Tag Archives: Ask the Geico Guy

Ask The Geico Guy: Is it Hilarious That a Little League Group Is Raffling An Assault Rifle?

geico guy new

Absolutely.  It is  pants-shittingly funny for a whole host of reasons. , and on so many levels. Let’s just go through the story to see why.

An Illinois town’s little league program is raffling an AR-15 assault rifle to raise money.

Atwood Armory is raising money for the Atwood-Hammond Little League program to replace old equipment.

“We could have went with a basic shotgun or something simple,” league commissioner Steven McClain told WCIA-TV. “But obviously it’s not going to draw the attention, not going to draw the volume we’re hoping to make.”

bad news bears jerseys

How this story isn’t happening in Florida or Ohio is just a flat-out shock. Beyond that, the idea that a gun shop is helping to sponsor a little league team seems like something straight out of the Bad News Bears.  Secondly, you have to love the idea that real thought went into this. They knew they couldn’t raise money with a “basic shotgun,” so they upped the ante with a 5.56mm semi-automatic rifle. The story goes on to make it clear that previous raffles did not do so well.

The little league program only raised $10 last year in a raffle so owners of the gun shop decided to step in.

“If we were to sell that gun in store with all the accessories and ammo with it, it would be well over $2,000,” Atwood Armory co-owner Charidy Butcher told WCIA.

What the hell were they selling that they only came up with ten lousy bucks? The Girl Scouts get three and half bucks a pop for boxes of cookies. You could sell rocks and make more that a ten-spot. But it seems the AR-15 did the trick.

According to the gun shop’s Facebook page, the little league raffle has raised $1,600 so far.

Co-owner Bryan Butcher says they are not trying to send any type of message through the raffle.

“It was never a political agenda. It is what it is,” Butcher told WCIA.

Well, maybe not for you, but you know damn good and well that once this story gets out, the shrieky anti-gun crowd will have an absolute brain hemorrhage. How can they not? You’ve got guns, kids, and that Connecticut school shooting is still a bit too recent for them to not go completely apeshit over this. Once they do, you can bet they will go find a liberal judge to grant them some sort of injunction to stop the raffle, which would be a real shame, because the only losers will be the kids who little league team gets screwed over some idiotic political power play.

If you are interested, tickets for the raffle are $20 each and they can be purchased until June 28. Kee in mind, howver, that even if you win the raffle, you will still need to pass a background check before they will give you the rifle.

Ask The Geico Guy: Was Notre Dame Over-Rated?

geico guy new

Of course they were…for 12 out of 13 weeks. There was a brief moment in the 2012 college football season where the Golden Domers wore the legitimate shine of being ranked #1. To be fair, there being over-rated at all other times this season was a function of the fact that they played a schedule full of overrated teams, and that the Irish and the media ignored several warning signs about the true nature of their team.

If you do a week-by-week breakdown, this becomes a “moon rocket filled with nuclear waste fired into a supernova” glowing ball of obvious.

Continue reading →

Ask The Geico Guy: Does Jerry Kramer Belong in the Hall of Fame?

Does a former drill sergeant make a terrible therapist? Of course he does.

Even if the name Jerry Kramer isn’t familiar, you’ve seen him if you’ve ever watched NFL Films. Kramer is the man who threw arguably the most famous block in NFL history.  Kramer’s block on Dallas Cowboys defensive tackle Jethro Pugh in the 1967 NFL Championship cleared the way for Packer quarterback Bart Starr to score the touchdown which sent the Packers to Super Bowl II.

The game known as the “Ice Bowl” is an iconic piece of NFL history, and the setup to Kramer’s game-winning block is timeless. The Packers were trailing 17-14 with only 4:50 remaining. The Packers had the ball on their own 32-yard line, and the weather conditions were less than favorable for such a clutch drive; after, there’s a reason they called this game the “Ice Bowl.” This is the game that put the term “frozen tundra of Lambeau Field” into the NFL lexicon and gave us the moment where 13 was the magic number…the temperature was 13 degrees below zero, there were 13 seconds left on the clock, the ball was little more than 13 inches from the Cowboys goal line, and the Packers had no timeouts.

