally, this isn’t the only Matt Millen draft choice on this list which helps to explain why the Lions were one of the worst franchises of the last decade.

Could have Drafted: Antrel Rolle (8th overall),  DeMarcus Ware (11th overall), Jammal Brown (13th overall), or Aaron Rodgers (24th overall)

6) Matt Jones: 2005 Draft: Round 1/Pick 21; Wide Receiver – Arkansas taken by the Jacksonville Jaguars

Jones was a 6’6″ converted quarterback who could run a 4.36 40 and had a 40-inch vertical. He also had the ability to snort the 50-yard line. He finished his Jaguar career with just 15 starts in four seasons, during which he was arrested twice on felony drug charges.

Could have Drafted: Aaron Rodgers (24th overall), Roddy White (27th overall) or Logan Mankins (32nd overall)

5) Peter Warrick: 2000 Draft: Round 1/Pick 4; Wide Receiver – Florida State taken by the Cincinnati Bengals

Peter Warrick proves what can happen when you get called a “can’t miss” prospect. A two-time All-American, Warrick’s career in the NFL amounted 6 sub-par seasons; 79 games, 275 catches, and 2,991 yards total.

Could have Drafted: Jamal Lewis (5th overall) or Brian Urlacher (9th overall)

4) Charles Rogers: 2003 Draft: Round 1/Pick 2; Wide Receiver – Michigan State taken by the Detroit Lions

In yet another example of what I like to call a “Millen Type Decision,” the Lions took Charles Rogers believing him to be their receiver of the future. Within five years, Rogers was in jail for assault and battery.

Could have Drafted: Andre Johnson (3rd overall)

3) Joey Harrington: 2002 NFL Draft: Round 1/Pick 3; Quarterback – Oregon taken by the Detroit Lions

Two fact say all you need to know about this pick. One, this is the Lions’ third appearance on this list, which explains a lot about the evaluation of talent in the Millen era. . Two, the only other quarterback besides Joey Harrington to average less than 6 yards per attempt was fellow draft-bust Rick Mirer.

Could Have Drafted: Quentin Jammer (5th overall)

2) Ryan Sims: 2002 Draft, Round 1/Pick 6; Defensive Tackle – North Carolina taken by the Kansas City Chiefs

Tony Mandarich may be the poster child for draft busts, but Sims may in fact be worse.  In five seasons, he had 65 total tackles and five sacks. He was so unproductive that he was traded to Tampa Bay for a seventh round pick, meaning he may have been a waste of two draft picks.

Could Have Drafted: Dwight Freeney (11th overall)

1) JaMarcus Russell: 2008 Draft, Round 1/Pick 1; Quarterback – LSU taken by the Oakland Raiders

Russell’s 2009 passer rating of 50.0 was the lowest rating by a starting quarterback in the NFL since 1998.  His final stats during his tenure as a Raider were 52.1 %  completion precentage, 18 touchdowns, 23 interceptions, a passer rating of 65.2, and 15 lost fumbles. For this, the Raiders signed him to a contract worth $32 million guaranteed.  In three seasons with the Raiders, Russell finished 7–18.

Could Have Drafted: Calvin Johnson (2nd overall)





You Can Stop The Debate: Here’s the Quintessential Dubsism List of the 30 Greatest Quarterbacks

21 02 2012

If you recall back around the Super Bowl, there was a spirited debate about quarterbacks. On one hand, if Brady had won, would he be the greatest of all time? On the other, since Eli Manning won his second Super Bowl, where does he rank amongst the all-time greats? Let’s cut through the crap here…the best way to get a bunch of football fans arguing is to start a debate over a list of all-time greats, and no position gets a bigger reaction than the quarterback.

There are three main problems inherent in creating lists like this. For openers, everybody has personal biases and/or their favorites. Trust me, as you read this list, you are likely to find a guy who you will think I rated too low. Conversely, you are likely to find a guy who I rated too high or you may find a guy you don’t like rated above your favorite.  The second issues is the subjective nature of “greatness;” this feeds into the “personal bias” issue and it isn’t easily solved by merely clinging to statistics, which leads to the third problem. The argument over “greatness” takes a major trip over the difference in eras; let’s face it, professional football is not the same game in 1940 as it is today.  This is why I developed a list of criteria designed to mitigate those problems as much as possible.

Ability as compared to others in a player’s era – 30% of grade: This is what I consider the true measure of greatness. It is safe to assume that the players in the NFL at any time were the best football players on the planet, and standing out amongst the best of the best is a pretty good definition of greatness.

Athleticism – 20% of grade: Great quarterbacks have to make great plays, and that requires athletic skill. Another factor is that one-dimensional quarterbacks tend to rate lower in this criteria; the immobile pocket passer who can’t avoid a rush suffers in this category as well as the “scrambler” who can’t throw. To be at the top of this list, a quarterback really needs a high score here.

Performance in the “Clutch”- 15% of grade: Here’s where you get the play-off performances, fourth-quarter comebacks, and all those sort of greatness-defining moments. Conversely, if we are going to value winning championships, we also have to examine big-game failures.

Skill as a Passer – 15% of grade: This would be the statistic-heavy criteria on this list.  Regardless of era, passing has been largely a sole responsibility of the quarterback.

Winning as a Team – 10% of grade: In the immortal words of Herm Edwards, “You play to win the game.” Winning is winning, and while regular-season wins are important, play-off wins and championships carry most of the weight for this criteria, but in the sense that football is a team sport, and quarterbacks are measured in this case as to how well they contributed to the performance of their team.  In other words, a quarterback who never won championships can certainly make the list, yet one who didn’t have a regular-season winning record would find it very difficult. Also, A quarterback with winning-regular season record but a bad play-off record would suffer.

Leadership – 5% of grade: I’ve always thought this criteria for quarterbacks was a bit over-rated. Teams do need leaders, but that doesn’t always have to be the quarterback.  It’s a bonus when that is the case, but it isn’t essential.

Toughness/Durability – 5% of grade: This is rather simple; you can’t be great if you can’t play, and you can’t play if you can’t stay on the field.

Really I’m trying to expand beyond the shopworn “who won more championships vs. who had better stats debate;” ESPN gives us a steady diet of that, but it also presents us the problem that really isn’t solvable. Not only is that debate an important part of the discussion, but any list of criteria is going to leave somebody out.  Thankfully, this is why blogs have comments section.  Peruse this list and share your thoughts.

First, look at the notable quarterbacks who didn’t make the cut. It’s a safe bet Eli Manning cracks the top 30 by the time he’s done, and of the current quarterbacks who aren’t included here, Aaron Rodgers and Philip Rivers seem to be the best bets to be in this discussion by the time their careers are done.

  • Archie Manning
  • Bob Griese
  • Bob Waterfield
  • Boomer Esaison
  • Craig Morton
  • Dave Krieg
  • Donovan McNabb
  • Drew Bledsoe
  • Eli Manning
  • Jack Kemp
  • Jim Hart
  • Jim Plunkett
  • John Hadl
  • Joe Namath
  • Joe Theismann
  • Ken Stabler
  • Kerry Collins
  • Phil Simms
  • Randall Cunningham
  • Roman Gabriel
  • Ron Jaworski
  • Vinny Testaverde

Now, for the actual Dubsism list of the 30 Greatest Quarterbacks to date:

30) Ken Anderson

Never a champion, but never a loser either. Despite the fact that Anderson played for some bad Cincinnati Bengal teams, that might be the best way to describe him. Anderson is the best quarterback who isn’t going to get into the Hall of Fame. The best thing on Anderson’s “great quarterback resume” is the fact he made the Bengals relevant for close to a decade and a half despite the fact the “Queen City Kitties” are one of the historic dysfunctional franchises in all of sport.

Even though he likely never gets into Canton, Anderson does have Hall of Fame worthy numbers as a passer; his stats are better than several guys long since immortalized in bronze. Granted his won-loss record in the regular season isn’t spectacular, but Anderson may be the best post-season quarterback who never won a championship.  Anderson’s post-season passer rating is second only to Joe Montana, and that also happens to be the guy to whom Anderson lost his only Super Bowl appearance. Not to mention, Anderson’s 1982 single-season record of a completion percentage of 70.6% stood for 27 years; since when it has been passed twice by a guy who is likely to end up in the top ten of this list: Drew Brees.

29) Steve McNair

Steve McNair is the first example on this list of a quarterback who could beat you with his arm or his feet. His career year in 2000 with the Tennessee Titans exemplifies that. McNair registered career passing highs with 3,350 passing yards, 264 completions, 21 passing touchdowns, and a 90.2 quarterback rating. On top of that, he was also one of the team’s most effective rushers, tying for the team lead in rushing scores with five. This multi-faceted attack allowed McNair to become both the Titans’ all-time leading passer and one of the great running quarterbacks in NFL history.

McNair led the Titans to the playoffs four times, as well as once with the Baltimore Ravens. He came within one infamous play –  the last-second, just-short-of-the-goal line completion to Kevin Dyson – of winning a Super Bowl.  McNair was a three-time Pro Bowler and was All-Pro and Co-NFL MVP in 2003.

28) George Blanda

Throughout 26 seasons and 340 games in professional football as a quarterback and place-kicker, George Blanda was known for his toughness, versatility and longevity.  He led the Houston Oilers to the first two AFL titles in 1960 and 1961. It took the Dallas Texans (later the Kansaa City Chiefs) double -overtime to keep Blanda and the Oilers from a “three-peat.”

Blanda’s professional career started for $600 in 1949. While the Chicago Bears primarily used Blanda as a quarterback and placekicker, he also saw time on the defensive side of the ball at linebacker. It would not be until 1953 that Blanda would emerge as the Bears’ top quarterback, but an injury the following year effectively ended his first-string status. For the next four years, he was used mostly in a kicking capacity.

Blanda retired after the 1958 NFL season because of Bears owner George Halas insistence of only using him as a kicker, but returned in 1960 upon the formation of the American Football League. He signed with the Houston Oilers again as a quarterback and kicker. He was derided by the sports media as an “NFL Reject,” but he went on to lead the Oilers to the first two championships in AFL history, and he was the All-AFL quarterback and won AFL Player of the Year honors in 1961. During that season, he led the AFL with 3,330 passing yards and a record 36 touchdown passes. That record, although tied by the Giants’ Y.A. Tittle in 1963, was not surpassed in pro football until 1984 when the Dolphins’ Dan Marino tossed 48 scores.

In 1962, Blanda had two 400-yard passing days for the Oilers; a 464-yard, 4 touchdown effort against the Buffalo Bills and a 418-yard, 7 touchdown blasting of the New York Titans. Blanda threw at least 4 touchdowns 13 times during his career and once attempted 68 passes in one game. Blanda would have easily been comfortable in today’s pass-happy game; from 1963 to 1965, Blanda led the AFL in passing attempts and completions, and ranked in the top ten for attempts, completions, yards and touchdowns during seven consecutive seasons. A four-time member of the American Football League All-Star team, Blanda’s already-long career seemed over when he was released by the Oilers in 1967. However, the Oakland Raiders signed him later that year, seeing his potential as a contributing backup passer and a dependable kicker.

During the 1967 season, Blanda’s kicking saw him lead the AFL in scoring with 116 points. The Raiders went on to compete in Super Bowl II, but the following two seasons ended in heartbreak as they lost in the AFL Championship games both times. In 1970, Blanda was released during the preseason, but bounced back to establish his 21st professional season with one of the most dramatic comebacks in sports history. Beginning with the game at Pittsburgh, Blanda put together five straight clutch performances.

Against the Steelers, Blanda threw for three touchdowns in relief of an injured Daryle Lamonica. One week later, his 48-yard field goal with three seconds remaining salvaged a 17–17 tie with the Kansas City Chiefs. Against the Browns, Blanda once again came off the bench to throw a touchdown pass to tie the game with 1:34 remaining, then kicked a 53-yard field goal with three seconds left for the 23–20 win. Immediately after the winning field goal, Raiders radio announcer Bill King excitedly declared, “George Blanda has just been elected King of the World!” In the Raiders’ next game, Blanda again replaced Lamonica in the fourth quarter and connected with Fred Biletnikoff on a touchdown pass with 2:28 remaining to defeat the Denver Broncos. The streak concluded one week later when Blanda’s 16-yard field goal in the closing seconds defeated the San Diego Chargers, 20–17.

In the AFC title game against the Baltimore Colts, Blanda again relieved an injured Lamonica and had a superb performance, completing 17 of 32 passes for 217 yards and 2 touchdowns while also kicking a 48-yard field goal and two extra points, keeping the Raiders in the game until the final quarter, when he was intercepted twice. At 43, Blanda became the oldest quarterback ever to play in a championship game, and was one of the few remaining straight-ahead kickers in the NFL.

Kansas City Chiefs’ owner Lamar Hunt said in jest, “Why, this George Blanda is as good as his father, who used to play for Houston.” Although he never again played a major role at quarterback, Blanda would serve as the Raiders’ kicker for five more seasons. Blanda played in his last game at Pittsburgh’s Three Rivers Stadium on January 4, 1976, in the AFC Championship Game at age 48. Blanda went out on a 41-yard field goal and one extra point as the Raiders lost to the Steelers 16-10.

Blanda finished his 26 professional football seasons having completed 1,911 of 4,007 pass attempts for 26,920 yards and 236 touchdowns. Blanda also held the NFL record for most interceptions thrown with 277, until Brett Favre broke in 2007. He rushed for 344 yards and 9 touchdowns on the ground, kicked 335 of 641 field goals, and 943 of 959 extra points, giving him 2,002 total points. Additional stats include 1 interception, 2 kickoff returns for 19 yards, 22 punts for 809 yards, and 23 fumble recoveries.

In 1976, at the age of 48, he retired as the league’s all-time leading scorer, and he was inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1981.

27) Ben Roethlisberger

Roethlisberger became the youngest Super Bowl-winning quarterback to date when he led the Steelers to a 21–10 victory over the Seattle Seahawks in his second professional season at the age of 23.  Four years later, Roethlisberger led the Steelers to a second Super Bowl Championship. Roethlisberger never gets credit for what an efficient passer he is because of his ability to scramble and extend plays.  He currently ranks 11th all-time in NFL passer rating (92.1), 5th in yards per attempt (8.0), and 12th in completion percentage (63.1%) among quarterbacks with a minimum of 1,500 career attempts. He also has a .700 winning percentage in the regular season.  Having said all that, Roethisberger has plenty of time to move either up or down on this list.

26) Bart Starr

Starr is the quintessential model of efficiency and not beating one’s self. Starr is not the guy who will blow you away with his huge stats or game-winning plays, but he did lead the Packers dynasty that won five championships in seven years during the 1960s. His .900 winning percentage in the post-season e may be the most efficient passer ever and his 9-1 post season record is the best by a quarterback.  As I said, Starr doesn’t have the huge stat sheet, but he does have 5 championships, an NFL MVP award, and 2 Super Bowl MVP’s. Let’s be honest, the great ones win when it matters.

25) Kurt Warner

Warner might just be the ultimate NFL “rags-to-riches” story. During journey from the fields of Iowa to the NFL, Warner at times bagged groceries and starred in the  Arena Football. Nobody drafted him out of Northern Iowa and ended up having one the great careers of all time.  He was the NFL MVP twice, Super Bowl MVP once, and owns the three highest single-game passing yardage totals in Super Bowl history.

24) Bobby Layne

For a guy who was never considered an “elite” passer, when Layne retired he held the league record’s for most career pass attempts, completions, passing yards, and touchdown passes. He was also one of the best running quarterbacks on this list. He won NFL Championships in 1952, 1953, and 1957, and just missed a fourth in 1954. The Lions haven’t won a championship since the shipped Layne to the Steelers in 1958. Bobby Layne is also the only player on this list who has a Dubsy Award named for him.

23) Norm Van Brocklin

‘The Dutchman” is the only quarterback to split the signal-calling duties with two other Hall of Famers during his career; Bob Waterfield in Los Angeles and Sonny Jurgensen in Philadelphia.  Van Brocklin played in 9 Pro Bowls and was a first-team All Pro selection in 1960. He won two NFL championships and is the only quarterback to beat a Vince Lomabardi-coached Packers team in a championship game.

22) Drew Brees

This is a guy who is only going up on this list. After only 10 seasons, he already has 40,000 passing yards, 281 touchdowns, six Pro Bowl Selections, one first-team All-Pro selection and a Super Bowl MVP award. Barring injury, Brees has at least four or five high-level seasons left.  Seems to me 400 touchdowns and 60,000 passing yards is in reach. Tack another championship to those numbers and Brees looks to be a top ten quarterback waiting to happen.

21) Len Dawson

Dawson was never flashy, and he never blew your mind with eye-popping statistics, but he was great nevertheless. Efficiency was his main weapon. Dawson led the AFL in completion percentage and passer rating six times and led the Chiefs to three championships. Along the way, he was a six-time AFL All-Star and was the MVP of Super Bowl IV.

20) Y.A. Tittle

Tittle’s is like the 1960′s answer to Jim Kelly. Tittle had the pieces around him and he was good enough to get his guys to the Championship on multiple occassions, but was never able to get over the hump. He came the closest in 1963 when he set a single-season record with 36 touchdown passes; a record that stood until Dan Marino threw 48 touchdowns in 1984.

19) Jim Kelly

Kelly is another quarterback who spent time in an inferior league (the USFL wasn’t a bad league, but it was closer in terms of talent to the CFL than the NFL). Even though he lost them all, playing in four straight Super Bowls was impressive, one can make an argument the Bills were over-matched in talent in two of them. If Scott Norwood makes that field goal in 1991, so many thing change. The Bills become discussed as one of the great teams of all time, the Bills likely win at least one more Championship, and Kelly moves up this list.

18) Warren Moon

The fact that Moon had over 49,000 passing yards and 291 touchdowns in the NFL is astonishing considering he spent the first five years of his pro football career in Canada. Even if one were to consider his  CFL stats in the total (which is a bit ridiculous since one would need to assume the talent levels of the two leagues are comparable), he becomes the the only guy besides Brett Favre with 70,000 passing yards and one of only three quarterbacks as of this writing (Favre, Marino) with 400 touchdowns. Moon was never a successful play-off quarterback, but he was selected to nine Pro Bowls was named NFL MVP in 1990.

17) Dan Fouts

If Dan Fouts isn’t the best pure passer on this list, there’s no denying he is in the top three. He was a six-time Pro Bowler and was twice a first-team All-Pro. He was the first to throw for over 4,000 yards in three consecutive seasons, and his 4,802 passing yards in 1981 was a single-season record. However, his won-loss record was only 86-84-1, and he never appeared in a Super  Bowl, having gone 0-2 in conference championship games.

16) Terry Bradshaw

Bradshaw started out as a bumpkin in cleats, and ended up winning four Super Bowls. However, in between, Bradshaw was a model of inconsistency. He would rapidly alternate between greatness and gruesome. He put together seasons which made him a 3-time Pro Bowler and once was named first-team All-Pro; he also had seasons in which he threw 25 interceptions, or only completed 45% of his passes, or got benched for some other reason. Inconsistency is a brutal enough factor to keep a league MVP and two-time Super Bowl MVP in the bottom half of this list.

15) Fran Tarkenton

Tarkenton greatness as a passer gets overlooked largely because he was such great runner (3,674 yards) and he was the first quarterback to lose three Super Bowls.  His 47,000 career passing yards was #1 all-time when he retired.  He completed 60 percent of his passe sin five of his final six seasons, which is incredible given that he played for 18 seasons, and at the time a completion rate that high was not common.

