Does Bigfoot need a Bikini Wax? Damn straight America loves this kind of stuff. Why else would we dive into the depths of the bowels of the beast known as the New York Yankees, specifically all the way to their short-season Single-A team, the Staten Island Yankees, for today’s Schadenfreude moment (if you are a Yankee hater, which all good Americans are).
Minor-league baseball is on the rise in this country, largely because it offers affordable sports entertainment for the whole family. Teams market to this niche; the “Baby Bombers” are no exception. One thing that you need to keep the families coming through the turnstiles is to maintain the feel of a real sporting experience; a quality product on the field, a good old-fashioned ballpark hot dog and a soda, and an even more old-fashioned sex scandal.
Enter Pat Daneker, the pitching coach for the Baby Bombers. It seems that Daneker and another coach from the Yankees’ system, Carlos Chantres, embarked on a night on the town after a hard day at the Yankees’ training facility in Tampa. By the time the evening came to an end at approximately 4 a.m., it seems Daneker came up light two cell phones, the cash in his pocket, and a $10,000 World Series ring.
Tom Jones (no, not that Tom Jones), a blogger for TampaBay.com got the broad strokes of the story, but the staff here at Dubsism felt this need to have some of the gaps filled in….after all, sometimes it’s not what they say, it’s what they don’t say.
A pitching coach in the Yankees’ farm system lost a $10,000 World Series ring and a team-issued cell phone after a night of partying with two women in Tampa. According to police, here’s essentially what happened: Pat Daneker, 34, came back to his hotel room at a Holiday Inn Express around 3 a.m. on May 30 with two women he met at the Blue Martini. The women, according to the report, were wearing “short mini skirts.” He stopped by the hotel’s ATM and then went to his room with the women. Then he doesn’t remember what happened after that. The report said he was “extremely intoxicated.” A hotel clerk said the women left around 3:15 a.m. without Daneker, who then told the clerk about the missing items around 4 a.m. The clerk called Tampa Police. Danaker also reported missing a second personal cell phone and around $120.
Let’s break that down, shall we? First of all, I thought staying at a Holiday Inn Express was supposed to make you smarter. Forgive me for being a wee bit judgmental here, but there isn’t a lot of “smarter” in bringing two strange women to your hotel room at 3 a.m. after getting completely shit- hammered and filling your pockets with cash. But, the good folks at Deadspin say that Chantres knew the two women.
But that seems a bit suspicious, since most people wouldn’t need to make an ATM withdrawal to get personal friends to come to their room. Plus, as the two women in question are currently wanted on theft charges, one would think Chantres would know where they could be located if he did know them.
Ultimately, it matters little whether we believe the story these two coaches are pushing. I’m sure Daneker’s wife would never come to the conclusion that her husband got rolled by a couple of hookers…because it really doesn’t look that way at all (wink…nudge).