Category Archives: Sports

It’s Time To Submit Your Nominees For The 2014 Dubsy Awards

Norman Maine award sceneFor the sixth January in a row, we here at Dubsism will be handing out our coveted awards for various achievements in the world of sport.  But this year, we are doing something different. For the fist time ever, we are opening up the nomination process to the readers of our partner blog Turtle Boy Sports.

We’re doing this simply to grow the numbers of nominations from you, the blog-reading public who clearly has nothing better to do than read this dreck.

Regardless of where you are reading this, the fact you are here means you likely have read a lot of other sports stuff, and therefore likely have a better idea of to whom to give these awards than do the drunken bunch of keyboard droolers on the staff at Dubsism. You can always check out our previous awards should you have any questions as to the reasons for which the awards are given, and if you don’t know, you can also do web search on the people for whom the awards are named.  They are both telling and self-explanatory.

Having said that, here is the Dubsy award nomination ballot. Simply fill in your nominees (be sure to include pertinent facts; links to supporting evidence are always welcome, and depending on the reason for nomination, it may be required by the Dubsism legal department), then copy and paste your ballot into an email addressed to dubsism@yahoo.com.

There are very few criteria for submitting a ballot:

  1. One nominee per category per email.
  2. Nominees must come from the world of sport, and they must fit the category in which they are nominated.
  3. You do no need to nominate a winner in each category
  4. Nominees should have a national presence – as much as your local high school coach might be a perfect nominee, if the rest of us never heard of him, it doesn’t do any good. However, we are willing to make exceptions for awesome stories which have links to back them up.

We also will be giving honorable mentions to the best nominees which are pretty damn good, but didn’t win. For those, we will post your name and a link to your blog/webpage if you wish. If you don’t wish, then don’t give it to us…

For more information on last year’s winners, click here.

The 2014 Dubsy Award Nominee Ballot

Your Name:

Your Blog/Website/Facebook Page so people can worship your brilliant nomination:

The Mickey Klutts Award for Unfortunate Naming

Previous Winner:  Luca Cunti, Swiss Hockey Player

Your Nominee:

The Bobby Knight Award for Achievements in Dramatic Public Meltdowns

Previous Winner: Barry Hinson, head basketball coach, Southern Illinois University

Your Nominee:

The Bevo and Ralphie Award for Mascot Buffoonery

Previous Winner: The Raider Rusher

Your Nominee:

The Budd Dwyer Award for Excellence in Career Suicide

Previous Winner:  Former USC head football coach Lane Kiffin

Your Nominee:

The Ed Hochuli Award for the Best Call

Previous Winner:  Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee

Your Nominee:

The Jason Sehorn Award for Being Completely Overrated

Previous Winner: The Washington Nationals

Your Nominee:

The Clinton-Nixon Award for Cover-Up Futility

Previous Winner:  Lance Armstrong

Your Nominee:

The Charles O. Finley Award for Achievements in Cheap

Previous Winner:  The Jacksonville Jaguars

Your Nominee:

The Joe Kapp Award for Being Run Out of Town

Previous Winner: Former Texas head football coach Mack Brown

Your Nominee:

The Bobby Layne Award for Best Performance While Drunk

Previous Winner: TBS sideline clothes-hangar Craig Sager

Your Nominee:

The Artis Gilmore Award for Achievements in Hair Boldness

Previous Winner:  Former NBA player Andrew Bynum

Your Nominee:

The Kyle Orton Award for Achievements in Partying

Previous Winner: Johhny Manziel

Your Nominee:

The Vasily Alexseyev Award For Plus-Sized Achievements

Previous Winner: The Houston Texans

Your Nominee:

The Vinko Bogotaj Award For Epic Failure

Previous Winner: The Houston Texans

Your Nominee:

The Joe Theismann Award For Gruesome Injuries

Previous Winner: Louisville guard Kevin Ware

Your Nominee:

The Gene Mauch Lifetime Achievement Award

This award is given annually to somebody who has been around forever, but never won anything.