14)  Brett Favre

Brett Favre was the ultimate riverboat gambler. He played at a high level into his 40′s. Of all the records he set, the one that nobody who is alive today will live long enough to see broken is 285 consecutive starts. He’s got 70,000+ passing yards,  500+ touchdowns, and he was an 11-time Pro Bowler, 3-time first team All-Pro, and a 3-time league MVP. That seems like a guy who should be in the top five.  So, why isn’t he?

For starters, the fact that he threw 336 career interceptions, which is almost 60 more than the 2nd-place guy.  More importantly, he threw way too many of those picks in crunch time, which helps to explain how a quarterback with a 186-112 regular season win-loss record was only a 13-11 performer in the play-offs, and only 3-6 in conference champiosnhip games and Super Bowls.

13) Troy Aikman

The New York Mets offered Aikman a contract when he came out of high school, but instead he chose to pursue football. 94 career wins, three Super Bowl championships and six Pro Bowls later, Aikman landed in the Hall of Fame as the quarterback with the most wins in any decade until he was surpassed by Peyton Manning and Tom Brady. Aikman retired as the Cowboys passer despite the fact his career was cut short by injury issues.

12) Roger Staubach

The only reason Roger Staubach isn’t higher on this list is his career simply wasn’t long enough to rack up big numbers. He was a 27-year-old rookie in 1969 because he had a four-year service commitment after graduating from the U.S. Naval Academy. His career gets even shorter when you consider that head coach Tom Landry didn’t name him as the full-time starter until 1971.  But when he was on the field, there was none better. Between 1971 and 1979,  Staubach won two Super Bowls and was a six-time Pro Bowler.  The fact that he put up over 22,000 passing yards and 2,2200 rushing yards in what really amounted to only 9 full seasons, it isn’t hard to see that if Staubach had a more traditional-length career, he would easily be a top ten guy.

11) Tom Brady

Here’s where this is going to get ugly. I’m positive I’m going to get a lot of comments about how Brady should rate much higher than #11.  No offense, but anybody who thinks that right now Tom Brady is a top ten quarterback now is blind to some crucial facts. But first, let’s look at the things that got Brady on to the list in the first place.

Brady’s NFL record of 358 consecutive passing attempts without an interception would be astounding in any era.  So would the fact that he has three NFL Championships and two Super Bowl MVP awards. So would his .700+ winning percentage as a starting quarterback. Oddly enough, Brady’s accomplishments are somewhat over-valued by the era he played in.

First of all, he shares a major problem with Peyton Manning. Their lack of mobility coupled with rule changes made in the last twenty years mean neither would have been able to play before the 1970′s when quarterbacks really were “fair game.”

Second of all, Brady is great, but he simply isn’t that much better than many of his current colleagues…his 50 touchdowns or 5,000 passing yards aren’t such shocking numbers as they were in 1984 when Dan Marino was the first to approach them. The league values the forward pass, and has made rule changes to facilitate the passing game.

Lastly, I understand that Brady’s 5 Super Bowl appearances and 3 Super Bowl wins is a major accomplishment, but it’s also fair to look at Brady’s playoff performances in the years since the last of the those Super Bowl wins at the end of the 2004 season.  In 12 play-off games since the last Super Bowl win, Tom Brady and the Patriots are only 7-5. More astounding are the stats for  an average Tom Brady performance in those games: 23/36, 64% completion percentage, 256 yards, 2.17 touchdowns, and 1.42 interceptions.

Most of those numbers are acceptable, the touchdown to interception ration is the killer. For a guy who is supposed to be a great pure passer, and for a guy who holds that record of 358 consecutive passing attempts without an interception, having more three INT games than 0 INT games in your last 12 playoff performances kills ratings in categories like “Skill as a Passer” and “Performance in the Clutch”

10) Peyton Manning

Obviously, as of this writing, we have no idea if Manning’s career is over or not. As it stands right now, I believe Manning has earned the accolades which make him top ten all-time quarterback. Given the criteria we’ve established for making this list, the only way he moves up is to win another Super Bowl or league MVP award, neither of which seem very likely. Conversely, the only way he moves down is if another quarterback passes him.

Having said that, let’s look at what has made Peyton Manning a top ten quarterback. Nobody as of this date has won four NFL MVP awards. Peyton is the fastest quarterback in history to reach 4,000 completions and 50,000 passing yards. He is also an 11-time Pro Bowler and has been selected All-Pro eight times. Given all that, why is he only at #10 on this list?

For starters, Manning suffers greatly in two categories, Performance in the “clutch” and athleticism. Manning’s play-off record is dismal and Manning, like Brady, is an immobile pocket passer who would have only flourished in this league in the last twenty years.  Put him and Brady in the 1960′s when defenders were allowed to literally beat the stuffing out of quarterbacks and neither of them would have survived.

9) Sid Luckman

To understand why Sid Luckman is in the top ten, you really have to consider the power of the difference in eras, and the length of season and individual careers.  Considering Luckman played in an era when the forward pass was treated as a “trick” play, it’s difficult to look at sheer numbers and appreciate his greatness without considering the difference in eras. While Sammy Baugh (see #6) was inventing the modern passing game in the 1930′s and 1940′s, Luckman’s 2,194 passing yards and 28 touchdowns in 1943 seemed like an impossiblilty in those days; it would be roughly equal to a quarterback tossing for more than 6,800 yards and 57 touchdowns today. Luckman won four Championships and still holds the NFL record for touchdown pass percentage (7.9), and his 8.4 yards per pass attempt is second only to Otto Graham.

8 ) Sonny Jurgensen

Jurgensen is perhaps the #2 or #3 pure passer of all-time. Vince Lombardi once said that Jurgensen was the best he’d ever seen. Jurgensen was the dominant quarterback of the 1960′s. He led the NFL in passing yards five times (good for second-place all-time which he shares with Dan Marino) and led the league in passing touchdowns twice. Even though he spent time as a back-up early in his career, if he played today, an average Jurgensen season would be ~ 4,800 passing yards,  yards and 37 touchdowns against 11 interceptions per season.

7) Steve Young

In terms of athleticism, Young ranked second behind John Elway. Young had a run of dominance emjoyed by only a select few in league history, but it was only long enough to rate him at #7 on this list. Young easily could have rated as high as Elway in the overall rankings had he not wasted two seasons in the USFL, two seasons in Tampa Bay, and played back-up to Joe Montana for four more. By the time he became the starter in San Francisco, half his career was over, but in the seasons he started, Young was a seven-time Pro Bowler, first team All-Pro three times, two-time NFL MVP and won a Super Bowl in which he was also the MVP. By the way, in that Super Bowl, he threw a record six touchdown passes. That’s just for openers on Young’s impressive stats. He retired with the highest career passer rating (98.6), he had a passer rating of 100 or greater in seven seasons, while racking up 4,239 career rushing yards and 43 rushing touchdowns.

6) Sammy Baugh

Without a doubt, Sammy Baugh is the greatest all-around football player on this list. At one time, Baugh held 13 NFL records at three different positions (quarterback, punter, and defensive back). As a quarterback, spot number six may be too low.  Even though he retired 60 years ago, Baugh is still the record-holder for most years leading the league in passing yards.  Baugh is still the record-holder for most years with the lowest interception percentage. Baugh was  a 6-time Pro Bowler, a 4-time first team All-Pro, and he won two NFL Championships. The most amazing performance was Baugh’s 335 passing yards when he led the Washington Redskins over the Chicago Bears in the 1937 NFL Championship game. Remember,  the league average for passing yards that season was 102.2 yards per game, so Baugh’s performance would be like somebody throwing for about 750 yards today. Oh, and he was a rookie when he did it. It’s still the best performance for a rookie quarterback in a playoff game.

5) Dan Marino

Marino is the highest ranked guy on this list that never won a Championship, and it really doesn’t matter. No matter what your criteria, if Marino doesn’t grade out as a top five quarterback, your list is wrong. His 48 touchdown, 5,000-yard campaign in 1984 is one of the great single-season performances in all of sport, not just football.  Marino retired holding many NFL passing records, including total yards, touchdowns, and career completions.

4) John Elway

Not only is Elway perhaps the best pure athlete on this list, he also made so many mediocre players around him better. Tremendous athleticism. He was Vince Young, except he could throw it accurately to any place on the field.  Elway made legitimate receiving threats out of no-names like Ricky Nattiel, Mark Jackson, and Vance Johnson, and the threat of Elway’s passing game meant defenders played back in coverage, which allowed bench-jockeys like Gaston Green, Bobby Humphrey, and Sammy Winder to become Pro Bowlers at running back. all earned Pro Bowl berths taking handoffs from Elway.

Elway’s five 5 Super Bowl appearances ties him (as of this writing) with Tom Brady, and while he lost three of them, Elway’s dominating performances were the sole reason the Broncos mattered for a decade and a half.  Along the way, Elway won two championships, was selected to nine Pro Bowls, was a  Super Bowl MVP, and 1987 NFL MVP. Not to mention, he was nicknamed “Captain Comeback” because pulling a fourth-quarter comeback might as well be called an “Elway.”

3) Joe Montana

Montana wasn’t big and athletic. Montana wasn’t lightning quick. Montana didn’t have the quickest release. But he was the definition of “cool under pressure;” the ice water which flowed through his veins allowed him to dissect defenses with surgical precision. This is why in a 10-year span in San Francisco, Montana won four Super Bowls, was named Super Bowl MVP three times, and was NFL MVP twice.

2) Johnny Unitas

Unitas was a three-time NFL MVP and was first-team All-Pro five times.  Unitas has 3 championships, 10 Pro Bowls, was voted All-Pro 6 times., and still holds the record for most consecutive games with a touchdown pass (47) ; a record which has been on the books for 52 years.

More importantly, he was the inventor of the modern passing game. Unitas revolutionized the game, without him there would be none of the guys the under-40 crowd will try to claim are greater than he was.

1) Otto Graham

Anything you say about Otto Graham starts with this sentence: Graham was the greatest winner in the history to date of pro football.  Given the listed criteria this list with which this list was built, “Automatic Otto” was a lead-pipe cinch for the top spot.  Graham was the living, breathing definition of what being a pro quarterback is.  Stack him up against the criteria:

Toughness/Durability:  Graham played in an era when there were few rules to prevent defenders from turning quarterback into potted plants. Graham never missed a game, even after having his face split open in a game in 1953.  Graham returned to that game with 15 stitches in his mouth  to lead his team to a comeback win.

Leadership: Before his career in football, Graham served in the U.S. Coast Guard during World War II. After his pro football days, he served as the head football coach and athletic director at the U.S. Coast guard Academy

Winning as a Team: In his entire 10-year professional football career, Graham never finished a season without playing in a championship game. That means in 10 years, he played in 10 championship games and won 7 of them. That’s more than twice as many championship appearances as Joe Montana or Terry Bradshaw, with nearly twice as many victories.  Not to mention, his regular season winning percentage of 80% is still the  all-time record as well.

Athleticism:  With 44 career rushing touchdowns, there’ really no question that Graham was top-flight athlete. Not to mention, he spent a year playing professional basketball with the Rochester Royals (now the Sacramento Kings).

Skill as a Passer:  Just look at the numbers. 9.0 yards per pass attempt still ranks #1 on the all-time list, his career passer rating is the highest on this list and his interception percentage is the lowest.

Performance in the “clutch:”  .700 winning percentage in championship games, and an .800 winning percentage overall. That ought to cover it.

Ability as Compared to Others in his Era:  Because Graham spent the first four years of his career with the Cleveland Browns while they were still part of the All-American Football Conference (AAFC), and because the NFL doesn’t recognize AAFC championships or statistics, Graham rarely gets a high ranking in most discussions. That’s just ridiculous for a host of reasons, not the least of which was the fact Graham and the Browns dominated the NFL after the leagues merged in 1950. In many respects, the AAFC was a better league than the NFL, and the NFL recognizes AFL records.

Administrative decisions aside, there’s really no debating Otto Graham is the greatest quarterback of all-time.

Now for the fun part: I’m hoping you will comment on this list, but before you do, consider the following.  When you are going to tell me about how wrong I am, be sure to include what you would have done differently. Otherwise, go make your own list

-Dubsism is a proud member of the Sports Blog Movement





The 10 Worst Baseball Umpiring Calls In My Lifetime

17 02 2012

With pitchers and catchers reporting to spring training, it time to review another beautiful aspect of baseball…bad umpires. While there are so many examples of bad umpires and the bad calls, here are the ten that stand out in my lifetime.

10) Jim Joyce Blows Armando Galarraga’s Perfect Game

Let’s be honest…the only reason this call is on the list is because this happened to be the last out in a bid for a perfect game. Umpires blow calls at first base all the time; there’s more just like this one coming further down this list.  Had Jim Joyce blown this call in the third inning rather than the final frame, it would merely have sunk into the ocean. But that isn’t what happened.

With two outs in the top of the ninth inning, Armando Galarraga was one out away from history.  Cleveland Indians’ Jason Donald tapped a slow-roller that pulled first baseman Miguel Cabrera off the bag and forced Galarraga himself to cover the bag at first. Cabrera fielded the ball cleanly, threw to Galarraga,  and got Donald by at least a clear step.

But Jim Joyce didn’t see it that way.  Inexplicably, he called Donald safe, ending Galarraga’s bid on the 27th out.  Not only did Joyce screw Galarraga out of the 21st perfect game in Major League history, but that performance with a correct call would have also set the records for the fewest pitches thrown in a perfect game since 1908 and the shortest perfect game since Sandy Koufax in 1965.

9)  A.J. Pierzynski’s Non-Strikeout Strikeout

There’s several themes on this list, and one of them is all about timing. This gaffe also takes place in the ninth inning; this time in Game Two of the 2005 American League Championship Series. Chicago White Sox catcher A.J. Pierzynski was batting against Los Angeles Angels’ pitcher Kelvim Escobar.

With the score tied at 1 with two outs, Pierzynski offered at a pitch low out of the zone for what should have been strike three. But umpire Doug Eddings never signaled Pierzynski out and made no audible call.  At first, Pierzynski took a couple of steps towards the dugout, but when he didn’t hear himself being called out, he  ran to first base before a majority of the Angels even knew what had happened.  Eddings did not use any no-catch signals at all during the game, and it was his assertion the third strike bounced out of catcher Josh Paul’s glove.

The problem was replay showed the third strike was not dropped, therefore Pierzynski should have been called out to end the inning.  Upon his reaching first, Pierzynski was pulled for a pinch runner who ultimately came around to score the winning run.  Since then,  umpirers have been mandated to make a specific “no-catch” signal and/or a “no catch” verbalization after a dropped third strike.

8 ) Kent Hrbek Gets Two Points For A Take Down

Of all the calls on this list, this was the toughest to include. For purposes of full disclosure, I’m a lifelong fan of the Twins, I loved Kent Hrbek, and this call went my way.  But umpire Drew Coble still blew it.

Atlanta Braves’ outfielder Ron Gant singled to left field in the third inning of Game Two of the 1991 World Series, and he took an exceptionally wide turn around the bag; a turn so wide he drew a surprise throw behind him.  Gant got back to first safely, but he seemed to be off-balance. returned safely back to the bag, albeit slightly off-balanced.  As the Twins home-town hero and first baseman, let’s just say Kent Hrbek was “conservatively” dimensioned at 6′ 4″, 250 pounds. Without getting into the alleged accuracy of those measurements, it went without saying that Hrbek was at least four weight classes above Gant.  When Hrbek applied a “tag”  which more resembled a high leg lift followed by a subtle, yet effective body slam, he was able to do it with such ease that one could at least claim Gant’s momentum had pulled him off the base. Ray Charles, Stevie Wonder, and Drew Coble all agreed that was the case.

Several years after this incident, I happened to be living in the Twin Cites and as fate would have it, I bumped into the-then retired Hrbek in a suburban big-box retail outlet. After a handshake and some small talk, I had to ask…

J-Dub: ”Mr. Hrbek, may I ask you a question?”

Hrbek: ”Go for it.”

J-Dub: “Did you pull Ron Gant off the bag?”

Hrbek:  ”Coble didn’t think so.” (grins)

7) Tim McClelland’s Phantom Run

The 2007 season needed an extra game to see who would be the Wild Card team representing the National League; after 162 games the Colorado Rockies and the San Diego Padres needed game #163 to settle it.  Not only do we need an extra game, that game needed extra innings.

The Rockies trailed the Padres 8-6 in the bottom of the 13th inning, with two runners on base and no outs.  Rockies outfielder Matt Holliday smoked a bases-clearing triple to tie the game.  Now with Holliday on third and still nobody out, the Padres intentionally walked the dangerous Todd Helton to bring the significantly-not-so-dangerous Jamey Carroll to the plate.  Carroll hits what normally would have been a harmless soft liner to right field, which was caught by the Padres’ outfielder Brian Giles.

However, in this case, the ball looked to be deep enough for Holliday to attempt to score the game winning run.  Holliday tagged up and took off for the plate. Giles threw a one-hop strike to the plate, catcher Michael Barrett caught the ball and blocked the plate. Holliday slid head first in order to avoid the tag, but Barrett puts the ball on him, all while Holliday NEVER touched the plate.  All replays show Holliday NEVER touched the plate. But home plate umpire Tim McClelland (whose name will appear again on this list), made the safe call which handed the Rockies a victory and a trip to the postseason.

6) Larry Barnett’s Interference “Non-Call” in the 1975 World Series

If the Red Sox were still waiting for a World Series win, this moment would be right next to “Buckner” on the list of proof that “Curse” existed.  To this day, there are scads of Red Sox fans wholeheartedly believe  non-call on player interference cost the team the 1975 World Series.

Game Three proved to be crucial, and its’ outcome was decided on a play in front of the plate. Cincinnati’s Cesar Geronimo began the top of the tenth inning with a single. This was followed by a sacrifice bunt by pinch-hitter Ed Armbrister which chopped high into the air off the hard dirt in front of home plate.

When Red Sox catcher Carlton Fisk attempted to field the ball, Armbrister intentionally bulldozed him, causing Fisk  to throw wildly to second base. Naturally, the Red Sox immediately claimed interference on the part of Armbrister;  that Armbrister should have been called out by home plate umpire Larry Barnett.  They also argued that Geronimo should have to return to first base. This in-game appeal was rejected, and Fisk was charged with an error on the play.

As is all too often the case in matters like this, immediately after this play, Joe Morgan hit a single which allowed Geronimo to score, giving the Reds a 6-5 victory. As proof that Red Sox fans never forget,  Barnett was booed in every subsequent appearance at Fenway Park until his retirement in 1999.

5) Chuck Knoblauch’s Tag That Wasn’t A Tag

In yet another example the Red Sox fans and the hysteria they had about curses before 2004, this call during Game Four of the 1999 American League Championship Series was enough to make them snowstorm the field with garbage  in protest.  This is also another example of timing being a crucial element of controversy.

In the bottom of the ninth inning, the Red Sox’ John Valentin hit a routine roller to Yankee second baseman Chuck Knoblauchthe second baseman. The Red Sox already had Jose Offerman on first base, so naturally he has no choice but to break for second.  Knoblauch fielded the ball, made an attempt to tag the runner, then threw the ball to first. The key is “made an attempt to tag the runner;” in actuality Knoblauch missed the tag literally by two feet.  But  second base umpire Tim Tschida immediately called Offerman out, making this an inning-ending double play. Once again, all the replays showed Offerman and Knoblauch were barely in the same area code, let alone close enough for a tag.