Quarterback Bart Starr called a play in the huddle that called for fullback Chuck Murcien to carry the ball behind a double-team block on Pugh thrown by Kramer and Packer center Ken Bowman. Starr kept the ball after the snap as he felt he could get better footing on the icy field. Kramer definitely had footing as he drove Pugh backward; Kramer was the first Packer in the end zone. Starr was the second, and that score led to the Packers second Super Bowl championship.

However, that wasn’t Kramer’s biggest performance in a championship game. That would come in the 1962 Championship Game, played against the New York Giants in Yankee Stadium. Many people thought the conditions that day were even worse than those of the “Ice Bowl.” Broadcaster Art Rust, Jr. called the weather that day “barbaric. ” Temperatures were in the single digits and the winds were gusting over 40 miles per hour. During the games conditions were so adverse one cameraman suffered frostbite while others resorted to lighting fires in the baseball dugouts to thaw out their cameras. Even Kramer himself was awed by the circumstances (From NFL.com):

Jerry Kramer surveyed the surreal scene as quickly as he could with the Giants waiting for the snap and the sounds of 64,892 fans in Yankee Stadium muffled by the howling winds gusting up to 40 mph.

Kramer, the team’s right guard, was in his first year taking over place-kicking duties and all he could think about were ghosts of Yankees legends like Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig.

“‘What are you doing in the middle of a baseball field against the New York Giants trying to kick a field goal?’” Kramer recalled. “It was great pressure for me.”

Even before the game, Kramer knew it was going to be an epic struggle, especially considering Packer head coach Vince Lombardi had been an offensive coach for the Giants.

“It was the coach’s backyard and his first time back in the big city in a playoff game. We knew how much it meant to him. There was considerable pressure and we understood it was going to be a substantial battle.”

The Packers won that hard fought battle 16-7; the difference being three field goals, all kicked by Jerry Kramer.  But like a lot of lineman, Kramer just didn’t get the love that day.

Kramer got voted for the team game ball, which he still has, while the writers picked linebacker Ray Nitschke as the MVP (he got a Corvette in “a classic example of what a lineman’s life is like,” Kramer quipped).

The lack of love, at least as far as the Pro Football Hall of Fame is concerned, continues for Kramer. This is why we here at Dubsism are taking up the cause to get Kramer the enshrinement in Canton he earned. Take the following from the website Jerry Kramer for Pro Football Hall of Fame

Jerry Kramer played right guard for the Green Bay Packers from 1958-1968. During these years the Packers dominated the NFL, winning 5 Championships (6162656667) in 7 seasons and the first two Super Bowls (III).

The heart of Green Bay’s offense was the Power Sweep. To Coach Lombardi it epitomized team work, requiring “all 11 men to play as one”. But the role of the guards was key and there was none better than Kramer, “the perfect prototype of a right guard”.

Three times a Pro Bowler (626367), five times an All-Pro, Jerry was named to the 1960′s All Decade Team, the Super Bowl Silver Anniversary Team, and, most notably, the NFL’s 50th Anniversary All-Star Team. Incomprehensibly, he is the only member of that team NOT in the Pro Football Hall of Fame. “I cannot believe he is not yet in the Hall of Fame,” wrote legendary sportswriter Jim Murray, “Neither can anyone he ever blocked for.” Packer teammate and Hall of Fame running back Paul Hornung concurs. “When you think of Hall of Fame guards, very few come to mind. However, when I think of great guards, I think of Jerry Kramer.”

Merlin Olsen may have said it best, “Good Lord, he should be in the Hall.”

Jerry Kramer leads the way for Elijah Pitts in Super Bowl I

Steve Sabol of NFL Films once referred to Jerry Kramer as “the lead boulder in the avalanche that was the Packer Power Sweep.” NFL Films also produced a video which makes Kramer’s case to be in Canton. Bleacher Report says Kramer is the greatest player to ever wear the number 64.  Even Sports Illustrated’s Peter King gets the power of the petition.

