To be honest, I’m not even sure why shit like this surprises me anymore. In a world why you can make a bunch of sperm-dumpsters like the Kardashians famous for no other reason than being complete skanks, why not a reality show about a disgraced baseballer-turned-felon-turned-quasi scumbag? From CBSSports.com:
I guess it was only a matter of time for something like this to happen. With baseball’s all-time hits leader Pete Rose exiled from baseball for life, stuck in Las Vegas gathering autograph and appearance fees, he’ll turn to TLC to stay in the spotlight. Yes sir, it’s a reality series!
So, apparently the recipe for a reality show is:
- 3 parts ex-celebrity (for best results use “C-list” or lower)
- 1 part infamy (a criminal record works best, but in a pinch garden-variety scandal will suffice)
- 2 parts Skank-o-rama
Wait a minute…we seem to be fresh out of skank. Never mind, it seems they’ve addressed that. Enter Kiana Kim (and I’m sure that Pete has. That joke was brought to you by Viagra…Viagra -Allowing 70-year old prune-dicks to fall asleep on top of whores half their age since 1998.)
According to Inside TV on ew.com, the 71-year-old Rose and his much-younger fiancee Kiana Kim — who has posed for Playboy, by the way — will soon start shooting a show with a working title of “Pete Rose and Kiana Kim Family Project.”
Let’s stop right here for a moment. For those of you thinking my description of Kiana Kim as a “skank” is a bit harsh, I offer you this: her own website. Now, after taking a look at that and given the opposite ends of the spectrum; one being “June Cleaver” and the other being “fuck machine for hire’” to which one would you place her closest? I’m pretty sure June Cleaver’s bio never mentioned her 36D bolt-ons or prominently featured her naked ass.
Even her own bio is laughable. First, as we said, it leads with her measurements. But it gets even better from there.
Kiana was born in Seoul, Korea and moved out to the United States with her family when she was of the age 5. She was raised in Los Angeles and left LA to go to school at Arizona State University. She recieved her BS degree in Business Marketing. Soon after graduating, she worked for Korean Airlines as a flight attendant. Currently she owns and operates a hair salon in CA.
Let’s be honest…Arizona State is even easier to get into than…well…Kiana Kim. I bet her senior thesis was about the advantage of giant plastic tits in a bikini at a car show.
But I digress…the real question is what can we expect from a geriatric gambler and his plasticine, silicon-stuffed bimbo?
Well, the report says cameras will follow Rose taking the family — which includes Kim’s two children — to the Hall of Fame (oh man, that’s sure to open a huge can of worms here, isn’t it?). Also, Kim’s getting a breast reduction, so that’ll be in there, too. Wonderful (please sense the obvious sarcasm).
Here’s more from Pete himself, via ew.com:
“She’s got younger kids and I’ve got [four adult] kids, and we go through the same things everybody else does: taking the braces off, making sure they get their education and they go to basketball practice or acting class. It’s not going to be classless — like it seems like a lot of reality shows aren’t really reality, but our reality show is going to be funny, entertaining, and real.”
So, let me get this straight. If this show is about Kim’s breast reduction, that means it will lose the two most interesting things it has short of watching the security staff at Cooperstown toss Rose out on his old, wrinkled ass. Not to mention Rose promises us that the show will “not be classless, ” which coming from him has to be a code-word for “crushingly boring.” A guarantte on the level of class is reallly reassuring from a guy who almost killed Ray Fosse in an All-Star game.
But it begs the question: What is really the point of this show? I’m waiting for an answer which doesn’t involve launching Kim’s future in porn and insuring every 14-year old boy in America will be playing an advanced game of Beef Strokin’-Off to this crap. (Insert cricket noises here…)