4) Don Denkinger Gift Wraps a World Series for the Royals

This call is often mistakenly referred to as the worst of all time. Don’t get me wrong, Denkinger blew this call by a mile, but it really is a) just another blown call at first base, which as we’ve already discussed happen all the time b) it was in the ninth inning, which magnifies the perceived severity and c) the really egregious stuff happened the next night in Game 7.

Again, as we’ve mentioned, it is the ninth inning of Game Six of the 1985 World Series. The St. Louis Cardinals lead the Kansas City Royals 3 games to 2. The Cards are on the verge of triumph; they are only three outs away from victory as they lead the game 1-0 headed into the bottom of the ninth. Jorge Orta, the Royals’ lead-off batter of the inning hit a routine little bounder along the first base line to first baseman Jack Clark, who cleanly fielded the ball and threw it to pitcher Todd Worrell, who was covering the bag. He was clearly out and St. Louis should have been celebrating their second World Series win of the 1980′s.  Except for the fact first base umpire Don Denkinger called Orta safe.

As you would expect, a heated and lengthy argument between the Cardinals’ manager and players and Denkinger breaks out, after which Denkinger continually refused to admit he was wrong until a meeting later convened by Commissioner Peter Ueberroth. However, that meeting came too late for what happen in the bottom of the ninth as a result of this call.  The Royals got runners in scoring position with a passed ball by the Cardinals’ catcher, Darrell Porter.  Then, after intentionally walking the bases loaded, Royals’ pinch hitter Dane Iorg hit a game-winning, two-run single.

As per the standard system of rotating umpiring duties, Denkinger having been the first base umpire in Game 6 would call the balls and strikes in Game 7.  Early on it was clear he was letting the bad blood with the Cardinals from the night before effect his strike zone. Cardinal pitcher got squeezed from the first pitch forward.  Cards’ ace pitcher John Tudor gave up five earned runs and four walks in only two and one-third innings, largely because he was pitching to a strike zone about the size of a deck of playing cards right over the heart of the plate. Television cameras caught the Cardinals’ manager Whitey Herzog screaming at Denkinger from the Cardinals’ dugout. It didn’t get any better for Joaquín Andújar, who exploded twice over Denkinger’s calls at the plate during the fifth inning.  Eventually, Herzog and Andújar were ejected after a heated argument with Denkinger regarding the strike zone.  Not surprisingly, the Cardinals lost Game Seven 11-0.

3) Tim McClelland Has No Idea of the Rules

Usually, one expects a veteran umpire to do two things; blow an occasional call because errors of the eye are to be expected, and know the rules of the game. That is  unless the umpire in question is Tim McClelland. One of the great demonstrations of McClelland’s ignorance of the basics of the rules of baseball showed up in Game 4 of the 2009 American League Championship Series.

In the top of the fifth inning, New York Yankees outfielder hit a comebacker to Los Angeles Angels’ pitcher Darren Oliver. At the time, there were runners  at second and third, so Oliver threw the ball to home plate which caught the Yanks’ lead base runner Jorge Posada in a rundown.  As Posada was caught in this pickle, the Yankees’ runner on second did what he’s supposed to do; Robinson Cano advanced to third on the play.

The trouble started when the Angels’ catcher Mike Napoli caught up with Posada near third base. As Napoli approached Posada, he noticed that Cano was inexplicably not standing on the third base bag. Napoli tagged Cano and then turned back and tagged Posada, who was also not standing on the bag. It is one of the basic of baseball to know that if you aren’t touching a base, and you get tagged with the ball, you are out. Even the most casual baseball fan would know this base running gaffe should have rendered both Yankees’ runners out.

But umpire Tim McClelland didn’t see it that way. For some reason McClelland, who as the third base umpire happened to be standing directly in front of the play, only ruled Posada out. Worse yet, the call was so blatantly wrong that it should have been overruled by the home plate or second base umpire who had clear views of the play.

2) The Jeffrey Maier Incident

This one is really one of the iconic moment in the history of baseball. How many names can you think of which belong to non-players who changed the outcome of a playoff game? Welcome to the legend of 12-year-old Yankees fan Jeffery Maier. This bad call has all the hallmarks…for starters, it involves the Yankees.  It also is the first chapter in Derek Jeter’s post-season legend.

Flash the clock back to Game One of the 1996 American League Championship Series. It’s the bottom of the eighth inning, the Yankees are losing 4-3 and the future Yankee captain steps up to the plate.  Jeter nails a  long fly ball to deep right field.  As  Baltimore Orioles’ outfielder Tony Tarasco retreated to make the catch against the wall, Maier clearly reached over the wall into the field of play and  and deflected the ball into the stands.

The rule says if a spectator reaches out of the stands, or goes on the playing field, and touches a live ball, then spectator interference should be called.  This was a clear case where Tarasco was going to make the catch, it was clearly a case of fan interference, and clearly Jeter should have been called out.   Again, replays inarguably showed Maier reaching far below the top of the wall to retrieve what was Jeter’s fly ball out. But right field umpire Rich Garcia inexplicably called it a home run, tying the game at 4.  The game ended as a Yankees’ victory when Bernie Williams hit a walk-off home run in the 11th inning.

1) Tim McClelland’s “Pine Tar” Debacle Proves Once Again He Doesn’t Know The Rules

My favorite thing about this picture: The ump who has George Brett in a choke hold.

If there were a Mt. Rushmore of bad umpires, Tim McClelland would be both Roosevelts and Abe Lincoln’s beard.  After all, this is his third appearance on this list, and this instance is so incredibly bizarre it almost defies explanation.

July 24, 1983: The infamous “Pine Tar” game.  The setting: The Royals are visiting Yankee stadium; the Royals are losing 4-3 in the top of the ninth inning.  The Royals have two outs and a runner on first base. Future Hall-of-Famer George Brett steps up to the plate to face another future Cooperstown inductee in Rich “Goose” Gossage, and Tim McClelland is the home plate umpire.  Brett turns on a Gossage fastball, rocketing it into the right field seats and giving the Royals what should have been a 5-4 lead.

That was until Yankees’ manager Billy Martin confronted McClelland, citing an obscure rule stating that any foreign substance on a bat could not extend further than 18 inches from the knob.  At this point, McClelland demanded Brett’s bat be inspected. The umpires have a short conference, after which McClelland strode toward the Royals’ dugout, pointed at Brett and called him out for having too much pine tar on his bat. That made for the third out, thus ending the game at 4-3 in favor of the Yankees.

Everybody’s seen what happened next. Brett exploded out of the dugout in a full-on death charge straight for McClelland, and likely would have killed him with his bare hands had he not been physically restrained. This call was so wrong that American League President Lee MacPhail upheld a formal protest which was filed by the Royals. McClelland was officially ruled incorrect for ejecting Brett and nullifying his home run, and MacPhail ordered the game be replayed, beginning after the Brett home run. When the game resumed, the just result occurred, the  Royals won 5-4.

But what gets lost in the iconic vision of Brett’s complete meltdown is the sheer incompetence of McClelland. Not only did he let a manager goad him into a call which was blatantly wrong, if he were going to make a call about the bat, the time to do it was when Brett first stepped into the batter’s box with the allegedly offending bat. To make matters worse, there is no stipulation in the rules about a player being called out for breaking the “pine tar” rule; rather the remedy prescribed by the rule book is the  removal of that particular bat from the game.  This means McClelland hit the bad umpiring trifecta; he didn’t know the rule, he made a wrong call on the rule, and he inflicted the wrong solution.  The “pine tar” incident was easily the worst example of bad umpiring I’ve ever seen.

- Dubsism is a proud member of the Sports Blog Movement





The Worst Coaches And Managers Who Got More Than One Job

14 02 2012

20) Don Nelson

To be Don Nelson is to be about contradictions. Nelson is the winningest head coach in NBA history, yet he’s on this list. He’s been NBA Coach of the year three times, which is the same number of times he’s been fired. The reason is simple: Despite having 1,335 regular-season wins, Nelson is a .452 coach in the play-offs, which is why he has never coached an NBA Champion.

19) Tony Granato

It is rare that a lousy coach gets more than one job; its even rarer they get more than one job with the same team. Granato was the head coach for the Colorado Avalanche on two separate occasions. In the first go-around, Granato coached a Stanley Cup favorite loaded with talent like Paul Kariya, Teemu Selanne’,  Joe Sakic, Peter Forsberg, Milan Hejduk, and Alex Tanguay. They dropped it the the second round of the playoffs, and Granato was the scapegoat for this “dream team’s” choke job.

But the reward for this gagging was another shot behind the bench.  In 2008-09, Colorado again hired Granato to be the coach, except this time instead of names like Paul Kariya and Teemu Selanne’, Granato had a bench full of nobodies. He couldn’t coach talent; with none he led the Avs to their worst season ever.  Then he was fired…again.

18 ) Marcel Lachemann

Everybody remembers the Gene Mauch-led collapse of the 1964 Phillies. But most forget Marcel Lachemann had the reins of the California Angels in 1995, when on August 24 the Angels enjoyed 8.5-game lead.  Even after the Halos dropped nine straight, they regrouped and still held a six-game advantage on Sept. 12. Then came their nine-game fold-job in a month, which meant the end’ the final nail in the coffin being driven by the Mariners in a one-game playoff.

Despite this mega-fold, Lachemann’s expired contract was re-newed for 1996.  The Angles eventually realized the error of their ways; Lachemann was gassed after a 52-59 start to a season in which California finished in the AL West cellar.

17) Mike Hargrove

People may ask why Hargrove makes this list aster he captured five straight division titles with Cleveland from 1995 to 1999. That’s until it is pointed out what happened afterward.

From 2000 to 2003 leading the Baltimore Orioles, he averaged less than 69 wins per season, going 275-372 (.425). The topper to that in Baltimore was when he batted uber-hero Cal Ripken Jr. seventh in the lineup in his final game. This meant Ripken got to see his Hall of Fame career end from the on-deck circle watching Brady Anderson strike out. The Orioles were miles form the pennant race, and in a game that meant nothing in the standings, but was the swan song of arguably the greatest ambassador baseball has produced in the last 50 years, Hargrove buried Ripken in the lineup behind luminaries like Tim Raines, Sr., Luis Matos, Jeff Conine, Chris Richard, and Tony Batista.

Was it any wonder why the O’s lost 98 games in 2001?  ”The Human Rain Delay’s” managerial career was capped by a tooth-drilling two-and-a-half seasons with Seattle from 2005-07, going 192-210 (.478) and two last-place finishes in the AL West.

16) Tyrone Willingham

Willingham’s career is like a roller coaster, The way up was exhilarating; he managed to build Stanford into a respectable football team before being hired by Notre Dame. In his first year in South Bend, he led Notre Dame to a 10-3 record, but a loss in that season’s Gator Bowl was the top of the roller coaster. The ride down went through two moribund seasons at Notre Dame, after which he was canned. Then he was hired by Washington, where he took the Huskies to new lows including a 0-12 season during his final year in 2008.

15) John McNamara

McNamara has a career full of idiocy-defining moments, but nothing could ever top Game 6 of the 1986 World Series. McNamara’s misplaced sense of sentimentality let him be completely blind to the face that Boston Red Sox first baseman Bill Buckner could barely get on and off the field without a walker because of his bad ankles. do little more than hobble around on his bum ankles.  This is why McNamara didn’t replace Buckner with Dave Stapleton as a defensive replacement to protect the lead as the Red Sox were mere outs away from their first World Series win since 1918;  he wanted Buckner to be on the field for the final three outs.  You know the rest.

14) Pick a Van Gundy

  • a) Jeff Van Gundy

Easily the stupidest coach in the history of the NBA, and there’s a host of quotes to prove it.

“Our guys competed really hard for the most part. It’s wasn’t like we overwhelmed them with talent, that’s for sure.”

“When you score that little in a quarter, it’s probably part defense and part you’re missing some shots that you normally make. So we’re not going to pound ourselves on the chest because I remember three or four they had right in a row at the basket over our midgets where the ball just happened to fall out. We try to play good defense yet we understand how good of an offensive team they are.”

“(McGrady) played super hard today. He just doesn’t make (shots) at home.”

But Jeff will always be best remembered for being Alonzo Mourning’s ankle bracelet.

  • b) Stan Van Gundy

The Magic somehow win despite Stan Van Gundy. For some reason, he thinks Jameer Nelson is an elite guard in this league. For some reason, he let’s his bench players chuck up shots any damn time they want to. Maybe he thinks they are all Hedo Turkoglu five years ago. How many more times do we need to see the Magic ahead in the 4th quarter when Van Gundy decides to quit giving the ball to Dwight Howard?

13) Ron Zook

Ron Zook took the reins of the Florida Gators from Steve Spurrier and promptly turned them into a team that couldn’t beat Mississippi State. That ain’t gonna fly in Gainesville, which is why the Florida faithful flew his ass out of town. Unfortunately for Illinois fans, that flight landed in Champaign-Urbana. Other than the miracle Rose Bowl season of 2007, Zook never had a winning season at Illinois, and he finished up his career with an overall record of 57-65.

12) Dennis Green

Dennis Green made his way into the NFL by posting a single winning season amongst eight on the sidelines at Stanford and Northwestern. But once he hit the professional ranks, he suddenly improved to mediocre. To be honest, I’ve never seen anybody survive so many times in which he should have been fired. I don’t mean like how Tom Coughlin was rumored to get fired every other week until he won this most recent Super Bowl; I mean like “pack your office and get the hell out” fired.

Through his first six years with the team, Green never posted a losing record and Vikings went to the playoffs five times.  But the trouble started when then fans and the local media started flaying Green for creating a team of playoff choke-artists,; it wasn’t until his sixth season the Vikings finally won a playoff game. This led to Wheelock Whitney and Jane Dyer, who were two members of the Vikings’ ownership board, to contact Lou Holtz in 1996.  The idea was to bring Holtz in to replace Green. The rumors really started flying when Holtz abruptly announced his retirement from Notre Dame subsequent to meeting with the Vikings.

Green took this all so personally that in November 1997, he published his autobiography No Room For Crybabies, in which he responded blasted his critics and started personal vendettas against the Twin Cities sports media. To top it off, he threatened to sue the Vikings in response to the Lou Holtz rumors.

How many people do you know threaten their bosses and survive? Green survived to create the classic “should have been fired then” moment. Flash the clock to 1997; the Vikings and the Falcons are tied at 27 in the NFC Championship Game. The Vikes’ have the ball, there’s 30 seconds on the clock, and it’s third down – three yards to go from their own 30-yard line. The Vikings have two timeouts remaining and the Falcons have none.  The Vikings have what was at that time the most  explosive offensive in NFL history; Dennis Green has at his disposal quarterback Randall Cunningham, receiver Randy Moss, and really only needs 30 yards to get the NFL’s best placekicker at the time a shot at a game-winning field goal.

Instead, Green decides to play it safe and takes a knee to run out the clock. Rather than taking a shot to win the game, he merely hopes the Vikes will get the coin flip in overtime. While the do win the coin toss, the Vikes prove the flaw in Green’s plan by allowing the Falcons to score first and win, 30-27.

Believe it or not, Green survived this idiocy for four more seasons. It would be even more amazing that he got another job after that, except it didn’t surprise anybody at the time the Cardinals would make a bad hire.

11) Pierre Pagé

It’s pretty sad when a resume reads more like an epitaph. In all fairness, Page was a pretty good general manager, but in eight seasons as a head coach in the NHL (with four different teams), he only ever had one winning season. He has since been banished to Europe, where he has enjoyed some success. But he will never coach in the NHL again; they’ve seen enough.

10) Dave Shula

Just because you dad is a great football coach doesn’t mean you will be one. Enter Dave Shula, son of Hall-of-Fame coach Don Shula, and abject failure. The warning signs were there; Shula sucked as both an assistant and coordinator in Miami and Dallas. However, as proof that some people do in  fact fail upward, the Cincinnati Bengals hired Shula at their head coach in 1992.  19 wins and 57 losses later, Shula was finally shown the door by Bengals’ owner Mike Brown.

Care to hazards a guess as to what happens to the coach who reached fifty losses faster than any other coach in NFL history? He ends up working for his dad running  Shula’s Steakhouses.

9) Wade Phillips

If Wade Phillips were in the business world, he would be one of the great vice-presidents of all time; so good in fact he keeps getting hired as a CEO because nobody remember how crappy he was as a CEO the last time…largely because he was so good as a VP since then.  Hence, the football life of Wade Phillips. Great defensive coordinator becomes lousy head coach becomes great defensive coordinator becomes lousy head coach. Wade has ridden that roller coaster through three head coaching gigs. Despite the fact he has an 82-59 records as a head coach, he always seems to find a way to tank his own teams.

8 ) Rick Neuheisel

You’ve got to love a guy who is both and cheat and a loser. His 87-59 career record hides the fact that he’s only coached six winning season in 12 as ahead coach. Couple that with the following laundry list, and it is a wonder this guy got three jobs.

  • After the 1997 season, the Colorado Buffaloes were forced to forfeit their five wins due to having played an ineligible player
  • Before Neuheisel coached his first game for the Washington Huskies in 1999, he had already violated NCAA recruiting rules by visiting high school players before the NCAA approved date to do so.
  • In 2008, The Seattle Times ran a series of articles which accused Neuheisel and Washington athletic director Barbara Hedges of overlooking numerous discipline problems–including outright criminal behavior–during the 2000 season.  These allegations included safety Curtis Williams being allowed to play despite being issued an outstanding arrest warrant for assaulting his wife,  linebacker Jeremiah Pharms being under investigation for robbing and shooting a drug dealer after police found his fingerprints at the scene, and tight end  Jerramy Stevens being under investigation for rape.  Also, when Stevens later crashed his truck into a retirement home, Neuheisel only suspended him for half a game.

7) Dusty Baker

OK, there’s two ways to describe what an idiot Dusty Baker is.  There is the math-based approach, which in baseball invariably means a big dose of that Bill James’ Sabermetrics used for telling us the ways that a baseball team will score the most runs. The  theory of operation behind Sabermetrics is that team who get more base-runners score more runs. It is all really pretty logical when you think about it. Dusty Baker has refused to accept this.

The other way to look at is with simple common sense since this is a simple concept to grasp; more base runners equals more runs. The speed of the runner isn’t terribly important; it’s just more of a bonus, largely because there are all kinds of ways base-runners can score without the need for speed. Baker rejects this; his belief is that slower runners “just clog up the basepaths.” This  is why we are still waiting for that Dusty Baker-led world Series winning team.

6) Norv Turner

Picture a team that is consistently over-penalized, turnover laden, plays terrible fundamental football, and yet still piles up statistics.  Chances are that team is coached by Norv Turner.  Norv Turner has the worst winning percentage of any NFL coach whose career lasted at least 200 games. His career record of 107-113-1 indicative of his poor game management skills.  But, the Chargers just won’t fire him.

5) Buddy Bell

Buddy Bell had three different three-year stints as a manager with three different teams. He only ever had a winning season (82-80)  in 2000 with Colorado. Bell  posted identical .399 winning percentages in  Detroit and Kansas City.  This helps to explain how in nine major league seasons as a manager Bell finished in last place  six times. In all fairness, Bell was a great player; he was a five-time All-Star and won six Gold Gloves.