“Want to see Jerry Kramer get one of the Seniors nods? That’s the tenor of what I read and hear on Twitter. There are nine Seniors Committee members, and five of them meet every year in late August in Canton to determine who will get the two nominations. The best advice I can give those with the passion for Kramer is to write passionately to the Hall about his candidacy. Your voices will be heard.”

Want your voice to be heard? Start by going to the Jerry Kramer for Pro Football Hall of Fame website. There you can access the full story on Jerry Kramer, follow their Twitter feed, like them on Facebook, and sign the petition to get Kramer inducted.

Not only that, but you can contact the Senior Selection committee. These are nine veteran members of the Selection Committee who can nominate two members each year. Since Kramer is no longer on the regular ballot, he must be nominated by the Senior Committee. These members are:

  • Dan Pompei, Chicago Tribune
  • Rick Gosselin, Dallas Morning News
  • John McClain, Houston Chronicle
  • Ron Borges, Boston Herald
  • Bernie Miklasz, St. Louis Post-Dispatch
  • John Czarnecki, FOXSports.com
  • Dave Goldberg, AOL Sports/Fanhouse
  • Ira Miller, The Sports Xchange
  • Len Shapiro, Miami Herald

It isn’t hard to find Twitter feeds or email addresses for all of these people. Like Peter King said, if you want Jerry Kramer in the Pro Football Hall of Fame, it is time to let your voice be heard.

Ask The Geico Guy: Is Lamar Odom A Crybaby?

Does a former drill sergeant make a terrible therapist? Absolutely.  But maybe Lamar Odom could use some drill sergeant treatment. Perhaps somebody needs to sit his ass down and explain to him that he doesn’t really have it all that bad.  Granted, I understand he has had some personal issues in this past year, but I also understand that everybody else did as well.

Lamar, it’s called being a professional, and like it or not, you’ve been paid as a professional while acting like a bitch. First of all, you’ve made over $107 million in your career.  That breaks down to $122,602.56 for every game you’ve played so far.  That also breaks down to $8,655.34 for every point you’ve scored.  For that amount of money, you suck it up and you give your best effort.  After all, it was Julius Erving who said “being a professional is doing the things you love to do, on the days you don’t feel like doing them.”

The Dubsism Therapy Center is now open for business, you pussy.

So, let’s chug on over to Namby-Pamby land and see if we can’t get some self-confidence for you, Lamar.  Frankly, I think you have two major problems. First of all, let’s talk about that drag-queen you married.  Getting involved with a Kardashian is never a good idea, let alone if you are an athlete.  Not only that, but you married the one who looks like her mother got raped by a Bigfoot.

Now that we are on that subject, what the hell were you thinking by doing that stupid-ass reality show? You know that there is a precise, psychological term for a guy who sulks about everything then puts his private life in front of cameras for a fourth-rate cable network: Idiotic asshole.  When you do that, and everytime you pout because something isn’t going right for you, it makes you look like a complete dick.

This leads to your second problem, Lamar.  I will say this as succinctly as I am able…IT ISN’T ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, YOU SELF-CENTERED BUTT-LOAF! Like I said, I understand you’ve had some issues in your personal life, but you lose me when you use those as excuses for your petulant, “me-first” behavior.  This latest round of your bullshit came when the Lakers tried to trade you to the Hornets.

Apparently, that was too much of a personal affront for you since you stormed into the Lakers’ front office after the deal was quashed by the NBA, said something that irrevocably fractured the relationship, and your ass was headed for Dallas by the end of the weekend.  It’s not like you were shipped off to some NBA back-water, the Mavericks are the defending league champions. But instead of contributing to a title defense, instead you chose to pull a disappearing act; your indifference finally led owner Mark Cuban to confront you in the locker room last weekend.  Again, you said something that forever frosted the relationship and the Mavericks have effectively flushed the Odom toilet.

So, let’s cut to the chase, Lamar. If you really have a diagnosable case of depression as that dude you married suggests, then go get help.  If not, then grow a pair, take stock of your life, and change the things you don’t like.  Dr. J called it being professional, but most of us call it being a man.

