Yet Another Year Where My Brackets Call For a Disaster Analogy

Obviously, there's a black hole out there that swallows airliners and J-Dub's brakets.

Obviously, there’s a black hole out there that swallows airliners and J-Dub’s brackets.

Last year, the analogy I made to the disaster that is my bracket was to a crashing airliner.  Last year was the first in all my years of this basketball-driven self-flagellation where I lost my champion in the first weekend.  This year marks the worst bracket I’ve ever had while still keep all of my Final Four intact.  Somehow, I managed to end up tied for ninth in a sixteen-team pool.

There’s two weird part is that despite the fact that I’ve already lost three of my Elite 8, I am in a perfect position to make up some serious ground next weekend. Not only do I have all of my Final Four, but in the Schadenfreude portion of this blog, it’s time to  look not at how intact my bracket is, but how fucked the others are.

  • Two brackets have already lost their champions -  Syracuse, Wichita State, and Kansas took care of that.
  • Two brackets have lost three of the Final Four – The aforementioned suspects figure in that crime, with the additions of Duke, North Carolina, Creighton and the guy who made the plaintive cry for help by picking UMass.
  • Out of a 16-team pool, there are only two others with all of their Final four intact, and only one of those has the same champion.

Having said that, what realistically are my odds of winning? Roughly the same as that of my splitting a bottle of Dom Perignon with the Abominable Snowman on a non-missing Malaysian airliner. Why? Because I’m J-Dub.

West Region:

NCAA Tournament West Sweet 16 2014

Obviously, the top half of this region for me features more red ink than bag of Twizzlers. And much like cheap, mass-produced candy, it’s giving me a fair amount of gastrointestinal distress. To cure that, I will be a steady diet of Wisconsin beer and cheese for the next week.

South Region:

NCAA Tournament South Sweet 16 2014

You would think after all this time,  I would have learned my lesson about the fucking Kansas Jayhawks.  They should all get rectal cancer.

East Region:

NCAA Tournament East Sweet 16 2014

Between St. Joseph’s and Villanova, Philadelphia basketball has phucked me once again.  If Michigan State doesn’t win this region, my chances of winning become very spartan.

Midwest Region:

NCAA Tournament Midwest Sweet 16 2014

Somehow, depending on Rick Pitino to save this region for me feels like trusting a dentist who sells miniature ivory figurines. Then again, Kentucky is not known for the stellar orthodontia of it’s Skoal-sucking residents, so what the fuck?We’ll let you know once the search party finds my hopes of winning on the bottom of the ocean.

 

 

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3 responses

  1. MMMMMMMMM…rectal cancer.

  2. If it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy (and why wouldn’t it, really?), you are still alive in my contest and, as you suggest, have your final four still intact.

    You picked eight of the Sweet Sixteen correctly while the leader in my group only picked 11.

    Lots of games still to be played.

    We just won’t be taking home the Buffett Billion.

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