4) P. J. Carlesimo

Carlesimo may be the least-liked guy on this list. His authoritarian, dictatorial style which was punctuated by screaming at people constantly was far more suited to the college ranks where coaches have all the power. Once he got to the NBA, it was just a matter of time before  somebody beat the crap out of him.  While that never happened per se, Carlesimo will be more remembered for his having been nearly-strangled by Latrell Sprewell than his career coaching record of 204-296.

3) Isiah Thomas

For the sake of fairness, Isiah Thomas is one of the greatest NBA players ever, and a Hall-of-Famer.  To this day, the mention of his name to a Knicks fan may get you any reaction from violent nausea on their part to getting you punched in the face.

The fact that Thomas coached an under-performing Pacers club to a first-round play-off exit in 2003 wasn’t enough of a warning sign for the Knicks. Later that year, New York brought in Thomas as President of Basketball Operations which ultimately led to his performing the coach and general manager duties. The pinnacle of the Thomas regime was his taking the Knicks to the highest payroll in the league while having the second-worst record and his dooming the future of the franchise by trading for Eddy Curry with what turned out to be seven future draft picks, including two lottery picks in talent-rich drafts. As far as the coaching was concerned, Thomas went 56-108 while at the helm of the Knicks.

2) Rich Kotite

What can be said about Rich “Decline the Penalty and Punt” Kotite that isn’t summed up in his nickname? Thanks to the fact that I like to watch both the Philadelphia Eagles and New York Jets, I had front-row seats for watching who was easily the worst coach in any sport in the last 30 years. It simply is not possible to make a list of horrible coaches that doesn’t include this butt-loaf.

The early successes with the Eagles were largely due to the team punishing defense, not the offensive genius Kotite was supposed to be.  Kotite was fired in Philadelphia in 1994 after going 40-56 in four seasons.  The Jets years were brutal; in two seasons Kotite went 4-28.  He stepped down after his second season with the Jets and he never returned to coaching again.

1) Gene Mauch

Nobody seems to learn the lesson; safety regulations exist for a reason. Somebody somewhere somewhat smarter than you already knew that you shouldn’t stand on the top rung of the ladder.  That’s why there is usually a sign or a label; some sort of warning that what you are about to do is a bad idea.

Gene Mauch should have come with just such a label. Clearly, the other signs were not visible enough…the collapse of the 1964 Phillies, the malaise that was the Montreal Expos in the early 70′s, and the Angels’ playoff choke-jobs in the 80′s…Mauch kept a level of respect in baseball that he kept getting hired even after just having been fired for complete ineptitude.

- Dubsism is a proud member of the Sports Blog Movement





The Dubsism All-Time Offensive Line Team

7 02 2012

The big guys never get any love.  Even though the NFL released it’s list of Hall of Fame inductees for 2012 this weekend, it put us here at Dubsism in mind that no matter what you do with the Hall of Fame, there’s a serious amount of guys who even though they may be in the Hall of Fame, they get overlooked because they weren’t “glory” players.  Everybody loves to make lists about who they think are the greatest quarterbacks, greatest running backs, greatest “whatever skill guys” you would want to list.  To fill the gap, we’ve created just such a list for the big guys up front.

In doing so, our crack research staff here at Dubsism encountered one small problem. In order to be fair to the “old school guys;” those from the era when the O-line meant the  ”Front Seven;” when the “Four Horsemen” were led by the “Seven Mules,”  we had to stick with an “old school” format. This means the following teams you will see are broken down by the “old school” definition of  who was an ” offensive lineman;” two Tackles, two Guards, two Ends, and a Center.

Pete Pihos: Set the standard for end play in the modern era.

In order to make this the most complete list we could, we had to create a standard for the ends. The was called the “Pihos” standard; so named for Philadelphia Eagle Hall of Fame End Pete Pihos.  Pihos changed the way ends were used in the NFL; no longer were ends seen merely as “extra tackles.”  If there was a current player who played like Pihos, the closest pick would be Rob Gronkowski. Pete Pihos allowed for the  emergence of the tight end as a serious offensive weapon.

Former NFL head coach George Allen offered the best description of Pihos:

“He was no giant, but he was big enough. He was no sprinter, but he was fast enough. He was extremely tough and durable and determined, and he seemed to me an exceptionally smart player. He was the kind of player coaches like me wanted to captain their clubs.”

Pete Pihos’ name  is not amongst the ends on this list; his role is far too important for mere lists.  Without him, the NFL would have never seen some of the talent it has produced at tight end since.

Beside, its not like Bill Belichick used two tight ends  (Aaron Hernandez and Rob Gronkowski) to get into the Super Bowl.

Having said that…here’s the list.

First Team:

Left End: John Mackey

John Mackey was only the second player who performed strictly as a tight end to become a member of the Pro Football Hall of Fame. The 6-2, 224-pound Syracuse University star joined the Baltimore Colts as a No. 2 draft pick in 1963 and quickly established himself as a premier performer at his position.

He played nine seasons with the Colts and then finished his 10-year career with the San Diego Chargers in 1972. Mackey was not like other tight ends of his day, who were typically thought of as just another tackle on the line of scrimmage. John added another dimension to the position. His breakaway speed made him a legitimate long-distance threat. In 1966 for instance, six of his nine touchdown receptions came on plays of 51, 57, 64, 79, 83 and 89 yards.

Even though leg and knee injuries combined to cut short his career, he was a durable performer who missed only one game in 10 years. Mackey started every game as a rookie and then became the only first-year star to be picked for that year’s Pro Bowl. He also played in four other Pro Bowls during the 1960s. For three straight years in 1966, 1967 and 1968, he was the NFL’s all-league tight end.

In 10 seasons, the one-time NFL Players Association president caught 331 passes for 5,236 yards and 38 touchdowns. As a rookie, he caught 35 passes for 726 yards and a career high 20.7-yard average. That year, the Colts also utilized his speed as a kickoff return specialist and he averaged 30.1 yards on nine returns. Perhaps his most famous single play came in Super Bowl V when he grabbed a deflected pass from Johnny Unitas that produced a 75-yard touchdown, a Super Bowl record at the time. {1}

Left Tackle: Jim Parker

From the moment Jim Parker joined the 1957 Baltimore Colts as their first-round draft pick, he was considered a cinch for pro football stardom. Jim had been a two-way tackle, an All-America and the Outland Award winner as the nation’s top lineman at Ohio State.

Although his college coach thought his best shot in the pros would be on defense, Colts’ coach Weeb Ewbank tabbed Jim as an offensive lineman. The Colts at the time were just evolving as an National Football League power and the premier passer in the game, Johnny Unitas, was the guy who made the Baltimore attack click.

Parker had little experience in pass blocking, but Ewbank was sure Parker could do the job. “It didn’t take me long to learn the one big rule,” Parker remembered. “’Just keep them away from John,’ Coach Ewbank told me at my first practice. ‘You can be the most unpopular man on the team if the quarterback gets hurt.’ I couldn’t forget that!” And Parker didn’t forget.

The fact that he was assigned to protect such a famous teammate may explain why Parker seemed to attract more publicity than is usually accorded to offensive linemen. Another reason is that he was such an exceptional craftsman. In an out-of-the-ordinary twist, Jim divided his career almost evenly between left tackle and left guard.

Each job had its distinct set of responsibilities. Even the opponents were different. As a tackle, he went head-to-head against the faster, more agile defensive ends. At guard, his daily foes were the bigger and stronger defensive tackles. Parker handled both positions in all-pro fashion. At left tackle he earned All-Pro honors four straight times from 1958 to 1961.

In the middle of the 1962 season he was moved to left guard and at year’s end was named All-Pro at both tackle and guard. He then followed up with three straight seasons of earning All-Pro accolades at guard (1963 to 1965). During this period Parker played in eight consecutive Pro Bowls. {1}

Left Guard: Bruce Matthews

The Houston Oilers selected offensive lineman Bruce Matthews with the 9th pick overall in the 1983 National Football League Draft.  The move paid huge dividends for the franchise for the next 19 seasons.

When Matthews retired as a member of the Tennessee Titans following the 2001 season, no full-time positional player in NFL history had competed in more games (296) than the former USC All-America.  In fact, he played so long that his former Trojan teammate, Jeff Fisher, became his NFL coach. A three-time Offensive Lineman of the Year, Matthews started 292 of his 296 games played in the regular season and started all 15 playoff games in which he played.

Matthews began his pro career as a guard and earned a starting role on the team’s offensive line in just his second game.  Incredibly valuable to the team’s offense, Matthews eventually played every position along the Oilers/Titans offensive line during his long career.  He made his most starts at guard (99 on the left side, and 67 as the right guard) and center (87).  He also started 22 games as the team’s right tackle and 17 at left tackle.

The Oilers suffered through some dismal seasons early in Matthews’ career that included back-to-back 2-14 records during his first two NFL seasons.  The team steadily improved with Matthews helping solidify the offense and the Oilers reached the playoffs by 1987.  It marked the first of seven straight postseason trips for Matthews and the Oilers.  Two more playoff seasons came after the team relocated to Tennessee.  In 1999, the Titans were crowned AFC champions and advanced to Super Bowl XXXIV where they narrowly lost to the St. Louis Rams.
As the team’s fortunes improved, the accolades came in great numbers for Matthews. Beginning in 1988 and continuing through his final year, he was selected to the Pro Bowl each and every season.  His 14 consecutive Pro Bowls (9 at guard, 5 at center) tied Hall of Famer Merlin Olsen for the most ever.

Matthews was also named first-team All-Pro nine times (1988-1993, 1998-2000) and All-AFC 12 seasons (1988-1993, 1995-2000).  He was selected as a guard on the NFL’s All-Decade Team of the 1990s. {1}

Center: Mick Tingelhoff

It is one of the biggest travesties that Mick Tinglehoff is not in the Hall of Fame. Tingelhoff is the “Rodney Dangerfield” of offensive linemen; he just doesn’t get any respect, and it is completely ridiculous that he doesn’t.  Tinglehoff was one of ten players to have played in all four Vikings Super Bowl appearances in the 1970s, and is generally considered the best center of his era.  When he retired, he had played in the 2nd most consecutive games (240) in NFL history  - behind only teammate Jim Marshall (270). He was inducted into the Vikings’ Ring of Honor in 2001 and the team has retired his #53 jersey. He is also a member of the Nebraska Football Hall of Fame but for some reason has not yet been inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

After graduating from Nebraska, Tingelhoff entered the 1962 NFL Draft, but was not drafted and signed with the Minnesota Vikings as a free agent in 1962.  He became their starting center during his rookie season and held that spot until he retired in 1978.  In 1964, Tinglehoff began a streak five straight AP First Team All-Pro selections and six straight Pro Bowl appearances.  In 1967, Tinglehoff was named First Team All-Pro by Newspaper Enterprise Association and UPI as well as Second Team All-Pro by the AP. In 1969, he was named the NFL’s Top Offensive Lineman of the Year by the 1,000-Yard Club.  In 1970, he was named First Team All-Pro by both the PFWA and Pro Football Weekly.  He was also named Second Team All-Pro by Newspaper Enterprise Association.  He was named First Team All-NFC for that season by the AP.

And he’s still not in the Hall of Fame.

Right Guard: John Hannah

John Hannah, a 6-2, 265-pound guard from Alabama, was the first round pick of the New England Patriots and the fourth player selected in the 1973 National Football League Draft. He was an eight-letterman star in football, track and wrestling and a two-time grid All-America at Alabama.

By starting his first 13 games before a freak leg injury forced him out of the final game of his rookie season, Hannah dispelled any concerns the Patriots might have had about his ability to adjust from the straight-ahead blocking of the college wishbone offenses to the drop-back blocking and pulling required of guards in the pros.

In the next 12 years, Hannah became widely recognized as the premier guard of pro football. He was named All-Pro 10 straight years from 1976 through 1985. He won the NFL Players Association’s Offensive Lineman of the Year award four straight years from 1978 through 1981. Hannah was named to nine Pro Bowls but missed the game following the 1983 season because of an injury.

In spite of the constant contact his body had to absorb, Hannah missed only five games because of injuries of a possible 191 in his 13-season career. He also missed three games due to a contract dispute at the start of the 1977 season. Hannah clearly was the mainstay of an excellent offensive line that helped to power the Patriots to some of their finest years.

During his career, New England enjoyed seven winning seasons and a 100-91-0 cumulative record. Hannah was given a large share of the credit when the Patriots rushed for a then-record 3,165 yards in 1978. John finished his career after the 1985 season on a high note. His final campaign had produced an AFC championship and Super Bowl XX appearance for the Patriots, and All-Pro honors and a Pro Bowl invitation for himself. {1}

Right Tackle: Dan Dierdorf

Dan Dierdorf excelled as an offensive lineman for 13 seasons from 1971 through 1983. He seemed destined for stardom from the moment he joined the St. Louis Cardinals as a second-round choice and the 43rd player selected in the 1971 draft.

Dierdorf, who had been a consensus All-America at Michigan in 1970, possessed size, speed, quickness, discipline, intelligence and consistency, all necessary attributes for an outstanding lineman. The 6-3, 275-pounder from Canton, Ohio, where he was born on June 29, 1949, played both guard and tackle his first two seasons before settling down as the permanent right tackle in his third season. Dierdorf, who was equally effective as a blocker on both running and passing plays, was the ring-leader of the line that permitted the fewest sacks in the NFC for five straight years in the mid-1970s. In 1975, the Cardinals set a then-record by allowing only eight sacks in 14 games.

He proved his durability by playing in every game until a broken jaw forced him out of two games in his seventh season in 1977. In 1979, he did miss 14 of 16 games because of a dislocated left knee. However, he bounced back strongly in 1980 with another all-pro caliber season. In 1982, Dierdorf unselfishly responded to a personnel emergency on the offensive line by agreeing to move to center. He not only made a smooth adjustment to the new position but he proved to be especially effective blocking against the bigger nose tackles of the new 3-4 defensive alignments he had to face.

Dierdorf was named All-Pro five seasons – from 1975 to 1978 and again in 1980. He was elected to six Pro Bowl games, missing only once from 1974 through 1980. The NFL Players Association picked him as the best overall blocker in the NFL three straight years from 1976 to 1978. {1}

Right Tackle/Place Kicker: Lou “The Toe” Groza*

When Lou Groza retired after the 1967 season, it was truly the end of an unforgettable era for the Cleveland Browns. The last remaining member of the original 1946 Browns team, the big offensive tackle and placekicking artist played 21 years, more than any other pro player up to that time.

Many fans remember Groza primarily as a kicker, the first specialist who became so proficient that the Browns started thinking of making field goals, instead of touchdowns, when the going was rough and time was running short. Lou, who was one of pro football’s finest offensive tackles, particularly in the middle years of his long tenure, preferred to think of himself first as a tackle who just happened to be the Browns’ field-goal kicker because he “had the talent.”

Groza was named first- or second-team all-league eight times during his career. In 1954, he was The Sporting News’ NFL Player of the Year. Nine times he was named to the Pro Bowl. Six times he was a starting tackle. In 1946, 33-man rosters prevented any team from carrying a specialist, but Groza was almost that, doing all of the kicking and playing on the scrimmage line only occasionally.

Late in his second season, Lou made “the first team” and he didn’t give up that cherished status until 1959. He sat out the entire 1960 season with a back injury and then returned in 1961 at the age of 37 for seven more campaigns as a kicker only.

In 21 years, “The Toe,” as he quickly became known, tallied 1,608 points and for years ranked as the all-time top scorer. His most dramatic kick came in the 1950 National Football League Championship Game, when his 16-yard field goal in the final seconds gave the Browns a 30-28 victory over the Los Angeles Rams. {1}

Right End: Tony Gonzalez

Tony Gonzalez is the only member of this list who is still active in the. He played college football for the University of California where he was an All-American.  Since being drafted by the Kansas City Chiefs in the first round of the 1997 NFL Draft, Gonzalez has become a twelve-time Pro Bowl selection.

He currently holds the NFL records for most receptions by a tight end in a single season (102), most receptions by a tight end in a career (1,149), career touchdowns by a tight end (95), and reception yards for a tight end (13,339).

Second Team:

Left End: Kellen Winslow

Kellen Winslow, a 6-5, 250-pound tight end played for the San Diego Chargers from 1979 to 1987. To get the draft rights to the All-America from the University of Missouri, the Chargers engineered a draft-day trade with the Cleveland Browns. The Chargers then made Winslow their first-round pick and the 13th player selected overall choice in the 1979 draft.

Winslow went on to play in five Pro Bowls and was the co-Player of the Game in the 1982 game. Kellen got off to a quick start as a rookie with 25 catches before being sidelined by a knee injury in the seventh game. He returned in 1980 with career-high 89 receptions for 1,290 yards. He had 88 catches both in 1981 and 1983 and 319 in a four-year period from 1980 to 1983.

A second-knee injury forced him to miss 17 games in 1984 and 1985. But he returned to his old form late in 1985 and 1986 and he earned his fifth Pro Bowl berth following the 1987 season after a four-year absence. A knee injury suffered in the 12th game in 1987 eventually forced his retirement.

Even though he was plagued by knee injuries much of his career, Kellen still amassed 541 receptions for 6,741 yards and 45 touchdowns in just nine National Football League seasons. In 1984, he set a personal record with 15 receptions in a game against the Green Bay Packers. At the time of his retirement, Winslow ranked fifth among active receivers and 14th among all NFL pass-catchers.

A consensus All-Pro in 1980, 1981, 1982, Winslow’s most memorable performance occurred in 1981, in the Chargers 41-38 overtime playoff victory over Miami, when he caught 13 passes for 166 yards and blocked a field goal with four seconds to play to send the game into overtime. {1}

Left Tackle: Anthony Muñoz

Anthony Muñoz, a 6-6, 278-pound offensive tackle, was the first-round pick of the Cincinnati Bengals and the third player selected overall in the 1980 NFL Draft. Some considered the pick a risk because of multiple knee injuries and the fact that he played only one full game his senior year at the University of Southern California. But as the two-time All-America lineman (1978-1979) proved, the concerns were unnecessary.

An exceptional straight-on blocker, Muñoz was agile, quick, and strong. He had great foot quickness and agility necessary to block quick defensive ends. Considered by many to be the premier tackle during his 13-seasons of play, he started 164 of 168 games from 1980-1990.

An all-around athlete, he even caught seven passes and scored four touchdowns on tackle eligible plays. His stalwart play was the key to the success that propelled Cincinnati to three AFC Central Division titles and two AFC championships (1981 and 1988).

The recipient of virtually every possible honor, Anthony was elected to 11 consecutive Pro Bowls and was named All-Pro 11 straight times from 1981 through 1991. He was named the NFL Offensive Lineman of the Year in 1981, 1987, and 1988 and the NFL Players Association Lineman of the Year in 1981, 1985, 1988, and 1989.

Always in top-notch condition, Muñoz missed only three games due to injury. His rigorous workout routine included working out in the weight room he had installed in his home and running three to four miles every day. He set high personal standards and worked tirelessly to achieve them.

Born August 19, 1958, in Ontario, California, Muñoz was too big to play Pop Warner football as a youth. Instead, he concentrated on becoming an excellent baseball player. Eventually, as a college sophomore, he pitched for USC’s national championship team in 1978. By then, however, it was clear that his size and his talents were more suited for football. {1}

Left Guard: Randall McDaniel

The Minnesota Vikings used their first round selection (19th overall) in the 1988 NFL Draft on guard Randall McDaniel, an All-America and four-year starter from Arizona State. McDaniel, who immediately earned a starting role with the Vikings, played in all 16 games in his rookie season, 15 as a starter. His efforts were recognized that year as he was selected to several all-rookie teams and named a second-team All-NFC pick.