Ask The Geico Guy: Does America Love a Naked Cheerleader?

Does a woodchuck like to chuck wood? Good old-fashioned American guys love just about any naked chick, but for some reason cheerleaders (with, or better yet without the cheerleader uniform) cut right to the heart of all of our adolescent fantasies. this is likely why I was reminded by the author of Sportsattitudes (you should check it out, it’s like a good version of this blog) that I did in fact promise to keep tabs on the Taylor Corley story, the Mississippi State cheerleader who showed her cowbells last year in Playboy magazine as “Taylor Stone.”

Granted, I forgot about that. But when you are the author of such a big-time, media-shaping sports blog like Dubsism, you are knee-deep in naked cheerleaders.  I have the duct-tape and chloroform bills to prove it, but that’s another story.

The honest truth is that this girl dropped off the radar.  Believe it or not, even a smoking hot blond with her assets on display will fade from view without the creation of new content.  Pump “Taylor Corley” or “Taylor Stone” into the search engine of your choosing, and the most recent entry you will see if one about the cheerleading squad at Mississippi State asking her to turn in her uniform, ostensibly since she wasn’t wearing it anyway.  There’s also some guy posting a vlog about her getting a reality show on MTV, but since I haven’t seen anything there that wasn’t Beavis and Butthead or starring Rob Dyrdek, I’m not sure when that happened.

Believe it or not, even this gets old.

The bottom line is that while we American guys love naked women, we also have short attention spans. If you doubt that, go back to the search engine of your choice and key in the term “naked cheerleader.”

Click whatever links you find at your own risk. I can’t be responsible for whatever you download or the costs of your wrist replacement surgery.

Ask The Geico Guy: Is It Time To Pay College Athletes?

This is one of those questions that has been asked so many times, yet so many people keep getting the answer wrong. It happened with USC. It happened with Ohio State.  Now it’s happening with Miami, and it has happened dozens of time before that. With each breaking scandal, the call that it is time to play college athletes resurfaces. Honestly, I’ve never understood the logic behind this. To me, this sounds like the typical, knee-jerk, ham-handed reaction Americans love to have about sports (for another example, see my rant on instant replay).

In a word, the answer is NO. It has a common flaw with instant replay; it won’t solve the problem.

If the idea is that by paying players, the temptation to break the rules will disappear. Nothing could be further from the truth.

One argument from the “pay the players” crowd states that since college sports is a big business, the players should get paid beyond what they already do because so much money is being made from their labor. Let’s dissect that.

First of all, the players already get paid; it’s called a scholarship. It isn’t the player’s collective fault they don’t understand the value of a scholarship, because the NCAA and/or the individual only pay “lip service” to the whole concept of the “student-athlete.” If the argument is that a scholarship and an education does not provide value, then it is time to strip all the pretenses and simply start a developmental league run by the NFL to replace college football. If we don’t care about the “student-athlete” anymore, then why waste time with colleges and the NCAA and all the B.S. they add to the equation?

There’s a reason why it is called “college football.” Every day, college students go through internships in which they don’t get paid. Whether you are playing football or preparing for medical school, you are in college for the learning experience to be applied to your chosen profession. Letting somebody have access to that experience on a scholarship is a HUGE value.

Then, there’s a suicidal aspect in all of this for college sports. Big businesses all have a layer of employees at the bottom of the pyramid who on an individual basis make the least amount of money. There’s a reason why McBurgerQueen franchises don’t bid each others employees, if they did a hamburger would cost $20. If you want to see the model of bidding each other’s employee’s in action, look at (insert professional sports league here).

Once you have money, you will have agents, and once you have agents there will be the whole issue of some players are going to get paid more than others. Bidding wars will start over how much some players will get paid and by whom, and who determine who gets paid and in what amounts. In other words, injecting payroll money for the players into college sports would simply turn it into a mirror of those professional leagues which are all bubbling around some sort of money/labor relations issues.

