Originally, this was just going to be a good-bye to my favorite corpulent coach, Mark Mangino, formerly of Kansas. But lo and behold, somehow in the process we also unearthed an archive of goodies on another fat coach, Phil Fulmer of the hated Tennessee Volunteers. In either event, we found ourselves with a ton of stuff now about as useful as a salad fork in either of these guys’ place setting. However, this stuff is just far too precious to die in a file folder somewhere.
It really is too bad the guy got fired. Where else can you get such pure meltdowns as only he could deliver. Its a good thing he isn’t hanging out at one of those eating contests, because he clearly doesn’t care for hot dogs, so much so that he vomited up the entire Orange Bowl.
Although to be fair, perhaps Mangino could use a wee bit of purging.
After all, when he left Lawrence, I bet Southwest Airlines hoped Mangino didn’t have a Twitter account.
The sad part about when a coach gets fired is nobody seems to remember the days when he didn’t suck. Fulmer didn’t suck as recently as 2007, but we are still going to make a lot of “fat jokes.”
Sometimes, you get a sandwich named after you. But that pales in comparison to getting your own drive-thru.
And as long as one is working the restaurant side of the street, a buffet joke can’t be far.
There is a rule when making fat jokes: At some point, there MUST be a donut reference.
With a doofus like Fulmer, two donut jokes are required.
No, make that three.
Of course, a diet of donuts, drive-thru and buffets will necessitate some very large pants.
At least since leaving Tennesee, Fulmer has found a rewarding career entertaining children the world over…at least the ones with blind faith and blanket-attachment issues.