007 Reasons Why Liverpool Will Win It’s First Premiership Crown in 2014

11 04 2014

steven gerrard james bond

The English Premier League doesn’t have a playoff system to determine its champion. The team that accrues the most points during the regular season wins that crown. Having said that, Saturday’s visit to Anfield by Manchester City to take on current league leader Liverpool could be the next best thing to a playoff.

This year’s EPL campaign is headed for one of the most spectacular finishes in its 22-year history. Four points separate Liverpool, Chelsea, and Man City for the top three spots respectively, the race for the fourth Champions League spot sees Arsenal and Everton with a single point between them, and the race for the spots being contested by the pair of points separating Tottenham Hotspur and the post-Sir Alex Ferguson Manchester United.

Man City and their gargantuan payroll seems to be the favorites of the British football punditry; the perception being that expenditure has given them the strongest squad on paper, and that Liverpool and Chelsea will take each other out when they meet in two weeks at Anfield.

That view ignores some key points which will prove to be the difference in these last few weeks of the EPL season.  Sit back and pour yourself a martini (shaken, not stirred, of course…) and consider the following points.

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Five Arguments For and Against the Existence of God and Their Equivalents Concerning Jamie Moyer as a Hall of Famer

10 04 2014

jamie moyer and god

One thing that is true about the blogosphere, and one of its greatest things overall, is the fact that you can find a list for just about any topic.  This is the parlance of Listverse, which is honestly one of the best sites anywhere. This is why we here at Dubsism have a long history of comparing an incredible non-sports entry from Listverse and comparing it to something from the sporting world.

Another thing which is true about the blogosphere is that it is the express train from the sublime to the ridiculous. That brings us to our Jamie Moyer for the Hall of Fame campaign.  Now that the clock for Moyer’s eligibility for induction into Cooperstown is ticking, it is time for one of those comparisons so that you can decide where on that spectrum this campaign resides.

moyerometer 052812

As you contemplate what is likely the last Dubsism Moyer-o-Meter, peruse this list about arguments on the existence of God, and see how they really do compare favorably to the debate as Moyer as a Hall of Famer.

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…And Now For a Bracket Completely Different…College Hockey!

25 03 2014

john cleese completely different bracket

Many people don’t realize it, but the NCAA College Hockey Tournament is timed exactly to give you, the bracket loving public, another shot to fill out a bracket, albeit a completely different one.  What you know about college hockey matters little; most of you who fill out brackets for basketball don’t know shit about that either.  What you do need to know is that college hockey is chock full of awesome rivalries. For example, the opening round game in the West region features North Dakota and Wisconsin, two schools who have a hatred of each other all the way back to the old days of the WCHA.  Now that the WCHA saw most of its big school depart for the NCHC or the newly-formed Big Ten (which balances out the football conference which will open next season with 14 teams by only having six) version, this tournament gives us first-round match-up that would have never been seen in previous year. That means you don’t have to wait for the Frozen Four to see a scene like this:

Thankfully, it is a later-day group of Sioux supporters that give us the best college hockey bracket out there. To enter, you need to sign up, but that’s free.  So you really don’t have a reason to do it, unless you are some sort of wussy Wisconsin Badger fan.

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Yet Another Year Where My Brackets Call For a Disaster Analogy

24 03 2014
Obviously, there's a black hole out there that swallows airliners and J-Dub's brakets.

Obviously, there’s a black hole out there that swallows airliners and J-Dub’s brackets.

Last year, the analogy I made to the disaster that is my bracket was to a crashing airliner.  Last year was the first in all my years of this basketball-driven self-flagellation where I lost my champion in the first weekend.  This year marks the worst bracket I’ve ever had while still keep all of my Final Four intact.  Somehow, I managed to end up tied for ninth in a sixteen-team pool.

There’s two weird part is that despite the fact that I’ve already lost three of my Elite 8, I am in a perfect position to make up some serious ground next weekend. Not only do I have all of my Final Four, but in the Schadenfreude portion of this blog, it’s time to  look not at how intact my bracket is, but how fucked the others are.