Another argument from the “pay the players” perspective says that paying players would eliminate the “cheating.” There’s such a large amount of money involved that to make that model work, players salaries would have to be substantial. Add that to the aforementioned “agent” issue, and you can see right away this has some serious practical issues. Besides, the players aren’t the only ones cheating. This problem goes from the top of the pyramid all the way down.

Look at USC. How much salary did athletic director Mike Garrett and head coach Pete Carroll make? It didn’t stop them from cheating. Look at Ohio State.  Jim Tressel made over $20 million in a decade in Columbus, and that didn’t stop him from cheating. Athletic directors, coaches, and even university presidents all make big dough, and they want more.

The cliche is money is the root of all evil, and the current way in which college sports is run exemplifies that.  Spreading more money to the bottom layer of the pyramid simply will spread the corruption.  Stopping the corruption in college sports by paying players is like extinguishing a forest fire with a jet-tanker full of gasoline. The key lies in holding people accountable for wrong-doing.

University of Miami president Donna Shalala being presented a check by Nevin Shapiro.

For example, check out how dirty University of Miami Donna Shalala looks in all of this. First of all, there’s the picture of her getting handed a check by Miami booster-turned-rat Nevin Shapiro. Then’s there’s her “non-denial” denial.

To the University Community:

Since its founding more than 85 years ago, the University of Miami has stood for excellence in higher education in every endeavor, every degree, and every student. Our more than 15,000 students, on three campuses in 11 schools and colleges, and over 150,000 alumni expect our core values to remain steadfast and true in times of extraordinary achievement as well as those rare times when those values are called into question.

As a member of the University family, I am upset, disheartened, and saddened by the recent allegations leveled against some current and past student-athletes and members of our Athletic Department. Make no mistake—I regard these allegations with the utmost of seriousness and understand the concern of so many of you. We will vigorously pursue the truth, wherever that path may lead, and I have insisted upon complete, honest, and transparent cooperation with the NCAA from our staff and students. Our counsel is working jointly with the NCAA Enforcement Division in a thorough and meticulous investigation, which will require our patience.

I am in daily communication with our Board of Trustees, Executive Committee, Director of Athletics, and counsel, and will continue to work closely with the leaders of our University.

To our students, parents, faculty, alumni, and supporters—I encourage you to have patience as the process progresses; to have confidence in knowing that we are doing everything possible to discover the truth; to have faith in the many outstanding student-athletes and coaches who represent the University; and to have pride in what our University has accomplished and aspires to be.

What a pant-load. It is crucial to notice that she never once mentions a single specific item for which she is “disheartened and saddended.” Why does Shalala only speak in vagueries and B.S.? Probably because there is a picture of her getting a check form the guy who is ratting out everybody.  In short, she’s a part of the problem.

There is a way to solve this problem, but the NCAA won’t do it.  As broken as the system is, it still is a gigantic money pump. This is why all the NCAA punishment go through Olympic-level gyrations to avoid touching anything that involves money. They’ll take away scholarships, they’ll vacate record books, they’ll rule people ineligible, but they never hand out fines that are anywhere near commensurate to the cash one can generate by breaking the rules.

For example, last month the NCAA put Georgia Tech on four years of probation, fined the school $100,000 and stripped its ACC football title game win from the 2009 football season for violations that also included problems in the men’s basketball program. So, as a punishment, Georgia Tech still gets to be on television, can still participate in post-season activities, and has a page in a record book erased for a game for which they already got paid. As far as the $100,000 fine is concerned, that is a pittance compared to what the average “big conference” program generates in a season. If you believe the numbers in this linked article from CNN Money, the average football program from one the BCS automatic qualifying conferences averaged a profit of $15.8 million. Frankly, I think those numbers are grossly understimated, but even if we accept them for the sake of argument, this means Georgia Tech’s fine equaled less than one-tenth of what they make for one game. That’s not exactly a deterrent.

