Signs We Are Near The End Of Civilization: The “Steve Urkel/Mega Shark” Guy Is A Big Enough Celebrity To Throw Out The First Pitch

16 06 2012

Call it what you will, but this weekend’s series between the Washington Nationals and the New York Yankees could be seen as a possible World Series Preview. It could be seen as a changing of the guard amongst the powers in baseball. After all, the Yankees are old; if it weren’t for Jamie Moyer, I’d be using all my “old” jokes on them. Not to mention, the Bronx Bombers are  going to run  into major luxury-tax issues if they decide they want to keep some of their star players.

In contrast, the Nationals are frightfully young; like that pimply-faced prodigy who by graduating from Harvard at age fifteen has already accomplished more than a middle-aged dipshit writing some blog which gets four readers a week ever will.  Not to mention the Nationals are only going to get better; not only are they disgustingly young, they are loaded with prodigy-level talent.  Bryce Harper is a uber-stud waiting to happen, and Stephen Strasburg is the brightest young pitching star in baseball today. Top that off with their impressive collection of pitchers who are under 30, and it is very clear the Yankees are yesterday, and the Nationals are tomorrow.

But this is still today, and today is when the Yankees can get honest-to-goodness stars to throw out the first pitch at their games. If that fails, they have a never ending supply of former stars players they can trot out.

On the other hand, by virtue of being in D. C., once a year the Nats’ can get the President. But after that, it seems the pickings get slim. As proof, I offer Jaleel White.

In case you don’t recognize the name, White is likely most remembered for playing annoying super-geek Steve Urkel on the almost-as-equally annoying sit-com Family Matters back in the 90′s. Since then, he’s brought us such cinematic masterpieces such as Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus.

Even the minor-league team on Tatooine gets better stars.

If we’ve learned anything from this, its that there is a lag between success on the diamond and landing real stars to toss out your first pitches. Stay tuned to Nationals games for the reat of this season; I can’t wait until we see the stars of Piranhaconda or Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus on the mound in D.C.

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2 responses

25 06 2012
ChrisHumpherys (@SportsChump)

Back in the day, there were rumors of Jaleel White and Penny Hardaway floating around. Jaleel was at all the Magic home games, fortunately not wearing those vintage Russell Westbrook glasses.

Who knew it was actually Jon Amaechi he was interested all along.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

Gives the phrase “he throws like a girl” all new meaning, huh?

25 06 2012
J-Dub

Send them all to shower at Jerry Sandusky’s house.

Too soon?

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