McDaniel continued to excel the following season as he embarked on a streak of 202 consecutive starts that continued through the end of his career. He also earned the first of 12 straight Pro Bowl berths.

In 1994, McDaniel was the leader of a rock solid offensive line that held opponents to just one sack every 22.7 pass attempts, the second-best ratio in team history. In 1996, coaches felt he was so talented that he could be used in ways other than just blocking. In a late season game against the Arizona Cardinals, McDaniel had two goal line carries. Then, in the Pro Bowl a couple months later, he caught a touchdown pass, becoming the first guard in AFC-NFC Pro Bowl history to accomplish such a feat.

The 1998 season was highlighted by the high-scoring attack of the Vikings offense that scored a then-record 556 points. Showing his skill at both pass and run blocking, McDaniel allowed only 1.5 sacks all season while clearing run lanes for Minnesota running backs to average 5.4 yards per carry on his side of the line.

After earning nine straight first-team all-pro selections (1990-98) and starting 13 consecutive playoff games for the Vikings, McDaniel joined the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for two final seasons (2000-01) before retiring from the NFL.
Adding to an already talented offense, McDaniel in his first season with the Bucs, helped pave the way for a team that rushed for 2,066 yards. That included a team single-game record 250 yards rushing against the Dallas Cowboys. For his efforts, McDaniel was named to his final Pro Bowl.

In all, McDaniel blocked for six different 1,000-yard rushers and five 3,000-yard passers during his 14-season career. Regarded as one of the finest offensive linemen in NFL history, McDaniel was named to the NFL’s All-Decade Team of the 1990s. {1}

Center: Mike Webster

Mike Webster, a 6-1, 255-pound All-Big Ten center at Wisconsin, was the Pittsburgh Steelers’ fifth-round selection and the 125th player taken in the 1974 NFL Draft. A three-year starter and honor student in college, Webster adapted to the pro game quickly.

For two years, he split time at center with veteran Ray Mansfield while seeing some service at guard and the special teams. However, with a start in the final game of the 1975 season, Webster began a string of 150 consecutive starts that lasted until 1986, when he missed the first four games with a dislocated elbow.

Webster, who was born March 18, 1952, at Tomahawk, Wisconsin, played more seasons (15) and more games (220) than any other player in Pittsburgh history. Webster, who was the team’s offensive captain for nine seasons, was considered to be the strongest Steeler and won the Ironman competition in 1980 to give credence to that belief.

Webster, who joined the team in the same year the Steelers won their first of four Super Bowls, also played in six AFC championship games. Pittsburgh won four of the six title games. Webster was an all-pro choice seven times and was selected to the All-AFC team five times from 1978 through 1982. He also played in nine Pro Bowls, the first five as a starter.

The Steelers made Webster a free agent in 1988 and he quickly signed on with the Kansas City Chiefs, first as an offensive line coach. But within a few weeks, Webster was back at his old center spot, starting all 16 games in 1989. He completed his 17-season, 245-game career after a final 1990 campaign with the Chiefs. {1}

Right Guard: Joe DeLamielleure

In the 1970s, Joe DeLamielleure and his Buffalo Bills offensive line mates were dubbed the “Electric Company,” because they “turned the Juice loose.” The “Juice” of course was Hall of Fame running back O.J. Simpson. An All-America and three-time All-Big Ten performer at Michigan State, “Joe D” as he was known, was selected in the first round of the 1973 NFL Draft by the Buffalo Bills.

At first, when he failed his physical, it seemed he would never play pro football. Fortunately, further tests showed his irregular heartbeat was not serious, and Joe went on to win All-Rookie honors. It was the beginning of a string of career honors that few guards had or have since exceeded.

He went on to become the most honored lineman of the Bills respected front wall. Eight times during his career he was selected first- or second-team All-Pro; seven times he was named first- or second-team All-AFC, and six times he was named to the Pro Bowl. Since 1970, only two Hall of Fame guards, John Hannah with 10 and Gene Upshaw with seven, were named All-Pro more often. In 1975, the NFL Players Association named him Offensive Lineman of the Year.

Extremely durable and dependable, Joe played in 185 consecutive games during his 13 playing seasons with the Bills and the Cleveland Browns. A starter from the first game of his rookie season, DeLamielleure played and started in every game for eight seasons in Buffalo before being traded to Cleveland in 1980. During five years in Cleveland he played in every game and had only three non-starts.

Primarily due to the success of the Bills running attack led by Simpson, DeLamielleure was best known for his run blocking. Behind the swift pulling guard, O.J. became the first player to rush for more than 2,000 yards in a season. But Joe was more than just a run blocker, he was also an effective pass blocker and rarely allowed his opponent to disrupt Buffalo’s or Cleveland’s pass plays. DeLamielleure, who was named to the NFL’s 1970s All-Decade Team, finished his career in 1985 with a final season back where it had begun, in Buffalo. {1}

Right Tackle: Willie Roaf

The New Orleans Saints drafted tackle Willie Roaf out of Louisiana Tech in the first round eighth player overall, in the 1993 NFL Draft. He was the first offensive lineman selected in that year’s draft.

Roaf started all 16 games at right tackle and did not miss an offensive snap during his first season and earned All-Rookie honors. The following year he was switched to left tackle and performed at a level that earned him more national accolades. He was voted to the Pro Bowl for the first time, named first-team All-Pro, All-NFC, and honored as the NFLPA’s NFC Offensive Lineman of the Year for the first of two consecutive seasons.

He played nine seasons in New Orleans where he started 131 regular season games. He also started two playoff games including the franchise’s first-ever postseason win, a 31-28 victory over the defending Super Bowl champion St. Louis Rams in the 2000 NFC Wild Card game.

A knee injury shortened Roaf’s 2001 season to just seven games. Then, just prior to the next year’s draft Roaf was traded by the Saints to the Kansas City Chiefs in exchange for a third-round draft pick. He rebounded from his injury to regain his form. Roaf earned All-Pro honors in three of the four seasons he played with the Chiefs. He was a key part of Kansas City’s offensive line that helped the Chiefs lead the NFL in points scored in 2002 and 2003. The club also led the AFC in total yards in 2003 and the NFL in 2004 and 2005.

The 6’5”, 300-pound Roaf retired after the 2005 season. In all, he played in 189 career games over 13 seasons and was named first-team All-NFL seven times (1994-96, 2000, 2003-05), All-NFC six times, and All-AFC three times. He was also voted to 11 Pro Bowls. The only times he did not receive an invitation to the league’s All-Star game during his career was following his rookie year and his injury-shortened 2001 season.

Roaf is also a member of the NFL’s All-Decade Team of the 1990s, and was just inducted into the Hall of Fame in 2012. {1}

Right End: Shannon Sharpe

The Denver Broncos selected Shannon Sharpe out of Savannah State in the seventh round of the 1990 NFL Draft. He retired 14 seasons later as the all-time leader in catches, yards and touchdowns by a tight end.

His breakout year came during his third season when he led the Broncos in receiving with 53 catches for 640 yards to earn his first of eight Pro Bowl nods. Other than an injury-shortened 1999 campaign, Sharpe never caught less than 60 passes in a season for the remainder of his career.

In 1993, he was named first-team All-Pro for the first of four times after catching 81 passes for 995 yards and scoring 9 touchdowns. He followed that performance with a career-high 87 receptions in 1994.

Sharpe left the Broncos in 2000 and signed with the Baltimore Ravens as an unrestricted free agent. It was while with Baltimore in 2001 that Sharpe surpassed Hall of Famer Ozzie Newsome to become the NFL’s record holder for receptions and receiving yards by a tight end. After two seasons with the Ravens he returned to Denver and played two final years with the Broncos. He became the career leader in touchdowns by a tight end in his final season. All three career marks have since been surpassed. Sharpe’s final career numbers read 815 receptions for 10,060 yards and 62 TDs. Ten times he had 60 or more catches including three 80-catch seasons. Sharpe eclipsed the 1,000-yard mark three times and twice had 10 TDs in a season.

He played in 204 regular season games and started in four AFC championship games. He was the starting tight end in Denver’s back-to-back Super Bowl titles (XXXII and XXXIII) and the Ravens’ Super Bowl XXXV victory.

Sharpe’s 96-yard touchdown reception in the 2000 AFC Championship Game came on a short pass from Trent Dilfer on third-and-18. The tight end streaked up the middle untouched for the game’s first and only touchdown which proved to be all that the Ravens needed to secure its first AFC championship and Super Bowl berth. The play remains the longest TD catch in NFL playoff history.

Sharpe led the Broncos in receiving six times and the Ravens once. He was named first-team All-Pro and All-AFC in 1993, 1996, 1997 and 1998 and was selected to the NFL’s All-Decade Team of the 1990s. {1}

Third Team:

Left End: Mike Ditka

Mike Ditka, the No. 1 draft pick of the Chicago Bears in 1961, introduced a new dimension to the tight end position that once was viewed primarily as an assignment for a tough, talented blocker. Ditka proved to be a superior blocker but he also became one of the first tight ends to catch a large number of passes.

He startled opponent defenses with 56 catches for 1,076 yards and 12 touchdowns in his Rookie-of-the-Year campaign in 1961. Three years later in 1964, he had 75 receptions, a season record for tight ends that lasted until 1980 and the era of the 16-game season. The 6-3, 225-pound native of Carnegie, Pennsylvania was a consensus All- America in 1960 while playing for the University of Pittsburgh.

He moved into the Bears’ starting lineup at the beginning of his rookie season and didn’t miss a start in 84 games with the Bears. He earned All-NFL honors four straight seasons from 1961 through 1964 and was a Pro Bowl choice after each of his first five seasons. He wound up his 12-year career with 427 receptions for 5,812 yards and 43 touchdowns.

At the time of his retirement after the 1972 season, he ranked second among all tight ends in receptions. In 1967, Ditka was traded to the Philadelphia Eagles. An injury in the second game that year aborted his consecutive-game streak at 86. He missed eight games in two years with the Eagles before moving on to the Dallas Cowboys in 1969. The fiercely determined and competitive Ditka regained much of his old form in four years in Dallas. His best campaign there was in 1971 when the Cowboys won their first Super Bowl championship. Ditka had 30 receptions that year and he scored the final touchdown in Dallas’ 24-3 win over the Miami Dolphins in Super Bowl VI. {1}

Left Tackle: Art Shell

Art Shell, a third-round draft pick of the Oakland Raiders in 1968, excelled on the special teams for two seasons before winning the starting offensive left tackle job in his third campaign. Within a short time, he became widely recognized as one of the premier offensive linemen in the National Football League.

Through much of his career, Shell teamed with left guard Gene Upshaw, a 1987 Pro Football Hall of Fame enshrinee, to provide the Raiders with an exceptional nucleus to a forward unit that powered the perennially strong Oakland offense of the 1970s.

Many observers rate Shell, who was equally adept as a pass protector and a blocker on running plays, as the finest of many excellent Raiders offensive linemen of the 1970s. Shell was a first- or second-team All-Pro choice six straight years from 1973 through 1978.

He also played in eight Pro Bowl games and 23 post-season contests, including eight AFL/AFC championships and the Raiders’ victories in Super Bowls XI and XV. Shell was credited with a nearly perfect performance against Jim Marshall, the Minnesota Vikings’ sterling defensive end, in Super Bowl XI.

Art played in his first 156 pro games before a pre-season injury in 1979 forced him out of the lineup for five games. He then launched another streak of 51 games that ended with an injury midway into his final 1982 campaign.

Born in Charleston, South Carolina Shell was All-State in both football and basketball at Bonds-Wilson High School in North Charleston. In college with the Maryland State-Eastern Shore grid team, he starred on both offense and defense. Art was named All-Conference three years, All-America two years by the Pittsburgh Courier and Ebony Magazine and little All-America as a senior in 1967. {1}

Left Guard: Gene Upshaw

Gene Upshaw was the Oakland Raiders’ first-round choice in the first combined AFL-NFL draft in 1967. The 6-5, 255-pound lineman had played center, tackle, and end while winning NAIA All-America honors at Texas A&I.

The Raiders’ coaching staff decided left guard would be Gene’s best pro position and Upshaw won the starting job in his rookie training camp. Upshaw’s size, it was felt, would help neutralize the effectiveness of Ernie Ladd and Buck Buchanan, two huge defensive tackles in Oakland’s division.

Gene held the guard spot for the next 15 seasons, starting in 207 straight regular season games until finally being forced out of action for one game in 1981. Upshaw returned the next week to play 10 more games in what turned out to be his final season. He was scheduled to play again in 1982, but an injury in the summer season put him on the injured reserved list for the entire campaign.

Altogether Upshaw played in an incredible 307 preseason, regular season, and post-season contests. Included in his 24 post-season games were three AFL and seven AFC championship games and Super Bowls II, XI and XV. Counting the AFL championship in 1967 and victories in Super Bowls XI and XV, Upshaw became the only player ever to start on championship teams in both the AFL and NFL.

Honors came frequently for Upshaw. He was named first- or second-team All-League or All-Conference 11 consecutive years, and he was named to play in seven Pro Bowls. Upshaw was an intense, intelligent, dedicated competitor who used his excellent size and speed to best advantage.

Extremely effective leading wide running plays; Gene was an integral part of the powerful offensive line that spawned the Raiders’ lethal running attack of the 1970s. Recognized as a team leader, Upshaw captained the Raiders’ offensive unit for eight seasons. {1}

Center: Jim Langer

Jim Langer joined the Miami Dolphins as a free agent in 1970, stayed with the club for 10 years through the 1979 season and then wound up his career with the Minnesota Vikings in 1980 and 1981. In his decade with the Dolphins, Jim developed from an obscure substitute to one of the finest centers ever to play.

Langer was named first-team All-Pro four times and All-AFC five straight years from 1973 to 1977 and was also picked for the Pro Bowl six straight times. During that period, he started in three AFC championship games and Super Bowls VI, VII and VIII.

Many qualified observers insist that Langer was the most proficient performer on a talent laden offensive line that fueled Miami’s vaunted ball-control offense. Jim played middle linebacker at South Dakota State before being signed by the Cleveland Browns as a free agent early in 1970, but was cut during training camp. Jim then latched on with the Dolphins.

For two years, he saw only limited action as a guard and a special teams player. But In 1972, he switched to center, won the starting job and wound up playing every offensive down in Miami’s perfect season.

Hard working and quick, Langer was a compact, low-driving blocker who had the strength to stymie the bigger defensive linemen. At first, Jim snapped only on T-formation scrimmage plays but, after long practice in his own backyard, he started snapping on punts and placekicks in 1974. Langer also proved to be durable.

Continuing to play in spite of injuries, Jim saw service in 141 consecutive games from 1972 until a knee injury ended his Miami tenure with seven games left in the 1979 season. Early in the 1980 campaign, he was traded to the Vikings, with whom he played two more seasons. {1}

Right Guard: Larry Little

Larry Little, unlike many highly touted Miami Dolphins stars of the 1970s, began his career in 1967 as an unheralded free agent with the San Diego Chargers. Larry, who had been a two-way tackle, team captain, and an All-Conference choice at Bethune-Cookman College, enjoyed only moderate success during his two years in San Diego.

Just before the 1969 campaign, however, he was traded to the Dolphins and it wasn’t long before the 6-1, 265-pound guard was being praised as one of the National Football League’s premier offensive linemen. A fixture at right guard during the 1970s when the Dolphins were a dominant team in pro football Little was the embodiment of the intimidating force of the famed Miami rushing attack.

A superb pass blocker, awesome on the scrimmage line and especially effective as the lead man on the powerful Dolphin sweeps, Little was named first-team All-NFL from 1971 through 1975 and again in 1977. He was also named second-team All-NFL in 1978, and All-AFC five times. Larry was selected to play in five Pro Bowls (1970, 1972, 1973, 1974, and 1975). He was named the NFL Players Association’s AFC Lineman of the Year in 1970,1971 and 1972.

When Miami rushed for a then-record 2,960 yards in its perfect 1972 season, Little was tabbed by one prestigious selection panel as the NFL’s outstanding blocker. Little displayed versatility, durability and dedication throughout his career.

Coach Don Shula called him “a real inspiration, not just for the way he performs but also for his influence on our younger players.” In one emergency situation, brought about by injuries, Little shifted to the unfamiliar right tackle spot with little effect on his quality of play. Even though he was plagued by knee, ankle, and leg injuries through much of his career, he sat out only four games because of injuries in his first 11 seasons with the Dolphins.

Right Tackle: Jackie Slater

Jackie Slater, a veteran of twenty National Football League seasons, was like the Energizer Battery bunny that “just kept going and going and going.” Drafted by the Los Angeles Rams in the third round of the 1976 NFL Draft, Slater is tied for third all time for the most seasons played in the history of the league. His 259 regular-season games played were the most ever by an offensive lineman when he retired, and his 20 seasons with one team is an NFL record.

Although used primarily as a backup and special teams player during his first three seasons, Slater became a starter in 1979 and was a part of an offensive line that surrendered just 29 sacks and helped the Rams’ offense finish second in the NFL in total yards gained with 6,006.

The 6-4, 277-pound tackle went on to become the mainstay of the Rams’ offensive line. Slater was a first- or second-team all-pro selection following five different seasons and a first- or second-team All-NFC choice, seven times. A popular player known for his work ethic and leadership skills, Slater earned seven Pro Bowl berths. His first selection followed the 1983 season, and then was chosen in consecutive years from 1985 through 1990.

Twenty-four different quarterbacks and 37 different running backs played behind Slater during his long career. A powerful drive blocker, Slater blocked for seven different 1,000-yard rushers, including Lawrence McCutcheon, Wendell Tyler, Eric Dickerson, Charles White, Greg Bell, Cleveland Gary, and Jerome Bettis. He also blocked in 107 games in which a runner gained 100 yards or more. Slater was also a quality pass blocker.

Twenty-seven times Rams quarterbacks threw for 300 yards or more in a game with Jackie in the lineup. In 1983, he and the Rams offensive line demonstrated their versatility when they allowed a league-low 23 sacks while also paving the way for Dickerson’s rookie rushing record of 1,808 yards.

A veteran of 18 playoff games, including Super Bowl XIV, Slater was a model of consistent superlative play and was widely regarded as one of the game’s premier linemen. {1}

Right End: Don Hutson

Don Hutson’s first touchdown came on an 83-yard pass from Arnie Herber in just his second game as a Green Bay Packer. He wound up with 99 career touchdown receptions, a record that stood for more than four decades. When Hutson retired in 1945 after 11 superb seasons, he held 18 NFL records, including 488 career receptions.

That was 200 more than his closest competitor. Hutson invented modern pass receiving. He created Z-outs, buttonhooks, hook-and-gos, and a whole catalog of moves and fakes. Although he had been an All-America at Alabama in 1934, there were plenty who doubted the skinny speedster could stand the pace of pro football. But it wasn’t long before his mere presence on the field had changed the defensive concept of the game.

Don could outmaneuver and outrace virtually every defender in the league. He led the NFL in receiving in eight of his 11 seasons and in scoring five straight years. Twice, in 1941 and 1942, he was named the league’s MVP.

