Signs We Are Near The End Of Civilization: Ironically, Thanks To the Olympics, Going On An Internet Gay Hookup Parade In London Is No Longer Possible

You read that correctly.  If you had intentions of heading to London to hookup with the gay Olympian of your dreams, you might want to make alternate plans. From the Daily Mirror:

A gay dating website crashed within minutes of the first Olympic athletes arriving in London – due to the volume of demand,  say experts. The Grindr app enables gay men to obtain the locations of potential homosexual partners.  Technicians believe the arrival of Olympic teams on Monday sparked a flood of new customers – and loss of the service in East London.

One Londoner said: “It happened almost as soon as the teams got here. Either loads of athletes were logging on to meet fellow Olympians or were looking to bag a local.

Yep, I only got as far as “bag a local” for my first “Beavis and Butthead” moment. Worse yet, it’s England; why not tea-bag a local?

“The Grindr system obviously couldn’t cope. It took 24 hours for the app to get back up and running, much to the relief of all concerned.”

Relief?  We haven’t even hit the Opening Ceremonies, and there’s clearly already a lot of “hitting that” going on.  Gay or straight, it really doesn’t surprise me that the Olympics might be a veritable sexual free-for-all.  I’m guessing we only are hearing about this since the straight folks have every other app available to them besides Grindr.  Either way, once these games hit full swing, you know this app is going down faster than Jenna Jameson at her first audition.

Grindr was launched in 2009 and claims to have four million customers worldwide.  It just so happens London is the most popular city for the Grindr users, with 350,000 of them. Grindr ­advertises itself as a way to find “a new date, ­buddy or friend.”

Founder Joel Simkhai said in Los Angeles: “I want to personally ­apologize to users.  I know it was ­frustrating. I was ­frustrated myself.  I also rely on Grindr in my day-to-day personal life. It made me feel disconnected.”

Cue the porno music at “personally apologize” and insert your own joke here.

“Our tech team worked around the clock to solve the problems and to whip Grindr back into shape.”

Why do I hear this song in my head after reading that lest sentence?

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7 responses

  1. I wonder how much easier it is being gay nowadays. You probably don’t even have to hang out with straight people anymore with all the networking out there…

    1. Gay people will always hang around straight people for the same reason black people will always be around white people…so they have somebody’s face in which to wave the “past injustices” banner.

      Uhhh, hang on a minute…it seems I’m getting calls from GLAAD and the NAACP…

  2. I remember back in the day when Michael Phelps smoking a little weed made news.

    Ah, those were simpler times.

  3. Wait, wait…The website is called “Grindr”? That’s fucking hilarious. Isn’t that the real issue here?

    Dubs is right about the having somebody’s face in which to wave the “past injustices” banner. “I have a gay friend, so I can’t possibly be homophobic…” Yeah OK. My buddy’s got a vegan girlfriend, but she’s a total bitch and he’s throwing his life away as we speak. That’s real talk.

    Meehan

    1. Friends don’t let friends date vegans. Dating a vegan is like sticking your dick in a pencil sharpener, and instead of taking your dick out of the pencil sharpener, you argue with yourself about how many times to crank the handle.

      Not to mention, the most important part of being on a vegan diet is being a pretentious ass-wipe about it. Go over to your buddy’s house and get him out of that relationship by any means necessary. Failing that, take his girlfriend and shove some form of large meat down her throat…ummm, you know what I mean…

      1. I’ll put it on my daily planner

  4. […] pretty sure nobody has told Gruden about.  Back during his coverage of the 2012 London Olympics, J-Dub discovered that “Grindr” is actually a website where homosexual men meet each other for all sorts of “no strings attached” fun.  You […]

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