Obviously, fines need to have a pain level with them. But individuals need to feel the pain as well. It takes nothing to put clauses in contracts signed by players, coaches, athletic directors, presidents, and anybody involved with college sports which says the NCAA can seek civil redress against anybody found guilty of misconduct according to NCAA rules. Once the people responsible for creating this problem understand that a civil lawsuit can hit their pocketbooks even years after they’ve ditched the college ranks, this problem will disappear faster a bag of cash on an Auburn recruiting trip.

But it will never happen because as it exists now, the NCAA is simply a collection of university presidents, just like the one shown above being handed a check.  As long as the fox is guarding the henhouse, any talk of paying players just means the chickens are going to be eaten faster.

Ask The Geico Guy: Is Instant Replay In Baseball A Bad Idea?

Do you live under a rock? Of course, its a bad idea.

Every time there’s a blown call in baseball everybody starts crying about how baseball needs instant replay. What nobody realizes is that these calls only ever come when it is a sympathetic character that gets “robbed.” Everybody was up in arms last year over the call Jim Joyce blew which cost Armando Gallaraga a perfect game. Everybody is up in arms over Jerry Meals’ rob-job of the Pirates the other night.

It is exactly this emotional, knee-jerk reaction that hides the fact instant replay hasn’t worked as intended in football, and it would be a disaster in baseball.  Take a look at the following reasons why instant replay in baseball is a terrible idea.

1) It doesn’t solve the “bad call” problem.

Face it, this is the whole reason the call for replay exists; people are enamored with the idea of eliminating “bad calls.” By following the logic of the argument, one is led to the conclusion that bad calls have been wiped from the face of the NFL.  Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, replay allowed for the creation of silly rules which by their very enforcement are bad calls - such as the “Tom Brady Tuck Rule” and Calvin Johnson’s “Catch that wasn’t a Catch” last year.  Wait until instant replay meets the “Balk Rule” in baseball if you want to see this kind of ridiculousness.

2) It makes the game longer.

Lengthening games is really the last thing baseball needs. Thanks to Fox, playoff games are already creeping north of four hours, and let’s be honest, with replay there will be greater scrutiny during the playoffs.  As it stands now, every close play in foo ball gets reviewed, and reviews are now so common that referees take time to huddle before making the call on the field just so the call can be reviewed by replay.

Don’t even try to tell me try to tell me this won’t happen in baseball.  Wait for your first NFL games this season and count the times play is stopped only to have the call on the field upheld because the video evidence is “inconclusive.”

3) In baseball, calls don’t automatically mean the end of play.

This the functional nightmare nobody seems to be thinking about when we talk about replay in baseball. In football, the referee’s whistle means the end of the play; there’s no other action happening on the field. That’ s not always the case in baseball. Take the following example:

There’s a runner on second and two outs. The batter hits a fly ball to deep center field. The runner is off on contact, but the second base umpire rules the center fielder caught the ball, ending the inning. However, replay shows the center fielder trapped the ball. Where do you put the base-runners? Does the umpire give the hitter second base and allow the run to score? Or is it runners at first and third with two outs? What if it’s the bottom of the ninth and that run means the ball game?

The point is that you cannot eliminate judgement calls with replay, and baseball has far more situation like that than football does, and baseball has tons of calls which don’t stop the action, which will only complicate the issue of “fixing” mistakes.

4) It doesn’t solve the root cause: Bad Umpires.

Here’s the big problem…Joe West with a replay screen is still Joe West. Country singin’, call-blowin’, manager-tossin’, Joe Fucking West.  Major League Baseball is full of guys who have no business calling anything let alone a ball game, but the umpires are unionized so there no such thing as holding them accountable or hitting the eject button on such incompetents as Country Joe, C.C. Bucknor, Bob Davidson, or Angel “I gotta toss the guy who sang Take Me Out To The Ball Game” Hernandez.

Now, if we could only get Country Joe to be the singer Hernandez tosses.