Like everyone in the days before free substitution, Hutson was a 60-minute player who spent most of his career as a very fine safety on defense. In his final six seasons, he swiped 30 opposing quarterbacks’ passes. Often after scoring a touchdown, he would kick the extra point. In one quarter of a 1945 game, he caught four touchdown passes and kicked five PATs for an amazing 29 points.

Had it not been for a unique decision by NFL President Joe Carr, Hutson might never have become a landmark pass-catcher. After college, Don signed contracts with both the pass-minded Packers and the NFL’s Brooklyn Dodgers, a team that rarely passed. Carr ruled the contract with the earliest postmark would be honored. The Packers’ contract was postmarked 8:30 a.m., 17 minutes earlier than the Dodgers’ pact. Thus Hutson became a Packer. {1}

Honorable Mention:

Left End: Dave Casper

Tight end Dave Casper was an Honorable Mention All-America as an offensive tackle in 1972, and an All-America tight end in 1973 at Notre Dame. The Oakland Raiders selected him in the second round of the 1974 National Football League Draft.

Used primarily on special teams his first two years in Oakland, he earned a starter’s role in 1976 and quickly established himself as a dominant player, finishing the season with an impressive 53 catches for 691 yards and 10 touchdowns. His outstanding play invigorated the Raiders’ offense with a blend of pass catching and blocking that culminated in a 32-14 victory over the Minnesota Vikings in Super Bowl XI. Nicknamed “The Ghost” by his teammates, Casper was not only a great receiver and blocker, he was also a clutch performer.

Two of the game’s most memorable plays involved the sure-handed tight end. In the 1977 AFC playoff game between the Raiders and the Baltimore Colts, it was Casper’s 10-yard touchdown reception that ended the double-overtime affair, 37-31, in favor of the Raiders. “Ghost to the Post,” the game is called in reference to Casper’s 42-yard reception route that set up the tying field goal at the end of regulation.

Early the next season, Casper again pulled his team from certain defeat, on a play that would forever be remembered as “The Holy Roller.” Down six points to the San Diego Chargers with 10 seconds remaining in the game, Raiders quarterback Ken Stabler fumbled the ball. The ball rolled 13 yards to the Chargers 11, where running back Pete Banaszak batted it toward the goal line. At the 5, a quick thinking Casper continued the ball’s forward progress with his foot before finally falling on it in the end zone for the game-winning touchdown.

Casper played six and a half seasons with the Raiders. During that time he was named All-Pro and All-AFC four times and was selected to play in four Pro Bowls. Midway through the 1980 season he was traded to the Houston Oilers for a first-round and two second-round draft picks. There he was reunited with Stabler who was traded to the Oilers at the start of the season. Casper finished the season with 56 receptions and was named to his fifth Pro Bowl. In 1984, after a brief stint with the Minnesota Vikings, Casper returned to the Raiders finishing his career with 378 receptions for 5,216 yards and 52 touchdowns.  {1}

Left Tackle: Rayfield Wright

Rayfield Wright, the Dallas Cowboys seventh round draft pick in the 1967 draft, was given little chance of making the team’s final roster. But the Fort Valley (GA) State All-America demonstrated enough determination and raw athleticism that the coaching staff knew they somehow needed to work him into the lineup.

During his first three seasons the 6-6, 255-pound Wright was used as a tight end, defensive end, and offensive tackle. In 1969 when tackle Ralph Neely was injured, Coach Tom Landry decided to insert Wright into the lineup. His first opponent was future Hall of Fame defensive end Deacon Jones. “The Deacon is big and strong and mean,” Wright was cautioned by his line coach. “Well,” said the confident Wright, “so am I.”

Wright’s performance against Jones was good enough that before training camp opened in 1970, Landry announced that Wright would be his starting tackle. One season later he was named All-NFL. Known as “Big Cat,” Wright earned first- or second-team All-NFL honors six consecutive times (1971-1976). He was also selected to play in the Pro Bowl following each of those seasons.

Wright’s performance during the 1975 season was particularly impressive. Coming off knee surgery, many questioned whether “Big Cat” would even play. Not only did he play, but he again notched All-NFL honors into his career belt. In postseason play he faced three legendary defensive ends – Hall of Famer Jack Youngblood, Pittsburgh Steelers L.C. Greenwood, and Minnesota Vikings Carl Eller – head on. Each time he rose to the occasion with exceptional play.

“He was truly outstanding,” Youngblood summarized of Wright’s play in the playoff game. As for his performance against Eller, longtime Cowboys offensive line coach Jim Myers proclaimed that Rayfield “played as well or even better in that game.”

“An all-day fight with Rayfield Wright definitely is not my idea of a pleasant Sunday afternoon,” Eller once offered. “I think he is pretty much of a composite of an all-pro tackle. He has size, strength, and quickness. The big thing in Rayfield’s favor is that he has a lot of range. He moves faster than most tackles. He’s just difficult to play against.”

Myers summarized Wright’s overall career this way. “We tried to make a tight end out of Rayfield. Then we tried him on the defensive line. And then he made a great coach out of me.” {1}

Left Guard: Jerry Kramer

Jerry Kramer spent his 11-year NFL career with the Green Bay Packers as a 6’3″, 250 pound. Kramer was an integral part of the famous “Packer Sweep,” a signature play in which both guards rapidly pull out from their normal positions and lead block for a running back going around the end.

Kramer was an All-Pro five times, and a member of the NFL’s 50th anniversary team in 1969, but surprisingly, even after appearing on the list of finalists ten times since becoming eligible, he has not been inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

He was rated #1 in the NFL Network’s Top 10 list of players not in the Hall of Fame.


Center
: Jim Otto

Some people say that playing on the offensive line has no glory. But it’s difficult to imagine any one player dominating the honors at one position more completely than Jim Otto did both in the American Football League and in the National Football League from 1960 through 1974.

The Wausau, Wisconsin, native joined the newly founded Oakland Raiders in 1960 and, for the next 15 seasons, he was the only starting center the Raiders ever had. He was one of only three players who saw action in each of his team’s 140 regular season games over the

AFL’s ten-year history, and he played with such skill that in its entire history, the AFL never had another all-league center.

Otto, who starred as a center and linebacker at the University of Miami in Florida, won All-AFL acclaim 10 straight seasons. He was All-NFL in 1970 and 1971, and then earned second-team All-NFL honors in 1972. Not surprisingly, he was named to the all-time All-AFL team following the 1969 season.

During his 15-year career, he participated in each of the nine AFL All-Star games that were played and in the AFC-NFC Pro Bowl the first three seasons that postseason classic was scheduled. Jim never missed a game. When he retired following the 1974 season, he had started in 210 straight games in regular season but had played in 308 games as a Raider.

During that period, the Raiders, who had once been AFL doormats, rose to prominence. Oakland won seven divisional championships in an eight-year period from 1967 through 1974. The 1967 Raiders became AFL champions and played against the NFL’s Green Bay Packers in Super Bowl II. Throughout this time span, Otto was a tower of strength as the anchor of the Raiders’ talented offensive line. {1}

Right Guard: Larry Allen

Larry Allen was drafted by the Dallas Cowboys out of Sonoma State College (CA) in the second round of the 1994 NFL Draft. An 11-time Pro Bowl selection, Allen played 12 seasons with the Cowboys and earned a Super Bowl ring with the team in Super Bowl XXX.

He played his final two seasons with the San Francisco 49ers before signing a one-day contract with the Dallas Cowboys, allowing him to retire with the organization that drafted him. In his career, he played in more Pro Bowls than any other Dallas Cowboys offensive player in franchise history.

At 6′ 3″, 325 pounds, Allen is regarded as possibly one of the physically strongest men to have ever played in the NFL, having recorded a bench press of 692 pounds.

Right Tackle: Forrest Gregg

During the 15 seasons that he played in the National Football League, Forrest Gregg could have been described as one of the best ever to play his position in the history of the game. A native Texan, Forrest starred in college at Southern Methodist and was the Green Bay Packers’ No. 2 draft pick in 1956.

Even though, at 6-4 and 249 pounds, he was considered small for the job, he was ticketed from the start for the offensive right tackle position. Realizing that he would never be able to overpower the monstrous defensive left ends that would be pouring in on him, Forrest went right to work learning how to finesse them. He spent countless hours watching coaches’ films of the most noted stars. It wasn’t long before he knew the moves of every opponent and had perfected ways to combat them.

Forrest earned an “iron-man” tag by playing in a then league record 188 consecutive games from 1956 until 1971, his final season which he spent with the Super Bowl bound Dallas Cowboys. As the Packers grew in stature in the 1960s, so too did Gregg. He won All-NFL acclaim eight straight years from 1960 through 1967 and was selected to play in nine Pro Bowls.

In 1961 and again in 1965, when injuries created a crisis on the Packers’ offensive line, Gregg willingly switched to guard to fill the void. In 1965, one major wire service named him an All-NFL at guard, the other picked him as its all-league tackle. A most fitting tribute came from the late Vince Lombardi who was blessed with many great stars during the dynasty years in Green Bay. But Vince, in his book, “Run to Daylight,” stated simply: “Forrest Gregg is the finest player I ever coached!” {1}

Right End: Jackie Smith

Jackie Smith, a 6-4, 235-pound tight end, was a fixture for 15 years with the St. Louis Cardinals from 1963 to 1977. He finished his career with the Dallas Cowboys in 1978. At the time of his retirement, he ranked as the all-time receiver among tight ends with 480 receptions for 7,918 yards and 40 touchdowns.

An outstanding football and track competitor at Northwestern Louisiana, Smith was the Cardinals’ 10th-round draft pick in 1963. Smith was a talented receiver, a punishing blocker, a fierce competitor and an excellent runner after he caught the ball. He even handled the Cardinals’ punting chores his first three seasons.

Smith became the Cardinals’ starting tight end during his 1963 rookie season and remained a fixture at that spot the rest of his tenure in St. Louis. He gave notice of things to come when he gained 212 yards on nine receptions against Pittsburgh that year.

The team’s offensive co-captain, Smith had one string of 45 straight games from 1967 to 1970, with at least one reception. He played in 121 straight games starting with his first NFL contest and continuing until a knee injury sidelined him in his ninth season in 1971.

Injuries slowed him again in 1975 and 1976 but Smith still played in 198 games. Smith played in five straight Pro Bowls from 1967 through 1971, and was named All-NFL in 1967 and 1969. He had his single season best performance in 1967 when he recorded 56 receptions for 1,205 yards and nine touchdowns.

During his career, he caught more than 40 passes seven different years. His 16.5-yard average per reception is a reflection of both his excellent speed and determined running style. {1}

{1} – Biography from the Pro Football Hall of Fame

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Ten Pointless USB Devices Compared To Their Equally Useless Sports Figures

1 12 2011

Being that the holiday season is upon us, there is a lot of thought begin given to gift-giving. If you are reading this, then you must be thinking, “Gee, what do I get for the sports blogger in my life?”

This allows for another of our comparison pieces with a list published by the good people at Listverse.  Since most sports bloggers spend a lot of time around their computers, and since most sports blogs (especially this one) are generally pointless, what better that a list of pointless USB devices and blogging it up by comparing it to a list of equally useless sports figures.

10) USB Fridge

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“The time has come to stop forcing yourself to drink tepid Pepsi while forgetting yourself in the mountains of work at your desk! Plug the USB Fridge into your computer while you are working,  place a beverage inside and get ready to enjoy your choice of tasty liquid at a cool 47 degrees Fahrenheit.”

Equally Useless Sports Figure: Curtis Painter

What better way to represent a refrigerator which only holds one drink, and only partially cools it than with a quarterback who can’t complete passes and only gets close to winning?

9) USB Monitor Smasher

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“As useful and compliant as your PC may be, at some point you probably just want to clobber it into a million tiny pieces. Here we introduce the device that will save you thousands of dollars and hours of cleanup time. The ScreenSmasher is a foam mallet that comes with a USB sensor. Take the stress relieving smack at your screen and your Windows Desktop will automatically display the image of shattered glass – also with a realistic crash sound effect.”

Equally Useless Sports Figure: The Regular Season in College Basketball

What better description is there for the college basketball regular season than a foam rubber mallet which allows you to expend a ton of time and energy and not get anywhere? Last sesson’s run by Connecticut proves it. The Huskies finished the regular season with a 9-9 record in conference play for a 9th place finish in the Big East. Yet, they hit a ten-game winning streak at just the right time, sweeping throught he Big East and NCAA tournaments. The 22 wins before that meant nothing.

8 ) USB Gold Flash Drive 

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“True, the flash drive is a far cry from a bizarre USB device – but it is the price tag of this attractive accessory that puts it on this list. Introduced at the CeBIT show in Hannover, Germany, this exclusive USB key seems to be marketed mainly for its exquisite exterior – as its memory capacity wasn’t even mentioned at its premiere. It was later released that capacities will include 128MB, 256MB, 512MB and 1024MB. This gold-plated, diamond-encrusted USB memory stick is also adorned with a hefty price tag of 2,950-euro or $3,500!”

Equally Useless Sports Figure: The Ridiculously Over-Priced Free Agent

I’m not singling out Soriano per se, but he does make a perfect example of a guy who has been paid far more than he’s performed. Let’s be honest, every team that’s ever spent money has bought a $20 flash drive for $3,500 at some point.

7) USB Hampster Wheel

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“Tired of your monotonous office work day after day, caught up in the rat race of the working world? Ready for the perfect way to lift your spirits and send laughter tearing through the office? Introducing the USB Hampster Wheel! Just plug it into your USB port, load the software provided and watch your furry friend as you type: the hampster gets running and spins the wheel around in the process, spinning even faster as your typing speed increases!”

Equally Useless Sports Figure: ESPN News

For a media outlet to continue to run a sports-news network that does little more than runs the same 30-minute show all damn day long suggest they a) don’t understand that now every sports fan in the world has a smartphone which obviates TV newscasts, b) never heard of the internet, and c) actually believe people want to see the same highlight clips 75 times per day.

6) USB Exercising Dog

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“You’ve got to do something with your unused USB ports, so why not fill it up with something totally useless like these USB dogs? A more family-friendly version then its “humping dog” predecessor, you can watch the USB Exercising Dog as he works his washboard abs to perfection!”

Equally Useless Sports Figure: Pitching Coaches

What does a pitching coach do for a major-league moundsman? That is besides walking out to tell him “Uh, Skip’s thinking of pulling you if you don’t start throwing strikes…so, uh, you probably want to  start throwing strikes.”

5) USB Ghost Radar

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“For the multitasking, facebook-addicted Ghostbuster, here is the USB device you’ve been searching for. The USB Ghost Radar supposedly does just as it says, detect ghosts. This gadget is actually quite complex. Using sensors and alert lights, and an algorithm it detects any paranormal activity – all the while factoring in biometric feedback from your skin, along with many other features. Plug in the USB Ghost Radar and it will beep in rhythm with specific light patterns depending on the paranormal activity around you. The volume and intensity of the beeps supposedly indicates how close your ghost is. The lights help you figure out the ghost’s position, movement, and the risk possibilities.”

Equally Useless Sports Figure: The Radar Gun Guy

Isn’t this guy’s job really to tell us what we already know? The first time I saw Justin Verlander’s fastball I said “Holy shit! That kid’s got a heater!” I didn’t say “Holy shit! I wish there was a radar gun guy around to tell me that kid’s got a heater.”

4) Mr. Tengu

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“Wouldn’t it be nice to have a little buddy that could just sit right next to your computer and make stupid faces? Plug Mr. Tengu into your USB port and he will sit contently at your desk making weird faces with changes in sound, and will take naps when his daily face making routine becomes too exhausting.”

Equally Useless Sports Figure: Tim McCarver

Honestly, when I read the description “he will sit contently at your desk making weird faces with changes in sound, and will take naps when his daily face making routine becomes too exhausting,” I thought all they have to do is add “comment on the completely obvious” and Mr. Tengu would be a perfect McCarver-Bot.

3) Coffee Mug-Mouse

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“Now I know what you’re thinking…. “Besides the high ‘coffee-spilling-all-over-the-desk’ chances, isn’t that going to be tough to use?” In fact, the MugMouse was created with the deliberate intention by SLOWEB Peripherals “to provide an alternative to the fast global flow of information”. This infrared mouse follows your movements and the mouse button at the bottom of the mug is clicked by pushing the whole mug towards the table; And as an added bonus, this handy mug not only holds 150mL of your favourite hot drink, but keeps it steamy with the built-in heater. So for those who are looking for a speed reduced computer mouse  that doubles as a coffee mug – this little diddy is for you!”

Equally Useless Sports Figure: The NFL Playoff Overtime Rule

Until I discovered this coffee-mug mouse, I thought having different rules for the regular season and the playoffs was the dumbest thing I ever heard. Even the officials can’t keep it straight.

2) Bowling Ball-Flash Drive

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“Though this “heavy duty” memory stick is not yet patented and ready to sell to the public – I can’t help but applaud this device’s creator Chris Spurgeon for attempting to find the solution to our age’s miniature flash drives going missing. Converting his 16 pound bowling ball into a memory stick he asks himself “Let’s see if I send that through the laundry by mistake!” On the practical side though, I hope when using it he doesn’t attach it directly to his laptop…”

Equally Useless Sports Figure: A 96-team College Basketball Tournament Format

I can’t think of two better examples of taking a good thing so far over the top as to make it completely impractical.

1) USB Scan Toaster

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“Ever wonder what it would feel like to see your face on a 5 dollar bill? A postage  stamp? How about a piece of toast? A finalist in the 2008 Electrolux Design Lap competition, the USB Scan toaster uses hot wires that rotate within a 30° radius to “burn” anything you want onto your piece of toast; the news, weather or snapshots – the delicious possibilities are endless!”

Equally Useless Sports Figure: The NFL Pre-Season

Remember the saying “neccessity is the mother of invention.” Whoever decided they needed to place their likeness on a slice of toast is likely the same type person who thought it was a good idea to schedule a slew of games every year that mean nothing, for which fans get to pay full ride only to see guys who will be loading trucks at UPS in a few weeks.





The 10 Worst Baseball Pennant Race Collapses – The Red Sox Weren’t The Worst, Just The Most Fun

30 09 2011

Given what happened the other night, there’s a lot of superlatives being bandied about…while the Red Sox and Braves both managed a serious dose of  ”epic fail,” neither of them are the worst choke job in pennant race history.  So, before you let anybody tell you the Red Sox pulled off the worst collapse in history, compare it to some of the truly titanic throat-closers of all time.

10) 1987 Toronto Blue Jays

"I've got to make room for Sil Campusano."

The favorite American League sons of the Great White North were 96-59 and had a 3.5-game over the Detroit Tigers with seven games to play. On the second-to-last Sunday of the season,  Toronto had a one-run lead over the Tigers headed into the ninth inning, until Kirk Gibson’s solo shot tied the game. The Tigers went on to win in 13 innings; the Blue Jays didn’t win again that season.  Toronto ended the 1987 season at 96-66, which allowed the Tigers to snatch the AL East with a sweep of the Blue Jays on the final weekend of the season.

9) 1951 Brooklyn Dodgers

It’s hard to paint a team that posted a 26-22 record down stretch with the “collapse” brush, but it’s also hard to say a team that gagged away a 13.5 game lead and lost a playoff didn’t fold.  Trouble is, the New York Giants got crazy hot; they won 37 out of their final 44 games and tied Brooklyn on the final day of the season. The Dodgers lost the three-game playoff, thanks to Bobby Thomson’s “Shot Heard Round The World.”