Previous Winner: NBA Hall of Famer Charles Barkley

Your Nominee:

____________________________________________________________________________

Nominations will be accepted until 3 p.m. Eastern (U.S.) time on Tuesday, December 30th, 2014.

Let your voice be heard, Dubsists. There’s over  a million of you out there, so let’s really make these awards mean something…we simply cannot let the ESPYs stand as the standard in sports awards. Who gives a shit about what “30 by 30″ movie was the best? Let’s make sure we are giving award for things we care about.

After all, aren’t we as the fans what make sports matter in the first place?

Point-Counterpoint – J-Dub and SportsChump on the Growing Popularity of the NHL

Twin brothers from another mother...born on the 13th of July.

Twin brothers from another mother…born on the 13th of July.

To understand this latest J-Dub/SportsChump collaboration, you need to know that the exceptionally Floridian SportsChump is a recent convert to the religion known as hockey fandom. To most, the idea of ice hockey and Floridians seems as natural a mix as Navy Seals at a Tupperware party, but it actually isn’t that strange if you give it just a bit of thought. Allow us to explain…

SportsChump:

I have a friend who’s a hockey fan. Actually, I have a few friends that are hockey fans but this one’s more ornery than most. He and I sometimes debate about sports and stuff.  Perhaps you’ve heard of him.  His name is J-Dub and he writes for this quasi-pornographic website called Dubsism.  He’s the kind of writer I want to be when I grow up.

Well, since hockey season has officially started and Mr. Dub is always trying to convince me about the merits of hockey, along with the shame that comes from living in Florida, I thought we’d host a little conversation about hockey in Florida.

As you all know, I live in the Tampa Bay area, an area which hosts itself a pretty good hockey team.  J-Dub would probably argue that we don’t deserve a team that good, if any team at all, but I’ll let him speak for himself.  In a city whose sports teams cannot draw fans, the Lightning organization has done things the right way.  In fact (homer alert), this team could be on a pace to win the Stanley Cup (again) within the next few years.  They’ve got a founder in Phil Esposito (hockey lifer), a solid GM in Steve Yzerman (hockey lifer) and an owner in Jeffrey Vinik who’s willing to spare no expense in putting a quality product on the ice.  Vinik is so effective as an owner that he recently got Bill Gates to invest in an area in Tampa that nobody even frequents.

So, Dub, let’s start this ice party off with a bang, shall we?  I’m watching hockey now.  Does that make you feel better at night?  I even went and bought myself a t-shirt and a hat for the next game I attend.  As an avid sports but fledgling hockey fan, am I worthy of rooting for the sport you cherish or am I the kind of bandwagoning fool you despise?

J-Dub:

First off, let’s get a couple of things straight.  A while back, Ryan Meehan and I clearly delineated what is hockey territory and what isn’t.

Continue reading →

Conversations Not Meant To Be Public: Jimbo Fisher Keeps Trying To Figure Out Jameis Winston

conversations not meant to be publicBy J-Dub and Ryan Meehan

Editor’s Note: This article is a collaborative effort between J-Dub and Ryan Meehan from First Order Historians. Ryan also has his own blog, East End Philadelphia, which is featured in the Dubsism BlogRoll and it is well worth the read.

When a situation threatens to become a train wreck, much like the Florida State drama surrounding Jameis Winston will undoubtedly be, sometimes the facade keeping us from the inside truth starts to show cracks. As we have been prone to do in this series, we find those cracks and expose them to you, the blog-reading public.

It seems that several such cracks have surfaced in Tallahassee. It seems that Criminole Seminole head football warden Jimbo Fisher is really struggling with the exploits of his star signal-caller as is evidenced by a series of conversations which were intercepted* by the investigative division of Dubsism.

*Legal Disclaimer – J-Dub and Meehan have a strange way of defining certain terms. “Intercepted” should be read as “completely fucking fabricated” by these two jamokes during yet another of their nights spent bombing Pine-Sol and Sterno shooters until 6 a.m. Despite that, we here at Dubsism would be willing to bet these guys probably aren’t far from the truth…

The scene opens with Jimbo Fisher in his office reading this morning’s newspaper, which as usual is filled with the exploits of Jameis Winston.