  • Two brackets have already lost their champions -  Syracuse, Wichita State, and Kansas took care of that.
  • Two brackets have lost three of the Final Four – The aforementioned suspects figure in that crime, with the additions of Duke, North Carolina, Creighton and the guy who made the plaintive cry for help by picking UMass.
  • Out of a 16-team pool, there are only two others with all of their Final four intact, and only one of those has the same champion.

Having said that, what realistically are my odds of winning? Roughly the same as that of my splitting a bottle of Dom Perignon with the Abominable Snowman on a non-missing Malaysian airliner. Why? Because I’m J-Dub.

West Region:

NCAA Tournament West Sweet 16 2014

Obviously, the top half of this region for me features more red ink than bag of Twizzlers. And much like cheap, mass-produced candy, it’s giving me a fair amount of gastrointestinal distress. To cure that, I will be a steady diet of Wisconsin beer and cheese for the next week.

South Region:

NCAA Tournament South Sweet 16 2014

You would think after all this time,  I would have learned my lesson about the fucking Kansas Jayhawks.  They should all get rectal cancer.

East Region:

NCAA Tournament East Sweet 16 2014

Between St. Joseph’s and Villanova, Philadelphia basketball has phucked me once again.  If Michigan State doesn’t win this region, my chances of winning become very spartan.

Midwest Region:

NCAA Tournament Midwest Sweet 16 2014

Somehow, depending on Rick Pitino to save this region for me feels like trusting a dentist who sells miniature ivory figurines. Then again, Kentucky is not known for the stellar orthodontia of it’s Skoal-sucking residents, so what the fuck?We’ll let you know once the search party finds my hopes of winning on the bottom of the ocean.

 

 





The Dubsism 2014 NCAA All-”Tractor” Traylor Memorial Team

23 03 2014

robert tractor traylor

Raise your hand if you remember Robert “Tractor” Traylor. For those of you whose hands are at their sides, let me refresh you. Traylor was a McDonald’s high-school All-American the same year as Kevin Garnett, Vince Carter and Paul Pierce.  At the University of Michigan, Traylor’s impressive size (6’8″, and north of 300 pounds)  helped lead the Wolverines to the 1997 NIT title and was named the tournament’s MVP. Traylor cemented his status as a big-time big body in his junior year when he averaged 16.2 points and 10 rebounds while leading his team to the inaugural Big Ten Tournament championship.

After his career at Michigan (which ended under some controversy and NCAA sanctions for the Wolverines) Traylor was drafted by the Dallas Mavericks with the sixth overall pick in the 1998 NBA Draft, after which he was promptly traded to the Milwaukee Bucks for one guy you never heard of (Pat Garrity), and one guy you may know (Dirk Nowitzki).  Traylor’s NBA career also included stints with the Cleveland Cavaliers, the Charlotte/New Orleans Hornets, and even a failed trade to the New Jersey Nets. The stat line showed Traylor as a 14.3 minutes, 47% from the field, and 3.7 total rebounds per game.

Traylor’s planet-like girth also carried him tto the world of global hoops; teams like Antalya Kepez Belediyesi in the Turkish league, NSB Napoli in the Italian league, Halcones UV Xalapa in the Mexican league, and Cangrejeros de Santurce and Bayamon Cowboys in Puerto Rican league all got to have 5XL uniforms made to fit the “Tractor.”

Sadly, the “Tractor” passed away in 2011, but the first weekend of this NCAA Basketball Tournament showed us several guys who could easily match up to Traylor’s carriage. The trouble is that all of the guys we found in this yearr’ tournament have already had their “March Madness come to an end.  So, in case you missed them, here are the five starters on our All-”Tractor” Traylor Memorial team.

The Alanis Morrisette-level irony is that as heavy as this team is, it is also not-so-shockingly light on guards.