8 ) 2011 Atlanta Braves

This was like the “stealth” collapse; nobody really seemed to understand this was a choke job until the Braves were only leading the Cardinals by three games with five to play.  St. Louis trailed the Braves by 10.5 games in late August, and the lead only shrank to 8.5 games by the first week in September, which is largely why this went unnoticed until the last weekend of the season. The Braves forgot how to hit, posted a record of 9-18 in September, and lost the wild-card on the last day of the season.

7) 2011 Boston Red Sox

The power of the present makes people want to think this tank-job rates higher on the list, especially those wacky Red Sox fans who want to believe they didn’t beat their wives and/or blow their brains out over #7 on the list.  Granted, this is the worst collapse that happened entirely in September, but it genesis lies throughout the season. The Sox stumbled out of the gate, but recovered to lead the AL East for most of the second half. But they fell behind the Yankees early in September, and the free-fall continued. In short, what killed this team in April simply resurfaced in September.

The Sox figured they could always win the wild-card, as they led the Rays by nine games on Labor Day.  However, since the Red Sox only won seven games the rest of the way, Tampa Bay ran them down on the second-to-last day of the season, which led to the dramatic Wednesday night finish, which saw the Sox blow a 3-2 lead with two outs in the ninth against last-place Baltimore, while at the same time the Rays rallied from a 7-0 early pasting to beat the Yankees 8-7 in extra innings to claim the AL Wild Card.

6) 2007 New York Mets

In 2007, the Phillies had not yet emerged as the current uber-squad they are perceived to be today. In fact, they trailed the Mets by seven games on September 12th, but since the Shea crew had Pedro Martinez back on the mound after surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff,  the Mets were the favorite in what was considered to be a weak National League field. That was before the Flushing Nine went down the stretch to finish the season one game behind the surging Phillies.

5) 1969 Chicago Cubs

The Amazin’ Mets of 1969 would have never been if it weren’t for this Chicago fold. 1969 was the first season in which there was divisional play, and for the entirety of the season, the Cubs had led the newly-formed NL East.

However, this was before the Cubs swallowed their own tongue. Chicago held a solid 9.5-game lead on August 14th, but within two weeks, the Mets had closed the gap to two games. The Cubs collapse continued as they dropped 14 of their final 20 games, and New York won the division by eight full games.

4) 2009 Detroit Tigers

From May 10th until the final day of the 2009 season – a total of 164 days – the Detroit Tigers enjoyed the driver’s seat in the AL Central.  The problem was they let the Minnesota Twins hang around, so much so the Twins were able to sweep the last three games of the season against the Tigers to force a one-game playoff. The Twins won 6-5 in a classic 12-inning affair, leaving the Tigers as the only team to blow a three-game lead with four to play.

3) 1978 Boston Red Sox

Three words: Bucky F–king Dent. Yes, this is the scenario which forever immortalized in the loathe-zone of Red Sox faithful from Falmouth to Fort Lauderdale a man whose name sounds more like a tooth-care product for beavers.

July 1978 saw the Sox with a 14-game lead over the defending world champion Yankees. But, the Bronx Bombers chipped away at that deficit until it was down to a still-formidable 7.5-game lead with only 32 games to play. However, the Red Sox gagged 14 of 17 games which allowed the Yanks to pull into the left lane and pass Boston.

However, the Sox won their final eight which forced a one-game playoff at Fenway Park.  That’s the last day Bucky Dent’s name was ever uttered in Sox Nation without the extra frigative, as the Yankees’ light-hitting shortstop hit a 7th-inning game winning homer (his 5th of the season) to send the Yankees eventually to their second consecutive World Series title.

2) 1995 California Angels

Just like the ’78 Red Sox, the Angels blew a huge lead, only to make a late rally, only to choke in a one-game playoff. California held a lead of 11.5 games in Mid-August, but went 12-27 in their final 39 games (including winning their last five games) which allowed the Seattle Mariners to force a one-game playoff. However, in that game, Seattle ace Randy Johnson mowed the Angels like they were his back yard to the tune of a 9-1 shellacking.

1) 1964 Philadelphia Phillies

It’s hard for many baseball fans born after 1985 to understand that for nearly a century, the Phillies were even more of a hard-luck franchise than the Cubs. The Phillies were the last original National League team win a pennant when they finally did so after nearly 70 years of existence in 1950. They went 30 more years before they became the last original member of the senior circuit to win a World Series in 1980. That’s why 1964 is such a big deal.

Nobody had a greater streak of futility than the Phillies. From 1919 to 1947, the Phillies finished in last  place a total of 17 times, and next to last seven times. This is why the Phils were the first major league franchise to post 10,000 losses. They spent the 1950′s oscillating between decent and deplorable, but they seemed to turn the corner in the early 1960′s.  1962 and 1963 found the Phillies climbing back to respectability, and throughout the 1964 season, they seemed destined to make it to the World Series. Philadelphia boasted a stocked line-up, featuring stars like rookie third baseman Dick Allen, outfielders Johnny Callison and Cookie Rojas, catcher Gus Triandos, and pitchers Jim Bunning and Chris Short.

1964 seemed to be the Phillies year for the taking. The first indicator that the Phils were the team of destiny came on Father’s Day, when future U.S. Senator and Hall-of-Famer Jim Bunning pitched a perfect game. This was the first National League perfecto since 1880, and even the Shea Stadium faithful found themselves cheering for the visiting hurler given the rarity of the event.

T.S. Eliot said April is the cruelest month; had he been a Phillies fan, he would have saved that designation for September 1964.  The Phils held a 6.5 game lead over the Cardinals and Reds with 12 games to go that month. Then, thanks to the “managerial genius” of Gene Mauch, Philadelphia lost 10 games in a row and ended up one game behind St. Louis in a tie for second place with Cincinnati.

Other collapses worthy of consideration:

  • 1962 Los Angeles Dodgers: Blew a 4 game lead with 7 left to play
  • 1938 Pittsburgh Pirates: Lost a September 1st lead of 7 games
  • 1993 San Francisco Giants: Dropped a Mid-August lead of 9 games
  • 1983 Atlanta Braves: Gagged away a 6.5 game lead in under 30 games
  • 1942 Brooklyn Dodgers: Blew a 7.5 game in under 25 games
  • 2005 Cleveland Indians: Dropped 6 of their final 7 after taking lead in Wild Card race
Apologies for the history lesson, but it really is the only way to show Red Sox fans that what happened this September and culminated Wednesday isn’t the worst collapse ever…it is just the Red Sox latest entry in the Futility Sweepstakes.




Great Moments in the History of Dumb Baseball Injuries

16 09 2011

A few days ago, San Francisco Giants reliever Jeremy Affeldt had his season end after he sustained a deep cut in his right hand while using a knife to separate frozen hamburger patties. The injury required surgery to repair nerve damage in the little finger of his non-throwing hand. While I’m not intending to poke fun at the suffering of others, it does put me in mind of some of the dumbest ways major-leaguers have  incapacitated themselves. Here is a selection of my personal favorites.

10) Tarps are not Cardinal-friendly

Coleman was doing his usual pre-game warm-up routine before  Game 4 of the 1985 NLCS when he did not notice the automatic tarp had been deployed. As he didn’t see the giant roll of tarp rolling toward him, it rolled over him, breaking a bone in his leg and rendering him unavailable for the rest of the playoffs.

9) If only he had been named Parker Brothers…

It’s no secret Bradley has been the walking definition of anger-management issues, which is the major reason he also defines clubhouse cancer. As such, he has absolutely no ability to control his temper. Once, while in full tantrum while a s a member of the Padres, he was so out of control he blew out his ACL while being restrained by his own manager.  Perhaps if his parents hadn’t named him after a maker of board games…

8 ) Maybe pitchers shouldn’t be allowed near sharp objects

If Jeremy Affeldt’s aforementioned kitchen escapades weren’t enough, consider the Padres’ Adam Eaton, who nearly committed hara-kiri with a paring knife while trying to cut the plastic wrapper off a DVD case.

7) Maybe pitchers shouldn’t be allowed near sharp objects, Part II

In the early 90′s the Phillies had a trio of tubby moundsmen; David West, Bobby Munoz, and Jeff Juden. However, Juden is the most memorable for purposes of this list for the time he was sidelined due to an infected tattoo.

6) Maybe pitchers simply need keepers

Tigers’ fireballer Joel Zumaya is no stranger to the disabled list, but the one that earns him a place on this list also is likely to happen again.  Zumaya managed to exit himself from the 2006 playoffs by playing Guitar Hero. Guys, we can’t stress this enough, video games are dangerous. Forget about those first-person shooters, Guitar Hero can take your ass out by giving your tendinitis in your forearm when you become obsessed with how many Metallica songs you can play on “expert. ” Just ask Zumaya. Besides, how long will it be before we hear about a guy taking himself out with Wii Bowling?

5) Maybe pitchers just shouldn’t be allowed to touch anything

While the details are sketchy as to exactly how it happened, Florida Marlins reliever Ricky Bones strained his back to the point of landing on the disabled list either by simple watching television in the clubhouse or by changing the channel. Those remotes can be heavy.

4) Lift and Separate

To a baseball player,  the protective cup is a potentially life-saving piece of equipment. Taking a shot to the nether regions is a universally grimacing moment amongst the males of the species; one that it made all the worse when that which is supposed to protect becomes the punisher.

Of all the balls Ken Griffey, Jr. hit in his career, none had the impact of his own when they were pinched by his cup during a game.  The resultant swelling left him unable to play.   It hurts just thinking about it.

3) Nightmare on Skydome Street

Toronto Blue Jays outfielder Glenallen Hill had a crushing fear of spiders. While Little Miss Muffet would just sit on her tuffet, Hill would have nightmares so bad that one night he lept straight out of bed, bounced off a wall, had a rough-an-tumble adventure with a flight of stairs, and ended up with an injured leg, various cuts, scrapes, and rugburns.

2) Employees Must Wash Hands

If you are cooking, be it for yourself or for others, the importance of hand-washing can’t be understated. It’s not just the transfer of disease one needs to worry about, it is that you can get things on your hands which may cause serious problems when they come in contact with sensitive body parts.

Enter Florida Marlins outfielder Bret Barberie. It seems he was making nachos and forgot to wash his hands after cutting some chili peppers. He failed to wash his hands, then went to insert his contact lenses. The effect of directly placing the pepper oil on the surface of his eye was like a mace-job on steroids.  He burned his eye, ripped his contact lens, and earned baseball immortality.

1) Cordova Over Easy

The Marty Cordova monument in St. Paul

Here’s another cooking-related injury, but rather than the food being fried, it is the player who wound up as griddle grist.

While one might think baseball players would get enough sun during the season, Marty Cordova did not agree.  So he oiled himself up and crawled into a tanning bed.  He then fell asleep and so badly burnt his face he was under doctor’s orders to avoid all direct sunlight.





The 15 Worst Sports Owners Not Named McCourt or Wilpon

15 08 2011

Editor’s Note: This article is a collaborative effort between Dubsism and Ryan Meehan from First Order Historians. Ryan also has his own blog, East End Philadelphia, which is featured in our BlogRoll and it is well worth the read.

Lately, all the attention for bad ownership has been focused on that shithead who owns the Los Angeles Dodgers and the horse-thief who owns the New York Mets. But the fires created by these two douche-nozzles are sucking the oxygen out of a room full of bad owners; these are guys who really should not be slipping under anybody’s radar.

There’s really three main types of owners who are bad for sports. There’s the “only in it for the money” guy, there’s the “I’m the owner so I know everything about this sport” guy, and there’s the “Incompetent and/or Insane” guy. Peruse the following list and remember, some owners may represent more than one type.

15) Jeremy Jacobs, Boston Bruins

This pick may be hard to understand considering the Bruins just won the Stanley Cup, and a great deal of you don’t give a rat’s ass about hockey. However, that recent victory still doesn’t hide the fact that for most of his nearly 40 years of ownership, the Bruins have had one of the lowest payrolls in the league despite the fact Boston is a Top 10 market. This would be like buying the best strip club in town and filling it with chicks who look like Tim Tebow.

It also helps to remember that before 2009, the Bruins went for a decade without winning a playoff series, largely because even when Jacobs had stars like Ray Bourque or Cam Neely, he never put enough of a supporting cast around them to make the team a winner.  In other words, Jacobs is the first on this list of what will prove to be a long line of cheapskate assholes.

14) Jerry Jones, Dallas Cowboys

Jerry Fucking Jones…where do we start?  The Dallas Cowboys are one of the most storied franchises in the NFL, and we’ve all had  that “America’s Team” bullshit rammed so far down our throats that little brown drops of it land in our shorts every time we sneeze.

We are convinced that at least half of all currently worshipped deities hate the Cowboys because the Gods keep fucking with them. You know they were sitting around in some big “God” club drinking whatever “God” type dudes drink laughing their collective “God” asses off when Tony Romo fumble-dicked that extra point hold against the Seahawks a few years back. The best part was that was a year where the NFC was weaker than no-alcohol beer as hell and the Cowboys were flying down the E-Z Pass lane toward the Super Bowl until Romo slammed the bus into the toll booth.

Even though they have tons of moments like that in their history, nobody ever seems to remember the Cowboys haven’t won shit in 15 years. That’s pretty much Jerry’s fault. Nobody ever seems to remember Jones has a long track record of making some of the stupidest decisions (Dave Campo, Chan Gailey, and Wade Phillips for openers…) because he IS the front office. Nobody ever seems to remember Jones is a megalomaniac who has a thirst for power rivaled only by Kim Kardashian’s thirst for B-grade jock spooge.

That amnesia on Jerry Jones completely escapes me since sports fans hate him more than groin kicks and flat beer combined. He’s the perfect guy for blue-collar America to hate because blue-collar America loves to blame all its problems on big money businessman, especially if they are obnoxious Texans who own sports teams.  Its like he’s a drunker, louder version of George W. Bush.

Bush gets blamed for everything from male pattern baldness to the terribly high lesbian ratio in the LPGA, yet Jones gets a free pass for screwing up the Super Bowl by selling tickets to seats that were not usable.  Plus, it’s a nuclear-powered level of hilarious that he worked his spotted, flabby ass off to get the Super Bowl in his very own building only to watch his team leave their season floating in the locker room shitter.  Hey, if they’re America’s Team, and America loves to hate, l then we’re just being patriotic.

13) Charles Wang, New York Islanders

It’s time to play a little game-show we like to call “Stereotype.”  You would think that an Asian guy who got rich building his own computer company would be good at math, right? Sorry, but if you were to assume that about Wang, you would be hearing a loud buzzer right about now and finding out about our lovely consolation prizes.

It takes a special kind of idiot to buy a sports franchise in an era of explosive growth and actually find a way to lower the value of the franchise, and Wang is that special kind of idiot.  Wang bought the Islanders in 2000, and since has found a way to wang himself out of millions through some seriously stupid decisions.

First, the fact he employed Mike Milbury speaks for itself. His nickname “Mad Mike” doesn’t really lend creedence to what a terrible general manager he was; were he in the NFL, he would have made Matt Millen look like a fucking genius. Hockey fans remember monstrous Milbury moves like inking an underachieving Alexei Yashin to a 10-year, $87.5 million deal, trading away star goaltender Roberto Luongo for a case of urinal cakes, and taking Rick DiPietro with the first pick in the 2000 NHL entry draft ahead of future stars Dany Heatley and Marian Gaborik.  To top it all off, it was Milbury’s idea to sign DiPietro to a franchise-risking 15-year, $67.5 million contract extension which at the time it was signed was the biggest sports contract in history.

Sadder still is the fact the atrocities committed by Milbury with Wang’s blessing aren’t even the worst.  My favorite Wang jerk-off move happens to be when he hired Neil Smith as general manager in 2006, only to fire him 40 days later and replace him with the backup goalie.

Things have gone so bad there is talk of this franchise leaving New York for Kansas Fucking City. Seriously, what could Kansas City offer over New York? More corn? Fatter chicks? A night life as exciting as spending an evening with your face buried in George Brett’s ass crack?

Not to mention, the NHL already failed in Kansas City. To find the old “Kansas City Scouts,” you have to look under “New Jersey Devils.”

12) Peter Angelos, Baltimore Orioles

Peter Angelos is Greek, and according to the Urban Dictionary, “greek” is a euphemism for anal sex. This is fitting, because nobody has butt-fucked Baltimore baseball more than Angelos has.

Before Angelos, the O’s were one of the most storied franchises in baseball; they had been to the World Series six times in the 25 years prior to Angelos. The O’s won three World Series Championships in that time.  Now in the nearly two decades of Angelos’ ownership, the Orioles have made only two post-season appearances.

The contract that exemplifies Angelos’ extreme dumb-assery was the deal he inked with Albert Belle. This gargantuan bank-buster made Belle the highest paid player in baseball. Despite the fact Belle’s career would be in the shitter two years later, due to the terms of the contract he had to remain on the Orioles’ roster for the final three years of the deal.

But the biggest “peter” Angelos has wedged into the collective anus of Balitmorians everywhere is the fact there are a ton of Hall-of-Famers who have no role within the Orioles’ organization simply because Angelos’ values his pride more than his franchise.

First off, I stand by the story. Every single word.

Orioles’ owner Peter Angelos and Hall of Famer Cal Ripken, Jr. have taken turns denying parts of my report from last Friday, the gist of which was that Angelos recently declined to hire Ripken to help his wonderful team.Both declined opportunities to comment before I went with the story, and that’s fine.

Both dispute that Angelos told Ripken he didn’t want Ripken to receive credit once the team returned to prominence — a detail confirmed by three sources — and that’s fine, too. But now that both are in such talking moods, I have a few more questions, mostly for Angelos.

  • Why isn’t Ripken already working for the Orioles?
  • Why isn’t Brooks Robinson involved with the team?
  • Why isn’t Frank Robinson?
  • Why is a franchise with such a glorious history not taking better advantage of someof the greatest natural resources the game has to offer?

Funny, I don’t think it’s because the Orioles have all the answers.

A number of former Orioles — including Hall of Famers Jim Palmer and Eddie Murray —serve the club as paid broadcasters, but the O’s need to draw from their tradition inways that go beyond Boog Powell cooking ribs on Eutaw Street. It’s damning — and a direct reflection on Angelos’ tone-deaf ownership — that Hall ofFamers Ripken, Brooks Robinson and Frank Robinson are nowhere to be found at Camden Yards.

What else can you say? Angelos is that kind of guy as described by Gunnery Sergeant Hartman in Full Metal Jacket – “He’s the kind of person who would fuck somebody in the ass and not even have the common courtesy to give them a reach-around.”

11) Joe Lacob and Peter Guber, Golden State Warriors

Granted, The Warriors have been a doormat of the NBA for two generations now, and granted, they just bought the team from Chris Cohan, a douchebag worthy of this list in his own right because under Cohan, they missed the playoffs every year from 1994 to 2007. That’s the longest drought in NBA history. The single shining moment of non-suckititude came in 2007 when they upset the #1 playoff seed Dallas Mavericks.

Lacob and Guber get on this list for being David Stern’s poster-children in his attempt to cut the balls off the NBA player’s union. Something stinks about the way these two fuckwads got into the ownership ranks. The “sale” was rigged; it included $150 million in league loans to get it done and the league forced multiple small percentage owners to raise the cash for the “sale” after the supposed bid was completed in July 2010. The whole reason these two exist are to be more of Stern’s stormtroopers against the union.