Fisher: (muttering to himself) “Hurting this team?!” Goddamnit all to hell (reaches for phone). Hey, did you read this shit today?

Undisclosed Florida State Official (UFSO): So, Captain Big Brain finally grabbed on to something about football? He’s finally figured out the tossing interceptions isn’t a good thing?

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Be It Seattle or Saskatoon, Relocation Not Expansion is the Way To Go For The NHL

nhl uhaul truck

Cities all over North America clamor for major league sports franchises. Obviously, with such a demand, it would make sense that major sports leagues tend to place  franchises in the larger population markets. But that hasn’t always been the case, and even today there are exceptions to that convention.  Currently, the “magic number” seems to be around two million. In other words, to be economically viable, there has to be a substantial population base that can support a franchise.

Every year, the National Hockey League (NHL) makes noise about expansion, and this year is no exception.  The greater Seattle area is a top fifteen U.S. market, and on its face would seem to be a very attractive destination for an expansion team. But there’s a reason why it hasn’t been.

On the other hand, Seattle isn’t the only city that gets mentioned in these talks; Quebec City, Kansas City, Houston, Las Vegas, and Saskatoon keep coming up in these conversations. In terms of types of city, Sasaktoon couldn’t be a bigger departure from Seattle.  One is a major seaport and all-around world-class metroplex, and the other is a small city in the heart of the Canadian prairie. That seems to fly in the face of the “population base” angle, but obviously that isn’t the only criteria in play here. After all, the NBA and the NHL both have had success in cities that aren’t huge in terms of population.

That begs the question what really makes for a good market in which to expand?  In terms of the NHL, it’s a surprisingly complex question, and one the NHL seems to have already answered. The annoucement came a while back  that the NHL is close to finalizing plans to add new franchises in by the 2017-18 season. Let’s take a look at all those options, announced or not, because very few of them are going to work.

1) Lessons Already Learned

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An Open Letter To Indianapolis Colts Fans: Its Time For The Delusions To Stop

This won't happen again anytime soon.

This won’t happen again anytime soon, and Chuck Pagano is the reason why.

For purposes of full disclosure, I originally intended to publish this post last week after the Colts suffered that crushing loss to the Philadelphia Eagles. But then I looked ahead on the Colts’ schedule, and I thought this week after what should be a decisive victory over a minor league team would actually be a better time to do it.

True to form, the Colts laid a 30-point beat down on Jacksonville, and even truer to form, the Indy media immediately began fulminating about how good the Colts are.  Despite what happened yesterday, they aren’t.  They’ve played three games so far, and two of them are not good test samples for determining if this team is any good. A road loss in Denver and a crush-job of the Jaguars should really be expected. But it is that non-contest with Jacksonville that has the Indy media crowing about how the “Colts are back.”

More disclosure: my life-long status as a fan of the Philadelphia Eagles has nothing to do with this post. It’s actually the entire reason I even watched that Monday night game in Indianapolis. I live in Indiana and I get a steady diet of the Colts.  What got me off on this rant is the utter cry-baby-ism I heard coming from Indy sports talk radio come last Tuesday morning weighed in contrast to the peals from the trumpets of victory I’m getting today.

Boil it all down to gravy, and what you get is as a group, Colts fans are delusional, and the time for the delusions to stop is now.

There’s two sets of delusions we need to discuss here; short-term and long-term.

Continue reading →

Point – Counterpoint: Fantasy Football Sucks

point counterpoint sbmby J-Dub and Ryan Meehan

Editor’s Note: This article is a collaborative effort between J-Dub and Ryan Meehan from First Order Historians. Ryan also has his own blog, East End Philadelphia, which is featured in the Dubsism BlogRoll and it is well worth the read.

