Signs We Are Near The End Of Civilization: There’s A Horse Rapist Out There

End of World Sign

Yeah, you read that headline right. There’s a breeder making accusations that somebody is raping their horses.

Before you read any further, ask yourself a question. When you read a story like this, isn’t the first thing that pops into your head something like “WTF? Where in the hell would something like this happen.” Then you think, as always, it has to be either Wisconsin or Florida.

An owner and breeder of world-class miniature horses in Florida is hoping video surveillance footage will help identify the person suspected of sexually assaulting several of her horses and killing her watchdog.

First of all, you know you aren’t shocked this is happening in Florida. Secondly, notice how the dead watchdiog only gets mentioned as an after-thought. At least that gives us something else for which we can blame Michael Vick.

“Since May, we have had someone come into our barn on several occasions in the middle of the night and take our miniature show horses and sexually attack them.”

On Sunday, [Abby] Conder got her first glimpse of the apparent perpetrator when she reviewed video footage from inside her barn recorded earlier that morning.

“Someone’s got to know this man,” Conder said. “He’s been in this area at least eight months now. These are babies I have raised and it’s affected them psychologically. It’s hard to get in a stall with them and I can’t get near their rear ends to put a harness on them.”

Yeah, you just read that. Admit it, when you read the word “babies,” you thought about making a “Jerry Sandusky” joke. Don’t even try to deny it…and you know the line about “getting near their rear ends” made coffee shoot out of your nose.

horse butt out of service

Conder said she has filed seven reports with the Marion County Sheriff’s Office and the agency has offered little assistance in catching the person responsible. “The police come out, take a report and go away. They don’t help us,” Conder said.  “The officer said we had to get this person on film. He said, ‘If you get them on film, it will help us identify him.’ So we bought a night-vision camera and put it in the barn. I checked it every day and nothing. Then, on Sunday morning, there he was in the barn.”

Conder…said she was excited to finally have the image, but dismayed after she met with a deputy with the sheriff’s office.

“I called the police and said I had him on film,” she said. “They came out, did a little report and I offered them the film. They said, ‘No, we can’t use that for anything.’ They said what I would need to do is find out when he is in the barn, catch him and call them.”

Do you know why the cops aren’t a big hurry to help this woman and her horses? I’m not even sure having sex with a horse is even illegal in Florida.  Don’t laugh, in Wisconsin it was legal to have sex with a corpse until 2008.

That why shit like this always happens there or in Florida.

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3 responses

  1. I hope they catch this guy and let the ponies return the favor.

    1. Has it been verified?

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