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Radio J-Dub, Volume 1 – NFL Free Agency and the Phil Jackson Saga

17 03 2014

Radio JDub itunes header

We here at Dubsism are excited to bring you a new feature, an audio podcast to go along with the series of video podcast we produce.  In the inaugural episode, J-Dub talks about how NFL free agency is like having a girlfriend who is jet-screaming hot, but is also bat-shit crazy. He also puts to rest some misconceptions about the Phil Jackson as president of the New York Knicks saga, and lays out a reason you’ll never get from the dick-tards at ESPN about why a Jackson return to the Los Angeles Lakers is all but impossible.

You can subscribe to and download the podcast here, as well as get information on how to participate live when Radio J-Dub is being recorded live.





The Dubsism 2014 NCAA Basketball Tournament Bracket Challenge – Light Fuse and Stand Back

17 03 2014

brackets

The day after Selection Sunday is historically the best for my brackets; it’s the one day there’s still hope.  Sometime between now and the end of the weekend, the hopes for my brackets have generally disappeared faster than a Malaysian airliner.  That’s precisely why this post comes with a disclaimer. It’s really not a question of whether you should stand back; it’s a matter of how far way you need to be avoid sucking in fatal amounts of smoldering wreckage when my bracket eventually collapses on itself.  That’s why I have provided you with the following Civil Defense chart, as the force of my collapsing bracket has been estimated by some serious science-type guys to be roughly that of a 1960′s era nuclear weapon.

blast radius

So, now that you’ve seen that, this is the part where I tell you (on the advice of my serious legal-type  guy) that you read further solely at your own risk.  So, while you putting on your helmet and goggles, putting batteries in your Geiger counter, and hoarding canned goods and beef jerky, I’ll break down a very breakable bracket.

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The Definitive Sports Blog Movement Olympic Hockey Preview

11 02 2014

Originally posted on Sports Blog Movement:

hanson brothers

By J-Dub and JSportsFan

As we said in our Practical Rundown of Every Winter Olympic Event, hockey is the only sport even more synonymous with Canada than curling. Hockey really is the only reason to watch the Winter Olympics, other than the non-jailbait hot chicks in curling. Hockey is the purest example of a sport in the Winter Olympics, and not just because it passes J-Dubs’ test for what is and isn’t a sport. Hockey is not only one of the four major-league American sports, it is also a world sport as well.  That’s important because it’s status as a world sport means it isn’t something that we Americans forced down the Olympic committee’s throat, like all that snowboarding bullshit.

Having said that, we here at Sports Blog Movement are out to give you a heads up on this world version of hockey; you will see a lot…

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The Sochi Winter Olympics Are Another Perfect Example Of American Hypocrisy

9 02 2014

sochi police arresting protestors

Now that the Sochi Winter Olympics are upon us, I’ve noticed lately that the bleating of the “politically correct” police over Russia’s laws banning the advocacy of homosexuality has died off.  A couple of months ago, you couldn’t turn on you television without hearing how the Winter Olympics in Sochi are going to be a bust because the west simply won’t tolerate such archaic thinking.  Granted, the Russians have been doing a masterful job of shooting themselves in both feet, but to say the Olympic Games will be a bust because of intolerance is a ridiculous statement.

At first glance, having a bunch of athletes claiming to be humanitarians is almost laughable on its face, not because nobody takes them seriously (which you know we really don’t), because they won’t put their money where their mouths are. I thought it was absolutely hilarious when U.S. Alpine Skier Bode Miller made a thinly-veiled threat about the Olympics.

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A Practical Rundown of Every Winter Olympic Event

5 02 2014

Originally posted on Sports Blog Movement:

mario sonic winter olympics

By J-Dub and Meehan

Now that we find ourselves at the start of the 30th Olympiad, it is time for us to perform another public service by giving you a quick rundown on things you need to know about each event of the Winter Olympic Games. Let’s be honest, this is where you can learn a lot more about the Olympics than those moulyaks at NBC are going to tell you.

Alpine Skiing:

alpine skiiingThere’s two main disciplines here. Going down a mountain at freeway speeds (downhill), and going down a mountain at freeway speed while letting a bunch of flags bust you in the face (slalom). If we need to explain why travelling 85 miles per hour on what’s basically ice which slopes downward steeper than Obama’s approval ratings can end in massive hilarity, you’re not going to get the joke that this sentence could have…

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