Like it or not, fantasy football has become a multi-million dollar business. That’s right, what was once simply just a way to get some non-traditional gambling action on the NFL or a more sporting way of announcing to the world you live in your parent’s basement has become a juggernaut of its own. That’s right, now fantasy football is for more than guys who wear “Mr. Spock” ears while they are down-loading nude photos of that chick from “Big Bang Theory,” and not the hot blond one, either…we’re talking about the one who looks like a short, white version of Scottie Pippen.

That notwithstanding, in this installment of Point-Counterpoint we will break down the pros and cons of fantasy football. As the commissioner of just such a league, J-Dub will take the “Pro” side. Since Meehan is a guy who thinks anybody in a fantasy football league should be fed to giant, Iranian flash-eating cockroaches, he seems like a natural for “con.”

fantasy football injury

1) It Attracts Too Many “Casual Fans”

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The Deep Six: Reasons Why Roger Goodell Should Have Been Fired A Long Time Ago

ROGER GOODELL WANTED POSTER

by J-Dub and Ryan Meehan

Editor’s Note: This article is a collaborative effort between J-Dub and Ryan Meehan from First Order Historians. Ryan also has his own blog, East End Philadelphia, which is featured in the Dubsism BlogRoll and it is well worth the read.

Now that we are all indigesting a heaping helping of Uncle Ray’s Felonious Rice, we must remember that ever cloud, no matter how dark, has a silver lining.While this whole Ray rice/domestic violence cloud is pretty dark, it has done a wonderful job of removing the veneer of financial success with which Roger Goodell has been hiding his incompetency as NFL Commissioner.

All you had to do was flip on your television this morning to know the Kommissar is in deep on this one. While we aren’t going to “pile on” Goodell here for his ham-fisting of this matter; the calls for his head are coming from all corners. Seriously, a sports media which got it’s pounds of rice-fed flesh out of Ray now is another shark like feeding frenzy because the Kommissar’s blood is in the water. The calls range from wanting his resignation or flat-out firing, but they all want him gone.

While one can make arguments all day long for that outcome based on how the Kommissar fumbled-thumbed this entire affair, saying so misses a whole range of reason why the Goodell administration has been an exercise in abject failure.  The purpose for which we intend to use this opportunity is to point out the eight years of the Kommissar’s reign has really been a period of huge monetary success which has obfuscated Goodell’s complete failure as a Commissioner.

Continue reading →

The Deep Six: Why The NFL’s New Domestic Violence Policy Proves Roger Goodell Only Cares About Public Perception

Goodell Liar

by J-Dub and Ryan Meehan

Editor’s Note: This article is a collaborative effort between J-Dub and Ryan Meehan from First Order Historians. Ryan also has his own blog, East End Philadelphia, which is featured in the Dubsism BlogRoll and it is well worth the read.

The other day, Kommissar Goodell gave what he considers to be a genuine mea culpa for what he wants you to think was a “mishandling” of the Ray Rice situation.  That  was so much twaddle because what Goodell is really doing is hoping you don’t figure out the NFL’s new policy on domestic violence is really just a chicken-shit reaction to public pressure. There are so many reasons why this should be obvious, but the NFL and the Kommissar did a pretty good of job of camouflaging what this really was.

If you doubt that, consider the following. Where was the big concern about domestic violence after the Jovan Belcher situation?  This guy had a long track record of domestic issues and everybody turned a blind eye until the murder-suicide. Oh wait, they kept turning the blind eye after that…

As much as Goodell doesn’t want you to notice, the Belcher situation and that of Ray Rice are linked by indisputable facts; facts which plainly illustrate Kommissar Goodell doesn’t care about domestic violence as much as he cares about the public perception of himself and the NFL.

That begs the question: Why was the Belcher situation allowed by both the media and the NFL to wither away to the back pages, while the Ray Rice story took on a life of its own?

1) Because Belcher was a bench player on a 2-14 team nobody gave a shit about.

Continue reading →

Do The St. Louis Rams Have The Balls To Cut Michael Sam?

michael sam

Sam: Running his way on to a practice squad near you.

In a word, no…because they can’t, and they know they can’t.