10) William Clay Ford, Detroit Lions

You’ll notice a theme developing here; one of a franchise having success until it was purchased by a hemmorhoid with a big wallet. Picture a time when the Lions weren’t a dingleberry on the anus of the NFL. You’ll have to set the Wayback Machine for the 1950′s, when Lions arguably were the most successful team in the league. They appeared in four NFL Championship Games, winning three.

Then, in 1964 William Clay Ford purchased the Lions and they have not been in a championship game since. In the 47 years Ford has owned the Lions, they have a single playoff win. Even the Bengals and Cardinals have more than that. That’s fucking pathetic.

Right now, the Lions fins themselves digging out of a hole dug by the steam-shovel of suck known as Matt Millen. Lets’ make one thing clear; we don’t have an issue with Millen as a broadcaster.  He was simply the prototypical shitty general manager.  He took a franchise that was already in the shitter and kept inventing ways to keep shitting on it. By the time he was done, the Lions’ franchise was like the Matterhorn of shit.

Watching Millen manage was like watching a retard masturbate. His eight-year jack-off-to-nowhere spree as head of the franchise led to the worst record in the history of the modern NFL (31-97 / .319), yet it took Ford until a month into the 2008 season to fire his ass.  Billboards were actually being erected in Detroit, some which simply said “Fire Millen.” Others had a picture of what the Lions’ Super Bowl ring would have looked like, captioned with  ”Not this MILLENium.” Not like it mattered, English has been spoken only as third language in Detroit ever since they burned the city to the ground in the 60s.

Plus, the only time people read billboards is when they are on their way to work. Since nobody in Detroit has a goddamn job (because Ford also sucks at running a car company) the only people that noticed were the national media.

9) Daniel Snyder, Washington Redskins

It’s no fucking wonder that a guy who is the chairman of the board and majority owner of a chain of amusement parks would make watching the Redskins a roller-coaster of nausea. Snyder purchased the Redskins in 1999, and since then its been far more down than up on the Redskin roller-coaster.

In fact, there’s been no up; 1999 was the best season the Redskins had since their last Super Bowl win in 1991.  It’s no accident 1999 also happens to be the best season they have had during Snyder’s tenure. Snyder loves to spend like the proverbial drunken sailor, but he also gets drunken results.  He’s replaced a Pro Bowl quarterback (Brad Johnson) with an aging head case (Jeff George).  He pumped a Potomac River of money into a washed-up Bruce Smith and a way past primetime Deion Sanders.  He thought Richie Pettibone, Norv Turner, Jim Zorn, and Steve “ol’ Ball Coach” Spurrier were NFL head coaches.

If you have any question as to how football-clueless Snyder is, just  look at the last eighteen months.  In that period, he signed Donovan McNabb (only to trade him to the Vikings for a ham sandwich, a move made much more hilarious by the fact Snyder is Jewish), made virtually no improvement in quite possibly the most active offseason free agency period in the history of the NFL.  Of course, there is no need to improve on a team that in a single game elevated Michael Vick’s status in white America from “degenerate dog killer” to “allowed to doggie-fuck my daughter.”

Now Washington should actually be a good team, not one that needs a minor miracle to beat a shitheap franchise like Detroit. The franchise has a prime location (there’s a lot of money in DC), they have a huge, new stadium, and they have a ton of history. Not even the liberal cry-babys who bitch about everything don’t give a fuck about this team, otherwise you’d be hearing their bitching about that “racist” nickname somewhere other than Rachel Maddow’s penis.

The really messed-up part is that Snyder has done incredibly well with the Redskins from a business standpoint; the Redskins are the second-most valuable franchise in the league. Of course that success doesn’t keep him off this list as he has stooped to such extreme ass-hattery like suing his very own season ticket holders to ensure that the Redskins remain profitable.

8 ) Al Davis, Oakland Raiders

For those of you under 30, you may not believe there was a time when Al Davis wasn’t a batshit crazy Cryptkeeper look-alike and the Raiders were not the laughing stock of the NFL.  In an 18-year span during the 70′s and 80′s, the Raiders won 13 division championships, made 15 playoff appearances, and took home three Lombardi trophies. This is the era when the Raiders were the winningest team in all of professional sports, and love him or hate him, Davis was a respected and visionary leader who helped build the AFL into a league so successful the NFL couldn’t beat it so they joined with it.

But somewhere along the line; somewhere right around 1992, it all went wrong. Horribly, horribly wrong.

Since 1992, the Raiders have had just five winning seasons. Their 2002 Super Bowl crushing at the hands of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers led to a stretch of seven straight season in which the Raiders never won more than 5 games, and they have yet to have a winning season since then.

How can this happen? Simple. Davis is destroying that which he built. You could call it “suicide by head coach and draft pick.”

Rather than list the rash of terrible draft picks the Raiders have made in the last decade, let’s focus on the most telling.

“JaMarcus Russell is a good quarterback” – Al Davis

Davis drafted JaMarcus Russell in 2007, and he got glowing reviews from a lot sports “experts” at the time, despite the fact there were some warning signs he would become “fat and lazy.”

JaMarcus Russell, moments before the fire department had to use the "jaws of life" to get Mylie Cyrus out of his throat.

Other NFL scouts literally shattered bones in their haste to jump off the Russell bandwagon once they heard him talk about how much he was going to “relax and eat” after the draft.

Not Al.

Other teams thought it was sheer insanity to pay roughly the gross domestic product of Australia to a completely unproven rookie.

Not Al.

Most other owners would have seen their big-money rookie fatting up like a Christmas goose, especially since that rookie holdout made him miss all of training camp and several weeks of the regular season.

Not Al.

Most other owners would realize that when his big-money rookie has cheeseburgered his way into being JaMarcus the Hutt, that’s nobody but the big-money rookie’s fault.

Not Al.

Most other owners would realize when the head coach says the big-money rookie sucks, he probably sucks.

Not Al.

When Lane Kiffin dared tell Al that JaMarcus Russell was as much an NFL quarterback as Jayne Russell, Al told Kiffin that Russell didn’t suck…he did.

“He is a great player. Get over it and coach this team on the field. That is what you were hired to do. We can win with this team.”

Then he did Kiffin the best favor he possibly could by firing him.

The beauty was that off-season proved to be a delicious one, Russell showed up at camp so fat he exerted his own gravitational pull. He was putting Shake N’ Bake in his Gatorade. When he wasn’t gasping for air or sweating bacon grease, he was showing his “commitment to excellence” by snoozing through team meetings, or just skipping them to go on a bling-gasm in Las Vegas.

Finally, even Al had to see his big-money rookie was just big.  Four sets of  ”back-titties” big.  Before being released, rumors were that Russell was well over 300 pounds, far above the 255 he weighed in his prime just 3 years prior. It takes a lot of prime rib to get that far away from your prime in only 3 fucking years.

But the Kiffin thing takes us back to Al’s relationships with his head coaches in the past 20 years.

Al hired Bill Callahan, a head coach who inspired so much trust in his players they accused him of ” sabotaging the season.” To regain their trust, Callahan said the Raiders were “the dumbest team in America in terms of playing the game.” We must admit we really don’t understand that motivational technique, but it worked since Callahan was the last coach to post a winning record in Oakland and the last to lead the Raiders to the Super Bowl.

Then it starts to get scary. Let’s look at the lowlights…Al hired Norv Turner as coach; the Raiders went a combined 9-23 in his two seasons. Al hired Art Shell twice, the first time went OK;  the second brought a franchise-worst 2-14 record.

Then, Al hired Lane Kiffin, threatened to fire him on a weekly basis, and when he finally did, it was a great moment in “Crotchety Old Man” history; Al held a press conference during which he put his “Kiffin Bitch List” on an overhead projector! You read that right, it was the dawn of the 21st century, and in the shadow of Silicon Valley,  and Al is using the same technology as your Dad’s 5th-grade teacher.

Then, Al  hired Tom Cable, a man who most famously broke the jaw of his assistant coach with a sucker punch, then threatened to kill him.

The thing all of us can see that Al can’t is the Raiders have massive trust issues. Al doesn’t trust his coaches to make good draft selections, Al’s players don’t trust his coaches, the fans don’t trust Al’s “commitment to excellence” enough to purchase season tickets, and even those of us who don’t give a fuck about the Raiders don’t trust their franchise not to suck.

What this all comes down to is Al Davis is old and he’s lost it.  Nobody like hearing that because it reminds us all our time is coming; it’s disturbing to know someday we will all no longer be able to control when we do and do not shit ourselves.  Most people who are lucky enough to live that long don’t run their own professional sports team.  Even though Al Davis is now the kind of boss that walks into your office and gives you the choice of lancing a boil on his back or letting him drop his band-aid into your coffee (and you MUST drink it), he’s still just an old man who needs to retire so we don’t have to keep watching him shit his pants.

7) Tom Ricketts, Chicago Cubs

Tom Ricketts is the CEO of of Incapital LLC, a Chicago, an investment bank that packages corporate bonds for retail investors.  He’s also the son of the guy who founded Ameritrade, so if you the typical blue-collar American who gets off on o hating people who are born into money, this is a good place to start.

The Cubs suffer from a lack of real direction, and this is partially Ricketts’ fault.  He took over the Cubs in the beginning of 2009, inheriting the Alfonso Soriano contract, which might be considered a good deal if the entire planet’s economy ran off of how much money we could all light on fire all at once.  Since then, the Cubs have grown one of the highest payrolls in baseball, and have one of the worst records.  They’re in a market that is extremely critical of all of their sports teams, and radio is brutal even when your winning.  Just ask the last season’s Chicago Bears.

Since Meehan is a regular guest on a Chicago Cubs internet radio (insert shameless plug for ivyenvy.com here) you might expect him to have more of an opinion on Ricketts. But the truth is, unless the Cubs go on a five game winning streak, the guy’s a fucking ghost.  (Editor’s note:  The Cubs didn’t win five in a row this season until last week.)  To be quite honest with you, if Meehan’s producer hadn’t attended a press conference with Ricketts a few weeks back http://ivyenvy.com/?p=6034, he might fall into that same level of “does he exist” along with Sasquatch and Oprah Winfrey’s heterosexuality.

Let’s just put it this way, Ricketts and his family believed in 2009 the Cubs were worth 900 million dollars with a relic of a stadium that’s falling apart and countless personnel and financial issues, and he hasn’t done much to change it.

6) Mike Brown, Cincinnati Bengals

Sometimes taking over the family business isn’t as easy as it looks. But when you get handed the keys to an organization built by a legend and you fuck it up beyond belief…that’s how you end up one of the most hated owners in sports.

Welcome to the world of Mike Brown. When the legendary Paul Brown passed away in 1991, Mike Brown assumed control of the Bengals. Since then, the Bengals’ record is a cesspool-worthy 124-211-1, with a single playoff appearance.

If the cavalcade of losing wasn’t enough to make fans want to piss in his hollowed-out skull, Brown continues to give the Bengal faithful all the reason they would need to want to drag his lifeless corpse around Paul Brown Stadium.

For some reason ESPN has continued to report on the Cincinnati Bengals situation.  For the longest time, it was a complete fucking mystery why the World Wide Leader gives a tire-squished shit about the Queen City Kitties. But we finally figured it out.

ESPN is betting on curiosity…curiosity as to what will finally kill the Cats’ owner.

Will it be his ability to pinch a penny so hard he can make Abe Lincoln fart? Brown is notorious as cheapskate asshole. The Bungles have the most understaffed scouting departments in the league and he simply does not spend money on free-agents.

Perhaps, it will be his colossal stubborn streak. If there’s anything we’ve learned in the past, it’s that Mike Brown is one of the most stubborn owners in professional sports, and that also makes him exceptionally stupid. He steadfastly refuses to hire a general manager, which may explain this team’s terrible record.

He refused to grant Carson Palmer a trade, thus forcing Palmer to call Brown’s bluff and retire, thus forcing Brown to eat his value and not reap any of the benefits of such a trade.  Granted, Palmer is also a total dick; he made it no secret that he thought Ohio sports fans were weak and simple since Day One.  But when you consider all of the bullshit he had to put up with during his tenure with the Bengals, one can clearly see Brown is a dick of a higher order.

Not to mention Brown was the one who kept letting Chad Johnson act like a jackass, all the while believing that Chris Henry was going to turn his life around only to see him die by falling out of the back of a truck.

These issues are just the tip of the Brown-hating iceberg. Anyway you slice it, Bengals’ fans strive to ensure Brown knows they hate him, ranging from boycotts to erecting billboards to an anti-Brown website, fans in the Queen City have been nothing short of creative in their efforts.

What it comes down to is that Brown isn’t really a big dick; he’s actually a tiny, little dick who can’t get out from under the shadow of Daddy. Brown has been for years trying to prove to the sports media and the fans that on his watch the Bengals won’t take any shit from anybody and that you’d better do what he tells you if you know what’s good for you.

Typical pathetic little raisin-sac bullshit.

But in the end, it’s obvious nobody thinks Brown matters so nobody pays any attention to his false pride largely because nobody gave a fuck to begin with. After all, if you know you can’t finish higher than 3rd in your division for the next decade, then what the fuck difference does your pride make?

5) David Glass, Kansas City Royals

Glass may have been a great business executive, but he’s a shitty owner. In ten seasons as owner of the Royals, his team has finished and in that time – they have finished with a record above .500 just once, have lost 100 games or more four times, and have averaged nearly 95 losses for every season of the Glass regime.

Prior to his purchase of the Royals, Glass was the CEO of Wal-Mart. This is where he earned the reputation as one of the nation’s premier executives. In business, the Glass model was rather successful; reasonable products at dirt-cheap prices. That’s the same approach Glass has used with the Royals, and while the team’s revenue has increased every year, on the field performance and the player salaries have not.

This makes Glass the perfect representative of the parasitic effect silly things like “luxury taxes” in baseball have. They actually make it possible to be profitable and terrible at the same time, which is a cancer on the world of sport, not just baseball.

4) Jeffrey Loria, Florida Marlins

Very few people have shown the ability to drive a franchise over the brink, and this turdpipe has done it twice. Of course, what should we expect from a guy who made his money as an “art dealer?” I bet it isn’t even “real” art, I bet it is that “Elvis on black velvet” crap you see being sold at abandoned gas stations hanging on a chain-link fence.

There’s no coincidence in the fact that he owned two teams long rumored to be on the contraction block. His refusal to put any money in the Montreal Expos guaranteed their sale to MLB so they could be reborn as the Nationals and so he could buy the Marlins. His dismal leadership immediately placed the Marlins in a “build a new stadium or face the consequences” dilemma; and Miami knuckled under…the new ball park opens next season.

3) Bill Bidwill, Arizona Cardinals

The Bidwill family has owned the Cardinals for close to 50 years.  In that time, have one exactly four playoff games. Three of those came a few years back when the Cards made that miracle run to the Super Bowl.  Just the fact he is holding an NFC Championship trophy is proof a blind squirrel can occasional find a nut.

A common comparison is that the Cardinals are the Clippers of the NFL; it would be more accurate to say the Clippers who are the Cardinals of the NBA. The Cards have been the model were the model of dysfunctionality  in the sports when the Clippers franchise were still the Buffalo Braves. The comparison stems largely from the fact these are both franchises that have had to move twice because of horrid ownership decisions.

2) James Dolan, New York Knicks and New York Rangers

James Dolan’s reign as the owner of the New York Knicks and Rangers has been an exercise in following the Steinbrenner model with the Yankees of the 80s; money does not cure bad decisions.  Since 1999 when Dolan took control of both franchises, fans of both teams would be well within their rights to join the paper bag squad.

Dolan has pumped a river of money into the Rangers; they have the highest average salary  in the NHL, yet they have only made the playoffs four times and have not once been past the semifinals.  There’s a school of thought which believes the blame should fall on general manager Glen Sather, but the people who think that rode to that school on the short bus.

First of all, Dolan refuses to fire Sather despite his blatant incompetence. Second of all, Sather doesn’t control the Knicks, who have exactly the same problems, which makes Dolan the common thread.  Dolan has overseen the Knicks through nearly a decade full of seasons of fewer than 40 wins, to go along with just two playoff appearance, despite having one of the top payrolls in the NBA.

Then’s there whole Isiah Thomas fiasco. Insert your own rant on that mess here.

1) Donald Sterling, Los Angeles Clippers

Sterling is possibly the best example of a guy being both a genius businessman and a complete shit-stain in the Fruit of the Looms of the sports world.  There’s so many ways to look at the sporting idiocy that is Donald Sterling. There’s the numbers:

  • 31 – Number of seasons he has owned the Clippers
  • 2 – Number of seasons they have finished with a winning record
  • .341 – Team winning percentage in those seasons
The problem is that the Clippers and Sterling are like a really bad marriage of really bad people; they deserve each other. As mentioned earlier, this franchise began its trail of tears in 1970 as the Buffalo Braves. By 1981, the team had already failed in Buffalo and moved to San Diego where they were also failing. This is where Sterling comes along and buys the team for a pittance.
The Clippers spend the next two seasons in San Diego struggling to draw 4,500 fans.  In 1984, Sterling makes the one good decision he ever made with the Clippers; naturally, it was a business decision. He moves the team to Los Angeles, which is the sole move that allowed the value of the Clippers to rise from$12.5 million back in the summer of 1981 to an estimated $350 million today.

That is Donald Sterling’s sports resume in  nutshell; great for the bankbook, lousy for on-the-court performance. The team has been a  joke for over three decades, but Sterling keeps laughing all the way to the bank.   Sterling has faithfully followed the model of keeping the payroll at “paying in recyclable cans” levels of cheap to maximize profit while never once giving a damn about the won-loss column. The Clippers have finished in the Draft Lottery so many times they’ve seen more balls than an Ava Devine gang-bang.

What do porn stars and the Clippers have in common? They both dribble before they shoot.

I know it won’t come as a shock to read that a miser like Sterling might also be just a bad human being. What kind of guy heckles his own players?  We can’t imagine this would be productive under any circumstance, but of all of the sports where this would be a bad idea, basketball would have to be the worst.  To top it off, of the all players not to piss off,  you might think Baron Davis would be in the top five.   For that matter, how sweet would it have been if Rasheed Wallace had ever played for the Clippers?  He would have killed Sterling.  Just picture ‘Sheed “keeping it real” by yanking Donnie Boy’s bow-tied ass out of his seat and dribbling his head off the scorer’s table for about five minutes.

I’m not sure there is a more telling commentary of Sterling complete level of tone-deafness than this:

It is actually fitting to use Blake Griffin in this ad. He is only half black, and this attempt by Sterling to reach out to the black community was completely half-assed, if for no other reason that Black History Month is in February.

But of all the stories, allegations, accusations and observations, this is my favorite:

“While ignoring my suggestions and isolating me from decisions customarily reserved for general managers, the Clippers attempted to place the blame for the team’s failures on me,” Baylor said in the declaration. “During this same period, players Sam Cassell, Elton Brand and Corey Maggette complained to me that DONALD STERLING would bring women into the locker room after games, while the players were showering, and make comments such as, ‘Look at those beautiful black bodies.’ I brought this to Sterling’s attention, but he continued to bring women into the locker room.”

There you have it, fifteen owners who haven’t been getting the attention they deserve. Like we’ve said, just because the world is fixated on the antics of the Frank McCourts and Fred Wilpons of the world, these guys still need to have the light shone on them; there’s no better disinfectant than sunlight.

Stay tuned to Dubsism and East End Philadelphia for more up to the minute advice on how to be undeniably awesome.

-J-Dub and Meehan








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