1) The Brady-Bieber Hair Postulate
Having hair that covers your face is only acceptable if you are an ass-kicking sheep-dog. It is not acceptable anywhere else, not even on teen heart-throbs and especially not on quarterbacks.
2) Their general sense of entitlement
As evidenced by this t-shirt. There are far too many Patriots fans who believe they were a simple lucky catch away from a perfect season four years ago. They seem to forget the “Helmet Catch,” which while key, was not a scoring play. The Patriots lost because they got beat.
3) Football players should not appear on non-sports magazine covers
This one ought to be self-explanatory.
4) Steven Tyler
It was bad enough when he got off the heroin and Aerosmith quit making classics like “Dream On” and stared pumping out sludge like “Love in An Elevator.” It was worse when he became the grayed-out, lecherous old rocker on American Idol. But what he did to the national anthem before the AFC Championship game was inexcusable.
5) Football players should not look like a six-year old girl on a water slide
This one should also be self-explanatory.
6) Colin Cowherd and his never-ending knob-slobbing of Tom Brady
There’s no shortage of sycophantery for Tom Brady and the Patriots, but there’s nobody worse than Colin Cowherd. If Brady dropped his shorts and made his minions form a line to determine the order in which they would be allowed to service him, Cowherd would have the first fours spots at the head of the line.
7) Tom Brady isn’t the only Patriot committing “hair-crime”
We’ll consider Tiquan Underwood as an early entry for the 2012 Artis Gilmore Dubsy Award for Achievements in Hair Boldness.
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