We all know the story here, because the ESPNs of the world have done nothing but try to make a story where there really isn’t one. Gay or straight, the issue is that Michael Sam is at best a marginal NFL player; the fact is that without his pronouncement of being gay, nobody would give a damn about him as a football player.

First of all, let’s cut through the guano here. The Rams were the NFL’s back-up plan in case nobody drafted Michael Sam.  With all the publicity Sam was getting, it was a potential public-relations problem if he were to go undrafted. The sports media community wanted their “barrier-breaking hero,” and it just didn’t matter anymore if he was worthy of actually playing in the NFL. If you doubt that, just look at what was an obviously staged scene at Sam’s home on draft day.  was completely staged.  After all, how many guys taken in the last minute of the last round of the draft have camera crews in their homes?

In other words, this means the Rams knew exactly what they were getting into when they selected Sam. The “distractions” that Tony Dungy caught so much shit for pointing out are very real. Once the Rams took him, there were stuck with him until the end; there are only four ways the relationship between Sam and the Rams ends this summer:

  1. Sam makes the team on his merits as an NFL player: That’s a prohibitive long-shot, I’ll get into why in a minute.
  2. Sam gets a roster spot even if he doesn’t really deserve it: That’s not very likely for two reasons. NFL roster spots are far too valuable, and there a real risk of getting accused of favoritism.
  3. Sam gets released outright:  His footprints out of town won’t even be cold yet and ESPN will softly accuse them of homophobia by writing shit like “Did Sam’s Sexuality Play a Role in His Release?”
  4. Sam gets put on the  practice squad: This is the most likely to happen, because it gives the Rams the best of both worlds; they don’t have to waste a roster spot on him, and they don’t have to release him.

We are two games into the pre-season, and Sam hasn’t really done much to change the math. Numbers don’t lie, and a lot of them are not in Sam’s favor.  The overall odds of a seventh round draft pick making an NFL roster on his first shot are long at best.  It doesn’t help matters the Rams are exceptionally deep at defensive end. Worse yet, Sam is very limited as an NFL defensive end; he really only is a “jail-break” pass-rusher.

To be fair, Sam has shown some upside; he tallied his first NFL sack last week against Green Bay.  But to be ever more fair, he’s playing against back-up level talent, and even then, defensive coordinators are leaving him unblocked more often than not.  Sam is too small to take on a head-on run block; he gets pushed all over the field. That means he isn’t really considered a threat, which does not bode well for his chances of making the Rams final roster.

Tonight’s exhibition game in Cleveland should tell a big part of the Sam story. If you tune into that in a few hours and see Michael Sam playing special teams, just pencil him in for the practice squad now.  If you will notice, you don’t see a lot of linemen playing on the kick squad.  The reason is big guys never do well chugging all the way downfield.  If they put him on special teams now, the Rams will be admitting two things we already all knew:

  1. Sam lacks the size to be an every-down defensive end in the NFL.
  2. Sam’s only hope to make the rosters i s on special teams.

Don’t look now, but it has already happened.  He’s played six special-teams snaps against the Saints, and three more against the Packers. That means the Rams already see the writing in the wall; they are expanding any possibility they can to keep him on the roster.

The biggest problem Sam has is the Rams are absolutely stocked for starting D-lineman; Robert Quinn, Chris Long, Eugene Sims, are locks to make the roster, and with William Hayes returing from an injury and looking to be fully recovered, Sam looks like the odd Ram out. Couple that with the fact that an undrafted free-agent from West Texas A&M named Ethan Westbrooks is getting more game time and is being played in games before Sam is another problem. Even by the best accounts, Sam is only an upfield pass-rusher, while Hayes can play both inside and outside.  Even if the Rams decided to get fatter at a position in which they already have more than sufficient depth, that would mean making a choice between Sam and a proven second-year player in Sammy Brown. Given Sam’s aforementioned athletic limitations, that doesn’t seen very likely.

That’s why you are going to see Sam on the kick team a lot tonight; not just because the starters always get the lion’s share of the snaps in the third tune-up game, but because the only way Sam is making the roster is to run on to it on special teams.

