What We Learned From This Weekend In Football 12/10/2011

1) This Tebow Thing Is Now Officially Out of Control

I watched the last three minutes of that Bears-Broncos game last night, and I still don’t believe what I saw. Sure, there’s all the stuff that surrounds Timmy Rah-Rah. You can see that on every other outlet out there. But the hype hides the unbelievable chain of events that led to the Broncos sixth straight victory.

To me, this all starts on the Broncos failed filed goal attempt in the 4th quarter when they are already down 10-0. That looked like the moment this run was going to end; after all, Denver was trailing 10-0 with 4:34 left. They had eeked out a mere 96 yards against one of the best defenses in the NFL and had no timeouts left. Worse yet, after the bears made it a two-possession game on Robbie Gould’s field goal, the next three Broncos’ offensive series yielded a mere two first downs and what seemed to be the dealing-sealing fumble.

Granted, Denver did score a touchdown after that, but the Bears have the ball with two minutes to go, and Denver has no timeouts. If Chicago can rack up a a first down, this ball game would have been over.

Then Marion Barber inexplicably runs out of bounds, stopping the clock and forcing the Bears to punt.

“Here it comes,” I thought to myself. “Here’s where it happens again…unbelievable.”

Sure enough, the Broncos got the ball back on their own 20-yard line with 53 seconds left, and after three of those wet Nerf-ball Tebow completions, Denver found itself on the Bears 41-yard line where Matt Prater nailed his first of two pressure-packed 50-plus-yard field goal attempts, the second being the game winner in overtime.

But even if you didn’t believe you were watching the Bronco magic happening again, you still had the failed on-side kick and the fact the Bears won the toss in overtime.

Then Marion Barber fumbled.

Everybody in the stadium knew what was going to happen next. Everybody watching on TV knew what was going to happen next. Dedicated Tebow haters like Stephen A. Smith and Colin Cowherd starting beating their wives in anticipation of what was going to happen. Even the Bears knew it was simply a matter of time at that point.

I can’t explain it, and I still don’t believe it…but you can’t argue with winning.

2) The Suckitude of Instant Replay Has Torn the Time-Space Continuum

Rod Taylor: Ahead of his time in time-stopping NFL officiating.

There’s how the 49ers got somewhat jobbed against the Cardinals this week. There’s how the Giants got robbed last week. But nothing was worse than how the officials in yesterday’s Packers-Raiders game ground the world to a complete halt.  Seriously, it was as if Rod Taylor from “The Time Machine” popped in to be an NFL referee, because for ten full minutes, the time-space continuum stopped; the cosmos literally being flung into suspended animation while some joker in a striped shirt couldn’t decide a call which anybody watching saw on take number one.

Seriously, these guys pissed around for ten earth-no-longer-orbiting-the-sun minutes all over that “Tuck Rule” which is apparently only invoked when a star quarterback is involved and it dicks the Raiders.

If that weren’t enough, on the very next play, the Raiders successfully challenged a Mike Mitchell interception in the back of the end zone that had incorrectly been ruled incomplete. That challenge lasted four minutes, which means in fifteen full minutes, we saw two snaps.

3) Will Army Ever Beat Navy again?

Easy math here..Navy has won 10 in row and 13 of the last 15. Maybe next year, we should Army have rifles so they have a shot…

4) Tony Romo…The Anti-Tebow

Think about it. As much as Tim Tebow seems to have some sort of Midas-like magic around him which rubs off on his team in crunch time, look at how Tony Romo always seems to be on the team which chokes on its own feces when it matters.

If you saw the look on Jerry Jones face at the end of last night’s game, I get the feeling the end of the Romo era in Dallas may be very near.

5) Attention Recievers: You Can Stop Making Circus Catches Now – It’s Been Done To Perfection

If Montana State wide receiver Elvis Akpla were a musician, he just combined the real Elvis with the Beatles, Jimi Hendrix, and (insert five of your favorite awesome bands here) with this unbelievable catch.

6) Updated Coaches Death Watch

Newly deceased in bold…

  • Houston Nutt, Mississippi
  • Rick Neuheisel, UCLA
  • Paul Wulff, Washington State
  • Dennis Erickson, Arizona State
  • Turner Gill, Kansas
  • Tony Sparano, Miami Dolphins (Miami Herald reports he’s gone at the end of the year, but he doesn’t get crossed off as long as he still has a key to his office)
  • Neil Callaway, Alabama-Birmingham
  • Mike Riley, Oregon State
  • Jack Del Rio, Jacksonville Jaguars
  • Steve Fairchild, Colorado State
  • Steve Spagnuolo, St. Louis Rams
  • Frank Spaziani, Boston College
  • Mike Sherman, Texas A&M
  • Todd Haley, Kansas City Chiefs
  • Luke Fickell, Ohio State (replaced, but retained on new head coach Urban Meyer’s staff)
  • Andy Reid, Philadelphia Eagles
  • Lezlie Frazier, Minnesota Vikings
  • Jim Caldwell, Indianapolis Colts
  • Norv Turner, San Diego Chargers
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12 responses

  1. It’s tough to explain the Tebow thing, isn’t it?

    I mean, nobody has been able to.

    Obviously we knew he was cut from a different cloth at Florida, but he wasn’t staging last-minute comebacks on the regular. He was just mowing people over.

    If he beats the Patriots next week, the earth might open up.

    1. If the Patriots lose to the TeBroncows, the end of the building at ESPN where the keep all the Tebow haters will look like Jonestown.

  2. Marion Barber is a shining example of how concussion testing must be performed on everyone, not just those showing the “usual” protocol of symptoms. Running out of bounds and killing the clock when you can kill a game is certainly a symptom of a concussion. Forget his fumble thereafter. Marion already has. He probably has forgotten he even played by now.

    1. Perhaps Marion Barber and Sidney Crosby could swap roles for a bit…

  3. Thanks for making me relive the tuck rule on that link. You made that depressing Packers loss a distant memory remembering a time when the Raiders actually needed help self destructing…

    I think I’m getting tired of the Tebow talk as much as I was tired of hearing about Farve. That’s not just because I hate the Broncos or God, I just hate Tebow talk now…

    1. In both the tone and the amount of talk, the buttloafs at ESPN could make you hate kittens, blowjobs, and 100-year old scotch.

  4. According to “sources” Leslie Frazier is staying on with the Vikings next season. I’m not sure if I believe that or not.

    1. I would buy that…it’s not like he’s the problem…

  5. Love the Time Machine referrence and all I want from Santa this Christmas is for Jim Caldwell to be visited by the axe man.

    1. Congrats on being one of the few people under 60 who get the reference…

  6. I love how you said, “I can’t explain it, and I still don’t believe it…but you can’t argue with winning.” There truly is no way to explain the Tebow phenomenon, it just happens. He wins nonetheless. My thoughts at http://sambrief.com/2011/12/15/the-legend-of-tim-tebow/

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