5) “The Slippery Slope”

Generally, I disdain “slippery slope arguments” because they usually are incapable of distinguishing the first event on the slope from the last. This type of argument gets used in politics all the time, but replay in baseball presents a time when this type of argument fits. In case you’ve forgotten, replay already exists in baseball on boundary issues. So, by definition, the argument to expand replay is a “slippery slope argument.”  First it will be catch/not a catch, then it will be safe/out calls on the base paths; ultimately the replay-o-philes will get this down to balls and strikes. The argument that sticks all the way down the slope is “we need to do as much as possible to get thing right for the proper outcome of games.” Well, name an official in any sport that has more control over the outcome of a game than the home plate umpire in baseball. If this happens, get ready for five-hour ball games.

6) Technology doesn’t change the fact people make mistakes.

Let’s says that we get every thing available to be reviewed by instant replay.  Is the guy watching the replay monitor human? Do humans fuck up all the time? So, why does the concept of instant replay automatically get a pass on the inherent flaws it has? The only argument I’ve ever heard on this point is “replay is better than anything else.”

Here’s my question: if people make mistakes, and both systems inherently involve people, doesn’t it make sense to introduce a system that rewards making less mistakes and punishes making too many? In other words, as long as have a glut of bad umpires, you are going to have a glut of bad calls. As I’ve mentioned, that’s the fundamental problem with instant replay; it doesn’t even solve the problem it is intended to solve, in fact in several respects it complicates them.  So, before we knee-jerk our way into a plan that solves nothing, introduces a host of new problems, and happens to have some serious practicality issues, wouldn’t it make more sense to make the first step eliminating the bad umpires?

Now, that sounds like a good idea.

Ask The Geico Guy: Is Terrelle Pryor Leaving Ohio State a Surprise?

Do you live under a rock? Let’s cut through the guano here.  If back in December you didn’t at least suspect that at least one of the “Ohio State Five” would never put on a Buckeye uniform again, you are naive. If after Coach Cheatypants McSweatervest bought the farm last week, you still thought all five of those kids who were suspended for the first five games of the upcoming season were coming back like they “promised” to do, you are delusional. If you think Pryor is the last one to bolt…well, I have a bridge in Brooklyn you may want to consider purchasing as an investment property.

Ask The Geico Guy: Is This The End For Brett Favre?

Does a former drill sergeant make a terrible therapist? Let’s put it this way: Up until now, during this season the only person that didn’t know Favre’s career was over was Favre.  Forget about the “streak,” forget about “Weiner-gate,” forget about his usual symphony of indecision. Look at the fact he’s selling “See Ya” souvenirs on his web site.  That’s right, you Favre-o-philes, five  hundred clams will get you your own probably-not-that-limited edition “good-bye” football, which if you will notice, are unsigned.

Why aren’t they signed? Because Favre will need to learn to write left-handed as his right arm is dead and about to fall right off.

I’m no doctor, and I don’t play one on TV, but that is a hell of a lot more than a simple bruise. When your arm is more purple than a Viking jersey, and when you can’t feel your fingers, you are about two steps away from being that guy with a sleeve that flaps in the breeze.  Trust me, I had a similar situation a few years ago where I had a blunt force injury to my leg, after which it swelled to twice its size and turned bright purple.  Know what happened?  It had to be split open like a hot dog left in a microwave five seconds too long in order to keep it from needing to be chopped off.

That’s not a pretty picture at all, but it is one that could be in Favre’s future if he doesn’t walk away now. The fact that he may be back in the Viking saddle Monday night against the Bears is no no longer just an exercise in Favre going too far past the “should’ve retired” line; now it becomes a waiting game to see how much of egregious injury it takes to get him off the field.

Regardless, his days as an effective NFL quarterback are over, it is just a question of whether he walks off the field or has to be carried.

Ask The Geico Guy: Is Auburn a Dirty Program?

Do woodchucks chuck wood? Look, I’ll make it easy for you. I will explain this in a way almost any Auburn grad can figure out: a monstrously obvious rebus…that’s a “picture riddle” for you Plainsmen.

A rabid, yet not too bright fan base…

+

...plus piles of illicit cash...

-

...minus any semblance of legitimate academic standards...

=

...equals quarterback with a criminal record.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 121 other followers