Signs We Are Near The End Of Civilization: CBS News Uses Ferguson Riots to Inject Race Into Little League Baseball

End of World Sign

This post may sound like it belongs on Turtle Boy Sports (which is an awesome read, by the way…), but what I saw on my television this morning literally made me spew coffee across my living room. I’m watching my local morning news during which CBS News does a two-minute cut-in with a “headlines of the day”-type bit.  This led to me taking in what was either the sloppiest bit of film editing in the history of broadcast journalism or somebody at CBS has an agenda.

The footage starts in Ferguson, where the media has turned this story into your “Riot Roll;” 5 seconds of protestors holding signs and generally being non-violent, followed by 30 seconds of looters smashing windows and stealing property. Despite the fact we’ve clearly switched the visual from “protestors” to people clearly involved in criminal behavior, CBS still insists on referring to them as “protestors.”  What I can’t figure out is are they doing this to portray peaceful; protestors as criminals, or are they trying not to admit that 95% of what is going on in Ferguson is not protesting, it’s rioting?

Look, I’m not going to pretend like I can’t figure out what the media will do when it comes to stories involving race. They are nothing if not predictably consistent. That’s why how they handled the Little League story which followed the Ferguson coverage surprised me. It’s obvious the media has turned the Ferguson situation from a  story involving an interaction with a tragic end between the police and a person who was a suspect in a “strong-arm” robbery into a two-week long race riot. I’m on record plenty of times on this blog saying that racism will exist in this country as long as people can make money from it. Make no mistake, that is exactly what Ferguson is all about.

I could go into the old conservative wheeze about how black people kill each other all the time and nobody gives a shit. I could point out that once an incident crosses racial lines, it becomes a Shark Week-level media feeding frenzy.  Both of those statements miss the point that outlets like CBS News are in the business of sensationalism, and they will do anything they can to inflame a story to increase the number of eyeball on their media presence.

So, what the hell does that have to do with Little League? First of all, because CBS News went straight from one story in which they are clearly and deliberately race-baiting, to another where they exploited a bunch of children to do exactly the same thing. There have been two media darlings in this year’s Little League World Series; Mo’ne Davis, the star pitcher from Philadelphia, and the “Jackie Robinson West” team from Chicago. Well, those two faced each other last night, with the Chicago team emerging victorious. I had been suspicious all along that at some point, the race issue was going to be brought to the forefront by some media hack, and I was right. Predictably, it happened once there was only one such story to cover.

While the Davis story has been fun to watch strictly from a sports perspective, you knew all along that somebody was waiting for the time to ride the fact she’s a girl and black. You could tell this because all the while we are trumpeting her dominant 70-mph fastball, and her phenomenal strike-out numbers, nobody mentioned the fact that in her last start, she was essentially the losing pitcher. The ugly reality was the “dominant” pitcher everybody wanted to make into a story gave up three earned runs in two innings pitched.

Thankfully for the media, they still have the “Jackie Robinson West” team. Obviously, they have yet to be referred to as the “Chicago” team, because using Robinson’s name as often as possible paints the needed picture. If you doubt this, ask yourself a question. in a 30-second piece, why did CBS News use the terms “Jackie Robinson” and “all-black team” a combined five times? Do the math…that means CBS News saw fit to tell you this team was comprised exclusively of black kids once every six seconds, despite the fact you could easily see that for yourself in the video.

I’m almost afraid to watch the Little League U.S. Championship game tomorrow night. I’m hoping that we won’t see another stooping to a new low as set by CBS News. The Chicago team will face what I think is the best team in this tournament; a junior-sized lumber company from Las Vegas.  Nobody has needed to mention the fact that team is comprised of all white players, just like nobody pointed out the Japanese and South Korean teams are made up exclusively of Asians.

You know that somebody somewhere will beat the race drum if the Chicago kids advance to the World Championship game. For the sake of racism for fun and profit, we will be treated to a bunch of bilge about black kids, white kids, and Asian kids; all the while the hacks at places like CBS News won’t care about the most important thing.  They are just kids.

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